


You save me

by Yuulina_vre



Series: Bucky x Reader [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, F/M, Fear, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gun Violence, Gunshot Wounds, Home, Homelessness, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Pain, Recovery, Shapeshifting, Surgery, Violence, description of dead people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2020-07-31 03:13:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 51,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20108233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuulina_vre/pseuds/Yuulina_vre
Summary: Y/N and Bucky know each other for a while now but neither of them really knows the other one.





	1. New home

**Author's Note:**

> This is a new story I'm working on. It's different to what i used to write till now.  
Uploads to this story will be irregular though.
> 
> Join my Discord (https://discord.gg/MYgmfSk) and Twitter (@Yuulina_vre) for updates :D

She walks through the streets without noticing anybody. She ignores them, easy as it is. And no one really notices her. She’s quick to hide in the shadows or walk across the streets. Now and then a child points at her and tries to walk over but she’s gone before the child even comes near her. She walks with pride. She owns the street.

She’s hungry but she knows that she gets something to eat soon. In a slight trot she walks across some shops and a street musician. She stops for a moment and listens to his music. Not many people stop for this kind of people now days and she just wants to appreciate his music for a bit. The man doesn’t really look that much older than herself. Maybe about twenty to twenty-three. He looks up from his guitar and meets her eyes. For a brief moment, he smiles at her before he looks back down. She watches a second longer, head in a slight angle before her stomach guides her further down her path. She crosses a street once again and runs through some alleys before she spots her aim. Just a short few minutes until she gets her lunch. She falls in a light jog and only stops at her aim. She looks at the big door to the tower and waits. She sits down and drapes her tail around her paws. She decides to use the time and cleans her paws with her tongue while she waits. Just as she’s at her left leg the door slides open and a man comes out. He’s tall and muscular, with long brown hair, pulled back in a bun again. She knows he’s usually very quiet but he talks to her. And she likes to listen to his voice. It’s a nice rumble that vibrates through her fur and her body when he picks her up and strokes her fur with his shiny metal arm. She really, really likes him. He is nice and doesn’t shoo her away or kicks after her. Instead he always offers her something to eat. And it helps that he smells nice.

She meows once and stands back up to rub her head on his leg. The man chuckles and crouches down to rub her head, which feels so good and lets her purr. “You again? I get the feeling you don’t have a home as often as I meet you here.” He chuckles at her. She looks up and meows to confirm it. She doesn’t have a home anymore. She lives on the streets for over three years now. But since she found him a few weeks ago she does mind less. Her life is more pleasurable now. He feels like a kind of home. She meows again and sits back down, staring at him expectant. “Okay, okay. I got you something.” He smiles at her. And it suits him. He has light wrinkles around his eyes which make him look kind. That smile suits him. He should do it more often. He reaches for her and picks her up. She meows again in confusion and shuffles in his grip. “Okay, you need to keep quiet. Don’t move around.” With a last stroke over her fur, he pushes her into his sweater. She makes a displeased sound but the man pets her through the fabric and waits for her to get settled. She settles against his chest, pressed tight to it so that she can smell his scent. She has really grown to love it. Just as she purrs, he starts to walk back inside. It’s not as loud inside as it is outside but she feels uncomfortable. Sometimes the brunette takes her inside, just like now, and even if she likes it, to be pressed against him, she hates to be trapped. And that’s just how it is now. There’s no way of a quick escape inside this building. She can just hide and wait for him to find her and to get her back outside. She feels him stop and curiously she shifts in his hoodie. She crawls up a bit until she can peek out of his collar. He lets out a small laugh. “Curious, are we?” She is surprised as she feels his lips softly presses to her head. She lets out a pleased purr and looks up at him. He’s still smiling at her. His gray eyes hold a sparkle that she rarely sees.

Suddenly the elevator stops and the doors slide open. Carefully, but with a bit of force he presses her back down. “Hey, Buck.”

“Hey, Steve. Already finished?” The other man hums and for a moment it’s silent. She knows that he’s eyeing her transporter and she doesn’t like it one bit. He is hers. Then she hears a sigh. “This cat again?”

“I- No?” She hears the other man snort. Curious she wiggles around once more and reaches up for the collar. But the brunette pushes her down. A growl escapes her and she lets out her claws as a warning. Bucky hisses shortly and lets her have her way. Pleased by her action she peeks out of the collar and looks straight at the blonde man. He smiles at her and soon she has his hand on her head, rubbing her ears. She meows and purrs, completely lost in the pleasure and leaning into his touch. He really knows how to handle a lady. “You should just keep her, Buck. She’s cute. And you bring her up here anyway. Let her stay.” Bucky snorts. She looks up at him and meows again, pawing his chin. He takes her paw in his flesh hand, rubs at the numbs on it before he carefully pushes it back inside of his hoodie. “You know Stark wouldn’t allow it.”

“You don’t know. Bring her to your room. I’ll get you something to eat for her.”

“Fine, on your responsibility.” Again, a kiss is placed on her head and she looks up briefly before she purrs once again and nuzzles her head against his chin with a pleased meow. Both men chuckle at that and step out of the elevator after it stops once again.

It’s a turn from plans but she can’t really say that they are unexpectant or unwelcome. If Bucky keeps her, she will have a home, food whenever she likes, a warm bed to sleep in and snuggles whenever she wants them. She will have a home, a place she can come back to. She does not have to hide in the shadows, let herself be kicked around by kids or get things thrown after her. She does not have to beg for food or go to bed hungry. But she will give up her freedom. No strolls through the night sky, no fights with other cats just out of pure fun. No teasing the restaurant a few blocks down from here.

She watches as the brunette makes his way out of the elevator. He walks down the hall and slips into a room. Then he sits down on a couch and starts massaging her head. She purrs but her attention is elsewhere. This is not an ordinaire room. This is _his_ room.

She struggles out of his hoodie and his grip and jumps nimbly down on the carped. She stops on the spot and just looks for a moment. Empty. Everything about this room feels empty. It’s white with some furniture. No pictures, no plants. Nothing personal besides a picture of the blonde and the brunette on the coffee table. Walking along the sideboard she sniffs the familiar smell of the man she likes. “Hey, come back here.” She looks over her shoulder, back at him but strolls further to the bed. First, she crawls under it. Dust. Everywhere. She comes out and shakes herself free from the grey little flakes on her fur and jumps on the bed. Now, this feels good. She paws on the pillow and turns around a bit until she’s comfortable enough to lie down and roll to a small fur ball. “Hey.” The man stands up from the couch and comes to her. She meows and throws a curious look at him. A grin spreads over his face. “I know you never where in here.” She meows again and Bucky smiles a bit wider. “I know your curious. But it’s not the time for adventures. Now c’mere.” She lets him pick her up but this time he sits down on the bed. The door opens and closes as Bucky starts to scratch down from her head to the beginning of her tail. “I don’t know what she likes so I brought a few things. Tony and Clint are suspicious. You might tell them fast, Buck.” The blonde comes to the bed and places some little plates, not bigger than a saucer on the floor. “May I?” Steve looks at Bucky with a small smile his hand gesturing to her. She doesn’t really want to be touched by anyone except of Bucky. But Bucky trusts the blonde and he actually gave her great pleasure in the elevator, so she allows him a few strokes over her fur, but stalks away from him rather quickly to look at the selected things the blonde man had brought. Three plates are in front of her. The first one holds some cooked chicken stripes. The second one holds some tuna which she gladly ignores. The last one is filled with… whatever. She sniffs on it curiously and looks up at Steve with a quizzical gaze. “What is? Why is she looking at me like that?”

“’Dunno. What did you get?”

“Tuna, cooked chicken and… some of Sam’s leftovers. Honestly, I wouldn’t eat it either.” She meows. It really looks disgusting. How can anyone eat it? And why does he bring it to her? She walks back to the chicken. She sniffs and sits down and starts to eat it carefully. She hears the two men chatter as she licks her paws and the plate clean. She throws a look back to them and then strolls through the room again. She jumps on the sideboard and sniffs on some things before her gaze wanders to the door. It’s slightly open. Steve must have forgotten to close it. Might as well use this chance. “Oh, no! Steve! The door!” Bucky jumps up but she is quicker. She had enough practice on the street. She slips through the door and runs through the hall. “Come back!” She looks over her shoulder but ignores the brunette. She slows down a bit and takes a closer look around. It’s not really interesting. The hall is rather empty. There is nothing around, no one walking by, not even a plant. “Hey! No, no, no.” She walks through the open elevator door and ignores Bucky’s protest. She stretches as far as she can to reach the buttons but Bucky is already at her side. He picks her up and strokes over her back. “You want to escape, huh?” She looks at him in pure innocence and meows softly before she paws on his chin again. “Did you get her?”

“Yeah.” Suddenly the doors close and she’s is rather proud of herself. Somehow, she managed to tap on one of the buttons and the elevator makes its way to the floor. “Shit.”

“Come on, Buck. What will happen?”

“They could see her.”

“And? Just tell them she belongs to you and no one will say something.”

“You think Stark will just let it drop?” Bucky looks at him with an unbelieving look. The blonde sighs and shakes his head. “Maybe not. But we get him to let her stay.” She meows as to confirm Steve’s answer and the blonde strokes over her fur with a light smile. “And she’s cute. Do you have a name for her already?”

“Oh.” Bucky looks down at her. She purrs and stretches in his arms before she wriggles around to climb on his shoulders. She doesn’t come far as Bucky pulls her back down, so she rests against his chest, only able to look over his shoulder. “I… I don’t know.” He strokes over her back while he thinks. She uses that motion to purr and rubs her head against his cheek in pure bliss. Bucky chuckles deeply and places a kiss against her left ear. “Y/N.” She stops purring and looks at him. Her ear twitches lightly as he meets her eyes. “How does it sound?” She lays her head to the side but meows.

A name. A real name. It’s a long time since she had one. She remembers, back then, when she was small and with her parents that she had one, but since she lives on the street, she never had one. Didn’t need one. But Y/N? It sounds nice. She likes it. But she likes it even more when Bucky says it. She meows and rubs her head across his face before she quickly licks his nose. Steve laughs and claps Bucky on the shoulder. “I think she likes it. But it’s an unusual name for a cat.”

“I don’t know. It was the first that plopped in when I think about her.”

“It’s a good name.”

The focus shifts again as the door of the elevator opens. Y/N, fully amazed over having a name, turns in Bucky’s arms and looks through the door. She uses the distraction to jump from Bucky’s arm but this time she stops at the door and looks back at the two and waits for them to follow her. Carefully, she looks through the hall. It looks almost like the one above, from where they came, but there is a glass door. She walks up to it and sits in front of it, waiting for either Bucky or Steve to open it for her. She meows a few times to get them to hurry but neither of them really fastens his steps. She meows a bit louder and a bit aggressive but only gets a laughs from Steve. “She gets angry. You should open the door for your majesty, Buck.” She hears a slap which probably is Bucky slapping Steve against the head. “Punk.”

“Jerk.” The door opens after it. She quickly slips in and stops. The room is big, filled with couches, plants, a TV, a bar and so on. Unknown scents are in the room and she starts to quickly sniff everything that she sees. It takes a while for her to make her way through the room. She ignores everything around her and just focuses on the task on hand. Find out what smells after Bucky.

“Holy shit! What is this doing here!” She jumps and growls before she makes a quick escape on the nearest high place she can find, which happens to be the one of the hanging cabinets over the bar. She makes herself small and hides in the shadows, barely peeking over the edge to see what’s going on. “Tony! You scared her.” Bucky glares at the new man and walks to the shelf, stretching his arms for her. “Come down, Y/N. It’s okay.” Her eyes look at the new man and instead of coming down she presses further back to the wall. “I scared her? What is this flee carpet doing in my tower?!”

“Tony!” That’s Steve’s voice. It’s warning and firm and the new man actually quietns his voice a bit. “I don’t want a pet in here.”

“She is not a pet.”

“She? Does this thing already have a name? Is it living with you?”

“She is. Her name is Y/N and I adopted her.”

“Which you didn’t asked for so I’m gonna stop you right here. This thing leaves my tower.”

“Tony.” Steve’s voice is a bit softer know. Y/N crouches forward a bit and looks down. Bucky is still standing in front of the her while Steve stands next to the man that’s called Tony. “Buck likes this cat. He even talks more since he feeds her. I think she’s good for him. She is a nice cat and so far, as I know, doesn’t cause trouble.” Tony’s eyes wander from the blonde to Bucky to her and back again. “Fine. But when I find out that she pooped anywhere and breaks anything she’s leaving. On the spot!” Both soldiers nod and Bucky even smiles a bit. “You heard that, Y/N. You can stay. Come down, yeah?” Bucky reaches up again but Y/N presses back against the wall again. It’s safe up here. She stays and observes for a while. Bucky’s smile falters a bit and Y/N notices that he glares at Tony for the rest of the day. Serves him right!

She stays there for the rest of the day. One after another the whole Avengers walk in. Y/N needs some time to sort out who is who but manages to remember it rather quickly. No one really notices her. Except for the red-haired woman, Natasha, who looks at her after Bucky looked up at her for the fourth time in a row. She doesn’t say something, though. They all start to eat and Y/N feels her own stomach grumble. She peeks over the edge again, making sure that everybody is distracted. Only Natasha looks at her and smirks. Y/N focuses on her for a moment, then she makes her way down from her hideout. She slips through the feet of the others on the table and climbs on Bucky’s lap, making him choke on his forkful of noodles. He looks down and a small smile spreads over his face as he sees her. “Wow. He smiles. Guys! He can smile!” The dark colored man, Sam, points at Bucky, earns some laughs and a slap which probably comes from either Natasha or Steve. Y/N choses to ignore him and instead peeks over the edge of the table. “What the fuck!” That’s Clint, she notices. Y/N ignores him as well and jumps on the table, right next to Bucky’s plate and focuses on it, flicking her tail. Several things happen at the same time.

Someone aws’ behind her, a few people curse and just stare, Bucky laughs at their expressions and runs his hand over her head while she presses into the touch. Tony starts snarling and shouting to get the fucking cat from the table, all while the others ignore him and start to ask questions. Y/N meows and looks expectant at Bucky. “BARNES! Down with the flee ball!” Tony’s voice thunders over to them and makes her flinch. She presses tight to Bucky with a scared meow. Bucky sighs and glares at Tony but picks her up and places her on the ground. “Sorry, Y/N.” She looks up at him, meows and tries to climb on his lap again. “No, Y/N.” Bucky lets out a rumbling laugh and shoves her back down. Offended for her denied desires she turns her butt to him and glares over her shoulder at the brunette man. “Oh shit, Barnes. You get the cold shoulder.” Sam laughs and watches as Bucky’s smile falters a bit. Good. She goes and lies down on the counter with a glaring stare at Bucky’s head. She sees him squirm a few times and she knows that he feels her glaring. Tony glares at her because he clearly doesn’t want her on the counter either but the rest of the people ignore her or look at her now and then with soft smiles. After a few minutes Bucky turns around abruptly. “Okay. I’m sorry. Please stop staring at me.” His face is soft and a bit annoyed. She just flicks her tail and continues staring at him. And he stares back. “Buck. Come on. Let her be.” Bucky turns briefly to the blonde man and Y/N celebrates her win in the staring contest with a purr and a slow meow. Bucky flicks his head back but turns to his plate again.

Not even two minutes later he stands up, his plate in hand and puts it down on the floor before he walks to her and picks her up. She protests a bit with her claws in his arm but stops after he winces and strokes over her back. A small purr escapes her and she curses herself slightly. She’s too soft for this man. Bucky puts her down in front of the plate with the leftover chicken from his noodles. “Here. I’m sorry. You can have it.” Y/N eyes him for a second, then she eyes the plate, sniffs on it and starts eating. She hears Bucky sigh as he falls back on his chair. A collective laughter runs through the room. “There’s the proof. Cats have stuff.” The blonde, Clint, says. Y/N meows to confirm it and jumps on Bucky’s lap to rub her head under his chin to thank him for the food. He chuckles and rubs his metal hand over her back to the top of her tail.


	2. Complications

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that it takes so long for me to update here. I moved a month ago but theres still no Internet connection in my flat so I have to wait until I can go to my parents to upload...
> 
> I hope that it won't take much longer for me to be able to upload every week again.  
Sorry :/

After dinner they all settle in the sitting area. Friendly chatter sounds through the room and Y/N is content to only watch for a few minutes. Bucky keeps stroking her fur and she purrs into his touch. She lets herself flop to the side, against his stomach and catches his hands with her paws. Playfully, she nibbles on his fingers and gest him to laugh. He wriggles them so she needs to focus on them. She lets out a low meow and snaps her paws forward, catching his hand and guiding it back down. At some point she finds herself standing up and wiggle around, laying low to hunt this damn hand and his damn fingers down to death.

After a while she lies back down and rolls onto her tummy and scans the area for a second time before she gives herself in a long and needed stretch. She jumps from Bucky’s lap with almost no sound and strolls through the room. She rubs her head against Steve’s ankle, letting him pet her and walks further to Sam who copies Steve’s motion. Clint pats her awkwardly and she instantly knows that he’s more of a dog-guy. Natasha instead is quick to pick her up and cradles her on her lap. Usually she would squirm away but she has a liking for the red-head. She is nice and surprisingly she knows all the spots that feel good. She purrs and showers her in the same head rubbing which she did for Bucky. She stays a while in Nat’s lap and bathes in her attention before she continues her stroll. She sits in front of Tony and just looks for a second. But the brunette eyes her only for a second. “Oh, no. I’m not petting. Go. Hush!” He motions for her to go away but she does the opposite. She lays low and carefully walks up to him until he suddenly sits straight. “I said go!” He flings his legs and almost hits her with his foot. She lets out a scared hiss and runs up to the next person in reach which happens to be Clint again. Even the dog-guy throws a sympathetic look at her. “Tony! Why are you doing that?” Nat looks at him with shock in her eyes while Bucky holds his hand out for Y/N to come back to him. “I don’t like cats. She gets her hair everywhere!”

“But you let her stay.” Steve points out and raises a skeptical eyebrow. “Only because frosty seems to like her and you said that he’s happier.” Tony grumbles and ignores the snicker and scolding of the others for the next ten minutes before he goes back to talking with them. Y/N tries it a few times more over the next three hours but the result is the same.

The next day is not a better start for her and Tony. She sits mindlessly in the hall, cleaning her paws as Tony walks by. She meows at him but the genius grumbles and shoos her away with a glare. She hisses in shock and escapes in the slightly opened door of Bucky’s room, jumps on the couch where he sits and climbs into the pocket of his hoodie. “Hey, what’s up with you?” He puts the news and his coffee aside and pats the full pocket. Y/N starts to make a big bow around Tony whenever she sees him. He reminds her too much of all the people on the street who push her around all the time.

The only time she can’t avoid him is in the common room. Everybody sits around and minds their own business. Steve reads a book and looks up now and then to listen to a story Sam tells. Nat and Clint play some dumb phone game against each other while Bruce reads in a science book. Its relatively peaceful. Y/N has situated herself on the backrest of an armchair while Bucky sits on his tablet and searches through something, she’s not interested in. It’s quite and she likes it. She closes her eyes and lets her chest rumble with a few purrs until she lulls herself into a slight slumber. She can hear Bucky chuckle and rustle around. A hand comes and stroking over her back. She peeks slightly to watch him go to the kitchen. Suddenly the doors to the common room open and Tony strolls in. He walks straight to the armchair before he suddenly stops in his tracks. “That’s my chair.” He only says the words but Y/N shrieks out a meow and almost falls from the back rest. She catchers herself and flees to the kitchen jumping on the counter and almost kicks Bucky’s cup from it. She plucks her nails into his sweater. Bucky hisses and tries to catcher her but she climbs further up until she manages to hide in the hood, almost strangling him with her weight. “What’s up with her?” Tony looks around and is met with raised eyebrows. Bucky comes in, holding the collar of his hoodie down to not get strangled and sits down on the couch next to Steve. Bucky raises and eyebrow at the scientist and crosses his arms over his chest after he managed to get the hood on the backrest of the couch. “What?”

“What did you do? I can feel her shivering.”

“I did nothing!” Tony fights and pouts as no one seems to believe him. “I just glared at her and said she should leave me alone.” Bucky frowns and tries to turn to look at the cat. “Y/N, c’mere.” He holds out his hand and tries to reach for her. She plucks her nails in his hand, getting him to hiss again but he still grabs her and pulls her out to sit her on his lap. She struggles a bit, meowing distressed. “Come on, girl. It’s okay. Tony won’t do anything.” Bucky tries to stroke her back but Y/N is still on edge. She wriggles and struggles but doesn’t get far because Bucky holds her with his metal hand. She manages to get some good scratches on his hand but other than that the man keeps her down. He strokes her and eventually lets her hide in his pocket. He still minds to get a touch on her all the time to be a calming presence for her. Y/N has to admit that the nice smell in his pockets does wonders for her nerves and she feels herself calm rather quickly. “We should put up a cat tree and something to hide for her.” Nat says and Bucky hums which gets a nice rumble down to Y/N. She purrs lightly at that and feels Bucky laugh at the vibrations she sends to him. “maybe some toys?” Steve asks and Y/n can her Bucky hum as his hands comes into the pocket and stokes over her head. She purrs and closes her eyes. It doesn’t take long before Bucky pulls her back out from the pocket. She growls a bit but Bucky keeps on stroking her fur. “Yeah, yeah. You’re a wild beast, I know.” He holds his hand in front of her face and shows her the scratches she made. Y/N looks at them and then at Bucky’s face before she lightly hits her head against his hands and lick over his thumb. The man chuckles and scratches behind her ears. Even Steve pats her a few times which makes Tony grumbles to himself but Bucky finds him shooting curious glances to the cat.

* * *

Y/N lives at Bucky’s place for a week now. She really likes her life right now even when she misses her nightly strolls through the empty city. The silence at night while the wind blows softly through her fur. The other cats she fights with just to have some fun. But Bucky always lets his door slightly a jar for her to slip out into the hall at night after she woke him up two night in a row with loud meows and some light scratching to his arm. He even brought her a cat tree for his room. She’s glad that Bucky took her in and even happier that she’s allowed to stroll through most of the living space. Tony even stopped scowling at her and she managed to get him to pet her once or twice. And she just _knows_ that he liked it. He smiled. He doesn’t hate cats as much as he holds on.

Now she runs through the halls as fast as she can, getting some tension and stiffness out of her muscles and the noisy itch out of her skin. It always comes when she stays too long as one animal. Steve comes across her and jumps against the wall holding his heart before he chuckles as she passes him with a wild meow. She runs into the common room, up on the kitchen counter, on the shelves, over to the bookshelf over Sam’s and Clint’s lap and all the way back to Bucky’s room only to run just as fast back to the common room again. This time though she doesn’t jump on any further surfaces but stares around and listens. She sees Sam and Lint look at her with confusion but she ignores them. She can hear light snores. Perfect. Whoever sleeps here, sleeps on her place. She owns this place. It’s hers. A good reason to scare the shit out of whoever it is. She ducks low and tiptoes over to one of the couches. Sam snorts at her attempt at being invisible and she glares at him which makes Clint snort instead. She tiptoes further and stops shortly, waggles her butt and jumps on the backrest of the couch. Just before she jumps down on the person with a loud screech she stops. Bucky. It’s not just anybody who sleeps here but Bucky. She thinks for a second to still scare him; it’s her place nonetheless but then again, he’s the one feeding her. And she likes him the most. So, she jumps down lightly, directly on his chest and curls together, pawing around beforehand. She purrs a few minutes and lets herself fall asleep on the brunette’s chest. Subconsciously he puts his hand on her back and hums. She doesn’t feel herself fall too deep asleep but she can hear Sam and Clint making fun of Bucky. That will give some hell of payback later.

* * *

“HOLY SHIT!”

“Who is she?!” Y/N hears voices shout and it’s annoying. She lets out a grumble but it’s more a groan. It sounds different than normal. And the rumble in her chest is entirely missing. The surface under her shifts and suddenly freezes and tenses. She’s confused and tries to move a bit but the space is tight. Confused to that she opens her eyes and is met with more than two eyes. Steve and Sam stare at her in shock. She narrows her eyes and looks around as she sees Bucky stare at her, too. He is tense and looks as if he doesn’t know her. She hoists herself up a bit and suddenly realizes what it is. She looks down at herself and jumps from the couch with a startled gasp.

She changed! She’s human again. She has hands, legs, wears her old dress! That can’t happen. She didn’t do it consciously.

She looks at Bucky with frightened eyes while gripping the hem of her dress tightly with her hands. “Who the hell are you?” Her eyes switch between Bucky, Sam and Steve and a frightened whine escapes her.

No… Why is this happening? What should she do? It’s been a while that she changed to her human self and neither Bucky nor the others know her like this. They won’t accept her, like all the others before. They will punish her for what she is!

She takes a few frightened steps back as Bucky sits up and pushes himself to a stand. She looks around for an escape, but the door to the hall is right behind Steve. Her eyes dart around. She can’t jump through the windows and there is no other door. “Hey. Who are you?” Bucky looks confused at her, with a bit of anger, and stretches his hands out for her. Her anxiety creeps up and she bolts. She needs to go. Away from here. No matter where she goes but anywhere then here. She runs past the brunette, changes while running and dashes past Steve’s and Sam’s legs, right into the hall and into the next empty room she can find. She looks around wildly and quickly decides to hide on the highest surface she can find. A big closet that almost reachs the ceiling comes just right, so she jumps on a shelf and then on the closet, pressing herself as tightly to the wall and as flat to the surface under her as she can. She hears the thundering of boots on the floor and not a second later Sam comes running into the room. “I’ll check here! Go further down.” Y/N presses even tighter to the wall and listens to the man walk around. She hears him look into the closet and holds her breath but he luckily doesn’t check on top of it. He checks a few other sideboards and under the bed, even in the bathroom but sighs. “Dammit.” He swears and leaves the room, closing the door behind himself. Y/N huffs a breath of relief and stays on the shelf for a while. Too scared to come down just yet. They probably tell the others and everybody is searching for her soon.

She stays low and thinks about her options. She can stay of course. Risk that they don’t want her and throw her out or hurt her. Or she could leave, avoid all of that, of explaining herself, getting rejected and hurt. She could leave the tower and live on the street again. Move over to another edge of New York and leave the tower behind. Leave Bucky behind. She knows everything could work out fine too. They might still like her, even let her stay. But everything she was met with until now was hate. Hate for her and what she is. Hate for what she can do. Every time something went wrong it was her fault. When something at home broke. When her father fell down the stairs. When the school got burned down. Even the amok run in a school two cities away from her hometown. Everything was her fault. And she got punished for that. She shudders and forces herself to get rid of all the old memories.

Twenty minutes later still no one came in to check the room, so she slowly climbs down from the shelf and changes back to her human self. She looks down at herself. The red dress she brought two years ago is slightly rumpled and smells of cat. No wonder after all the times she changed to walk as a cat. It’s easier to get food and stay warm in cold nights or to move around the city. She looks around in the room. It doesn’t look lived in. No personal things lie around, no clothes, nothing. She opens some drawers but they are empty. She sighs. No other clothes for her to change in. She turns around a few times, looks at the room and asks herself what she should do now. She stops and stares at the door. Leaving. It’s the only thing she can do. She can’t wait till it’s dark. That’s too long. It’s barely two in the afternoon. And when she’s outside they can’t do anything. They can’t find her that easily.

Slowly she opens the door and peeks outside. Nobody is there so she slips out of the room and walks with quick steps to the elevator. She pushes the button and waits nervously for the doors to open, praying that no one will be inside. She steps from foot to foot and just as the doors open, she slips in and pushes the button for the ground floor. Just the she looks around and sighs as she finds it empty. She prays that no one steps into it on the way down then. She’s lucky and thanks her thousand stars that she comes to the ground floor without a stop. She steps out and looks around. She stops as she sees Tony and Bucky in the entry hall. They look around and Bucky grumbles to Tony who claps him on the shoulder. Her eyes dart to the doors. They’re just a few feet away. She can reach them. She’s even quicker when she changes, so she does. “There!” Tony points at her. She looks up just as the last of her changes and looks right at Bucky’s face. He takes a step forward and Y/N takes a step back, ducking in fear, leaning her ears on and her tail closely around her. Then she looks at the door. Bucky follows her gaze but she starts running just as he looks back to her. Almost! She’s almost there. Just as the doors automatically open for her she hears his shout. “Y/N!” She stops and turns her head to look at him. Her heart clenches a bit. Bucky looks sad, confused and distressed. Even pleading of some sort. “Please.” He shakes his head and holds out a hand. “Please. Come back. It’s okay. I won’t do anything. I just have questions. Please.” Y/N’s heart sinks further. She would go to him so gladly, but she can’t. Too often people told her they won’t do anything. And almost every time it was a lie. They won’t accept her either. They will hurt her, punish her. They will hit and shove her around. Tony already did it at the start without really knowing her. She looks to the street before her, back at Bucky and to the street again. She shares a last look with Bucky and meows her sorry before she runs out on the streets to hide in the next alley.

She misses Bucky falling to his knees, his hand slowly sinking. She misses Tony walking up to him and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder while they both stare at the point where she had stood.


	3. Silence

Bucky sits at the kitchen counter. He has bread, butter and some other things in front of him but makes no move to actually get something done. He’s hungry but he has no energy to do something against it. Lunch and dinner went similar, yesterday. He sat silently at the table with everybody else, didn’t ate and didn’t talked. Steve shared him concerned glances all the time and tried more than once to get him to talk, to eat or to do something at all. But Bucky didn’t. He sat there, stared at his plate and said nothing. Even Tony and Sam shared concerned glances at him. He was barely himself. They know him silent, yes, but he always took care of himself, ate, drank and talked at least to Steve. But now. Now he is a shadow. An empty shell. And he feels like one. Whatever this cat had done to him, now that she’s gone, he feels like she took all the joy with her that he had. He can’t really explain it himself but he doesn’t feel the need or comfort or whatever to speak or do anything.

He hears steps behind him and he immediately knows that it’s Steve but he doesn’t turn around. He keeps staring at his plate and the bread. He hears Steve sigh and he knows that he looked at the small plate with chicken on it that he had set out for Y/N, even when he knows that she’s not coming to eat. It became a habit. The night hadn’t let him not forget that. He slept worse than in a while. He had a nightmare which he hadn’t since Y/N was with him or more precisely since he fed her and it had shaken him up pretty badly. He wasn’t able to fall back asleep, so he’s awake since two in the morning now.

Bucky looks at the small plate, too, and feels his heart sink even more, if possible.

He misses her even when she was only a few days with him. The stool beside him gets pulled away a bit and Steve sits down, clapping one hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Buck.” He says nothing and just shrugs. She chose to leave after all. What else can he do to get her to stay as to ask her? Steve sighs again and looks at Bucky’s breakfast. “Did you eat anything yet?” Bucky stays quiet. “You know, I miss her too. I got used to her sneaking up on me.” No reaction. Steve sighs again. “I worry, Buck. You didn’t speak since she left. You barely ate.” The brunette feels his friends’ eyes on him. “Please, don’t fall back to your old habits. Talk to me at least.” But Bucky doesn’t. He doesn’t know what to talk about. His head is full with things and at the same time it’s empty. Nothing seems important and yet everything is. The blonde soldier stands back up with another sigh and turns to leave. “Don’t forget to take care of yourself, Buck. Please.” Bucky listens silently as Steve leaves the room again. He manages to get one bread done and eats it before he puts everything back again. At a loss he stands in the common room and looks around. Here lies a mouse, there a laser pointer. Memories at Y/N. The mysterious cat. And woman?

He heaves a heavy breath and leaves the room. Helpless he looks down the hall, not knowing what he should do. He avoids going to his room. It reminds him too much of the cat- no, woman- who lived with him for a few days. He’s still curious why she hadn’t said anything, explained herself or why she even stayed with him. But she was beautiful. Her eyes, her hair. Everything seemed beautiful on her. He would like to meet her again, not only to ask her why she could change into a cat and why she left but to see her face again.

He walks down the hall to the gym. Bucky doesn’t really feel like doing anything but it is better to walk down there and watch Nat and Clint or whoever might be there train than to walk around the tower without really knowing what he should do. The doors slide open and he is instantly met with moans and groans and other sounds of sparring that he knows. He watches as Nat kicks her foot at Clint’s chest but he’s quick to dodge it and holds her foot still. But Nat reacts quickly and jumps up and throws her other foot at his chest and sends them both to the ground. Clint grunts and stays down, his chest heaving fast. Nat stands back up and looks at him with a smirk. “Tired already?”

“You wish.” He breathes and takes in a heavy breath. “Just- Just need to-” He gestures with his hands and lets his head fall back down. His eyes register the movement on the door and he looks over. “Wow, hey Barnes!”

“Buck. You joining?” Nat looks over as well, a small smile on her lips. Bucky stays silent. He only shakes his head and walks over to the boxing area. He thinks about punching the hell out of the bag. Get some frustration, anger and sadness away but somehow, he doesn’t see the fun in it, so he turns right back around and leaves the room again. Nat and Clint frown at the door before they both look at each other. “He really liked that cat-woman, huh?”

“Seems so.” Nat nods and looks back to the door. “We need to do something.”

“And what? Go out there and look at each cat until we find the one?”

“Yeah. Something like that.” Nat nods at him before she heaves him up on his hand and continuous with sparring.

After the frustrating visit in the gym, Bucky wanders down the halls without any real aim. He finds himself in the entrance hall. Sam walks past him and greets him with a smile as he leaves the tower but Bucky only looks at him. He sits in one of the chairs and waits. And waits. And waits. Y/N doesn’t come. Of course, she doesn’t, what did he expect? He still stays and blends everything out that happens around him. He doesn’t see Tony come back inside from wherever he went earlier. He doesn’t see Nat leave, see Steve sit down next to him and stand back up. He doesn’t see the curious glances of Happy who walks through the hall a few times.

Nat comes home to the tower a little while later and Bucky sits still on the same spot, head hanging low and looking at his shoes. She eyes him wary and greets him but lets him be as he didn’t answer and walks back up to the common room. She meets Steve who sits on the couch next to Tony and Bruce with a tablet in his hand. “Is he still down there?” The blonde looks at her with a quizzical look. Even Tony looks up with some sort of concern in his face. “Yeah.” Nat nods at his question and watches as he lets his head hang. “He really liked her.”

“I know. I’ll go out and find her. I’m still very confused how she did this changing and why we didn’t notice. You should get to work on getting him back on his track. He can’t mope around like this all the time.”

“I know, Nat. How high is your chance to even find her? She’s a cat.”

“I’ll find her. Don’t worry.” She waves at Steve and leaves again. She passes Bucky who didn’t even acknowledges her again. Steve comes down with her, too and sits beside him. “Buck. She’s not coming.” He looks up as a sniffle hits his ear. Bucky is crying. He never cries. “Buck.” His voice is soft and he slings an arm around is friend, guiding him into his shoulder so no one sees his tears.

The day wears on like that. Bucky stays quiet and Steve gets him up to his own room. He situates Bucky on his couch and gets him to drink and eat some chocolate bars. Then he lets him lie on the couch. He only turns on the Tv for some background noise. Only for dinner he drags him back to the common room. No one really feels like talking so it goes by quickly and no one says something when Bucky stands up. He grabs a big blanket from the back of a couch and buries himself under it. They all share a small look and one after another they get rid of their plates. Even when they all don’t talk; they don’t want to leave Bucky all alone. So, they situate themselves somewhere around him. Steve puts the dishes in the dishwasher and then slips on the couch Bucky lies on. He gets him to lift his head for some inches so that he can slip under him before he puts the brunettes head back on his lap. He found out, sometime ago as Bucky came to life with them, that it helps him to stay calm. They sit like that until Bucky falls into a fitful sleep. Steve prays that Nat finds this woman quickly.

* * *

Y/N wanders down the street. She’s not the cat anymore, feeling to confused to change back into it. She was a cat the whole time she stayed with Bucky. And she liked it so much but now it reminds her of him and it doesn’t feel the same anymore. It’s not the carefree feeling she had before. The warmth and love are missing. Instead, she chose to wander as human again. She doesn’t really know where she should go now, just that she holds to relative empty streets. It’s been a while since she stayed human. She learned quickly that life is harder as human but even worse as a dog. That’s why she stayed as cat. As human you get screamed at for being at the wrong place or just because you look funny. You don’t get food without paying for it. As a dog you get kicked around, shooed away and hit. Thing get thrown after you and if you have bad luck someone call the dog catcher and you have to run and hide.

She walks along the street and watches the families walk past her, couples laughing, friends marching through the streets. Bucky’s laughter flashes back to her memories. Grey eyes filled with joy, the crinkles around them. His hand stroking softly through her fur or the rumble that flows through his chest and gets her to feel content. “Fuck.” She shakes her head and looks up at the cloudy sky. “I should have stayed. Maybe.” She sighs and cruses herself. Why did she even run? They accepted her as a cat. _He _accepted her. Would they really kick her around like she thinks? Would they be so cruel?

She shakes her head a last time and hides back in an alley. Her stomach grumbles and she should find something to eat soon. She wasn’t able to get dinner or breakfast. So, she changes back. As cat it’s easier to get something. She jumps on a fence and walks along on it before she jumps back down and walks back to the main street. She ignores some of the fallow cat around her and just runs past them, only meows a greeting to two of them.

Along her way she stops on some diners, shops and restaurants she knows the owners give her something and strolls further down the street. She sits just down on a back door to a restaurant she never was at. It can’t hurt to try it here as well. She’s already so miserable so what else can suck today. She meows loudly as the door flies open but instead of a friendly human a can comes flying to her. “Go away you rat! Hopefully you get driven over!” She jumps and runs as fast as she can, knowing that the can had hit her if she hadn’t moved so quickly. She throws a last look over her shoulder. She doesn’t focus on the things in front of her and just runs. She topples over her own feet and collides with something in front of her. She lets out a confused meow and shakes her head before she looks up. “Ah. Found you!” She gets gripped at her neck and picked up. She struggles and hisses. She tries vehemently to pluck her claws into the hand that’s holding her. She must have succeeded. The man hisses in pain and lets her go. She falls to the ground, lands on her paws and dashes away through the feet of passing people and through alleys with other strays until she finds the spot, she usually hides in. She cowers lowly and tries to get her breathing under control. It’s fast and she can her hear own little heart explode in her chest. Her lungs burn and her mind is running. Why is everything so difficult now?

“Y/N?” She looks up in shock at hearing the name she got used to. In the alley, right at the start stands a woman. Not any woman. Natasha. She comes forward and Y/N backs away. Further and further until her butt hits the wall behind her. Fear adds to her running mind. She doesn’t want to run away again. Her lungs still burn and she’s tired. But her instinct tells her to flee. “It’s okay. I won’t do anything. Just need to talk.” Nat crosses her arms in front of her chest and looks down at her. She still continuous to corner Y/N, so she quickly takes a run. She squeezes past Nat’s legs, registering a brief touch on her tail and runs. She doesn’t pay attention to where she runs. She turns corners, jumps over fences, trash bins and climbs up fire escapes. She runs until her little lungs burn even more as if they burn out of her little chest and hides on a fire escape. She lies on her side and tries to catch her breath. This is hell! Why is everyone hunting her? She should have never stayed with Bucky. She should have never gone there in the first place!

“Got you!” Y/N screeches as two hand grab her and hold her tight. She tries to scratch and to bite but the woman stays unimpressed. “Stop that already! I want to talk!” Y/N meows and struggles and wiggles until Nat presses her against her chest. “Stop! Would you please change back?! We need to talk!” Y/N stops at her firm voice but stays cautious. She’s frightened. What will she do? Will she really just talk? Or punish her?

Nat puts her down on the ground but holds her hands on her. “I’m gonna let go of you now and you will stay and change or I’ll get that fur off of you. Understood?” Y/N cowers lowly and lets out a small meow. “Good.” Nat takes a step back and her hand leave Y/N’s body. She stays cowered and looks at Nat until she raises an eyebrow. “And?” Slowly Y/N changes back. She feels her legs and arms straighten and her back pop until she sits in front of Nat. She quickly crawls backwards and makes herself as small as she can after she hits the end of the platform. She sees Nat’s eyes on her. How she musters her. “Why did you run off? From the tower?” Y/N says nothing and just stares at the redhead. “Y/N. Why did you leave?” Nat asks again and comes a step closer. Y/N flinches and hides further in herself. She hears a light gasp from Nat. Then she hears some fabric rustle and a light hand touch her shoulder. She flinches again but the hand stays. Warm and light. Comforting. “Hey.” Her voice is suddenly very soft so Y/N glances up through her lashes. “Come back with me. Bucky misses you. He has questions. We all have. But no one is going to do anything, okay?” Y/N swallows the heavy lump in her throat and stares at Nat gentle expression. But she shakes her head. She can’t go back. “Y/N.” Nat looks a bit lost. Y/N has a feeling how Bucky must feel. When he’s just a bit like she is than he feels lost, alone. Unwanted. Y/n feels tears prick at her eyes but she shakes her head again and again. “Okay, okay. Stop that. Y/N!” Nat’s hands come up and cup her head in them, force her to stop shaking it. “Okay.” Just in that moment Y/N’s stomach grumbles. She had rough enough to eat. “You haven’t eating anything either?” Y/n ducks lower in her own embrace and lowers her eyes to the ground. “Okay, listen. We make a deal. I’ll get you something to eat and you stay here. You don’t run off or go to far. I can come once a day until you’re ready to come with me, okay? Sounds good?” Y/N musters Nat for a moment. Can it really be true? Can she really mean it? She lets her stay here, without threatening her to come along, without hurting her? She feels herself nod and a small smile comes to Nat’s lips. “Good. I’ll be right back.”

* * *

Nat comes back four day’s in a row. She brings Y/N something to eat and Y/N barely touches any of it. It’s not that she doesn’t like it or appreciates it. She just doesn’t have any hunger. Her stomach grumbles all the time but she blends it out pretty good now. Nat doesn’t force her to come with her or even talk to her but she’s honest with what’s she does and thinks. “Y/N, you know I told the others that I know where you are, right? They all are just waiting for you to come back. We didn’t tell Bucky though. He’s miserable and I think he stays like that if you don’t come back soon.” Y/N averts her eyes down to the plastic plate in her hand with the barely touches lasagna. She knows how Bucky feels. It seems that its been years since she left. As if she left and important part of her life and herself behind. “I can’t.”

It’s the first that she said since Nat found her. She doesn’t really know why she started speaking just yet but she thinks she needs to say it. “Why?” Nat doesn’t seem very impressed by her sudden talking. “Why can’t you come back? What do you think will happen if you do?”

“He won’t need me.”

“He needs you pretty much form what I saw. And I actually think we could need someone like you as well.” Y/n looks at the red head with a small smile. “Only so long until you get tired of me. Everybody does.” She stands up and puts the plate beside Nat before she jumps from the fire escape. She turns a last time to Nat. “Thank you for the food.” Then she changes and strolls with hanging head out to the main street. Nat eyes the lasagna skeptically. Y/N hast even touched it like most of the others that week.

The next day Y/N can barely get the energy to stand up from the fire escape. Some of her cat friends lie around her and cuddle up to her as Nat approaches her. “Y/N.” Some of the cat hiss, others just look at Nat. Y/N lifts her head only lightly but stays down. She notes that Nat doesn’t has something to eat, that she’ll be ignoring anyway, with her. “You’re coming with me!” Y/N thinks for a moment if she’s ready to argue and to change. She will scare her friend and probably be alone for the next weeks if she does but Nat’s look let’s not think that she’s joking. So, Y/N changes.

She’s just finishes ad she stumbles. Nat catches her and guides her down. The surrounding cats push up and most of them run a way. Just two others, a fat yellow one and a slim black one stay behind and watch the two of them. “You okay?” Y/N nods shakily as Nat continuous to stand in front of her. “Okay. I’m taking you with me now.”

“no. Why?” Y/N looks up with confusion. She thought she told Nat that she can’t go back. “because you can’t take care of yourself. You haven’t eaten any of the thing I brought and I wouldn’t be surprised if you barely drank anything as well.” Natasha counts the facts and hold out her hand to help Y/N up. “Nat, no.”

“I won’t accept a no any longer, Y/N! You’re coming with me. I can do it in a bad way if you rather have that.” She looks sternly at Y/N and makes her swallow. “Okay.” Y/N nods and takes Nat’s hand. _Better get this over with. At least they will leave me alone when they push me away after a while._


	4. Know me

Nat walks through the streets with some confidence Y/N can’t understand. She walks a bit like she owns them. Not minding the others, not even glancing at them. She pushes past as if they aren’t even there. Y/N on the other hand dodges every contact. She holds her head low, avoids eye contact or contact at all. She stays close behind Nat, clinging to her hand for support and afraid to lose her. She sees Nat turn briefly and she knows that the redhead sees her frightened expression, her dodging and avoiding the people or flinching every time someone gets too close to her. She feels Nat’s eyes on her as the redhead slows down to walk beside her instead of in front of her. They walk in silence. Y/N hasn’t spoken a single word in months, except of the few words she exchanged with Nat, so she feels comfortable to stay quiet. But she knows she has to talk sooner or later. Not only to Nat but to the others, too.

Someone walks past her and hits his shoulder against hers. She flinches and jumps into Nat. Her breathing gets quicker and she knows she’s close to a panic attack. “Change. I need to change!” She looks around frightened, standing in the middle of the sidewalk. “Cat. Dog. Whatever!” She starts to shiver and to wheeze. Dizziness adds to it because of the lack of food and water for the last part of the week. Nat only takes one look before she grabs Y/N’s arm and drags her to the nearest alley she can see, steadying her so she won’t fall. She lets Y/N lean against the wall and takes a step back. Y/N slides down on it and curls into a small ball, rocking for and backwards while muttering inaudible things to herself. “Hey, Y/N? Breathe.” Y/N closes her eyes and shakes her head. She knows what to do and she knows she will calm down in a few seconds. The little hairs on the back of her neck are still standing tall but she feels the tension leave her shoulders, now that she’s in an alley with less people. “Y/N, what’s wrong?” Nat crouches in front of her and looks a bit concerned. “I- don’t like them. Don’t like them.” She rocks back and forth still hiding her face in her arms. “Who? The people?” Y/N only nods and rocks heavier. She stays with small sentences, feeling easier to not talk too much if she has to talk at all. “They hit me. Kick me. Punish me. Don’t like them. Always nicer to animals. Still hurt me.” She doesn’t see Nat’s shocked face but she feels her warm hand come back up to her shoulder. She twitches but doesn’t shakes the hand away. She knows she tries to comfort. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I know it’s probably not easy.” Y/N nods frantically and rocks for a bit longer. “You promise to stay by my side when you drop?” Y/N nods again. “Okay. Can you do a dog? I only saw you as cat. But a dog won’t look strange if he follows someone.”

“I can.” Y/N nods again and looks up at Nat. She smiles. Natasha is smiling at her. She’s not hitting, shouting or punishing her. She’s kind and concerned. No one was ever concerned about her. Y/N looks at her. “What dog?” She’s curious what Nat likes. Is she a cat or a dog person? She already liked Y/N as cat but that was before they knew who she really is. And they still don’t know who she is. “I don’t know. Maybe a... a shepherd?” She looks at Y/N and Y/N sees a small glistening in her eyes. Nat smiles at her and Y/N feels herself relax a bit and smiles a tiny smile back. She concentrates and feels herself change. Just a few seconds later she stands next to Nat as a beautiful Australian shepherd. Nat smiles at her and Y/N lets her tail waggle. She feels better already. Except that she doesn’t. She’s tired. Really tired.

“Can I?” Nat reaches her hand out and looks at Y/N with almost pleading looking eyes. Y/N lets out a whine and lies down, her tongue lolling out. Nat smiles again and starts patting her head. “So soft. How do you do that?” Y/N nuzzles shortly into Nat’s hand and whines again. Her fear doesn’t creep up from behind anymore and her breathing is steady again. But the thought of going to the tower holds her nerves on edge which parts with her tiredness. Her muscles ache and she feels exhausted. She could sleep right here. Nat stands back up and claps in her hand. “So, enough playing. Let’s go.” Y/N tries to stand back up but collapses again. She whines softly and huffs a tired breath. “What’s wrong?” Natasha turns around and looks at her. Y/n whines again and tries to get on her paws for a second time but the result is the same. Her stomach grumbles loudly and she closes her eyes for a moment. “Y/N?” It takes a lot out of her to open her eyes but when she does Nat crouches in front of her. “Can you stand for second?” Y/n only whines. She knows she can’t. her muscles ache her legs feel like jelly and she knows it’s because she hasn’t eaten anything these past few days. “Nat frowns for a second but she sits down beside her and pulls a phone out from somewhere. Y/N rests her head on Natasha’s leg without thinking twice and closes her eyes. The noises around her fade to a pleasant drum in her ears. She feels Nat’s hand on her head and gives in into the warm touch. She loses a bit of her feeling for time and when Natasha gently lifts her head from her lap, she doesn’t know how long she had been lying there. “Y/N? You’re awake?” Y/N opens her eyes lazily and glances up at Nat. She’s surprised to find a man next to her. He’s tall but chubby with curly hair. He wears a suit and looks down at her in confusion. “What?” His voice has a soft drum in it and Y/N likes it. He sounds appealing. “We get her to the tower.”

“Tony won’t like it.”

“I don’t care what tony likes. She needs to get back.” Nat snaps, not angrily but clear on her statement. The man just shrugs his shoulders and points behind himself. “The car is at the sidewalk. Can she walk?”

“We’ll see. Go ahead.” The man leaves after he shares a last look at Y/N. She whines and watches Nat as she crouches down in front of her and runs her hand through her fur. “Come on. Just to the street. You manage that.” Y/N whines again but forces her aching limbs to work like ordered. Shakily she comes to her paws and leans a bit against Nat until she feels steady enough to at least walk a few feet. She stays close to Nat to avoid the people between her and the car the man mentioned. She even lets a small child pet her after it laughed and made grabby hands for her.

“Okay, Y/N. We’re here.” Nat pats her head and looks expectant at her as the man opens the door. Somehow Y/N manages to get inside of the car and falls to the ground with a huff. She closes her eyes and is asleep in a matter of seconds. She doesn’t even hear the door getting closed.

A while later she wakes to soft air whirling through her fur. She yawns and opens her eyes only to whine in shock to find herself in Nat’s arms. “Awake?” She barks silently and Natasha sets her back down to the ground before she sets a bowl of water in front of her. “Drink.” Y/N sniffs at the bowl and takes a careful sip. The water feels cool and soothing on her dry tongue and throats and she eagerly slurps up every drop of it. The moment the bowl is empty she looks up at Nat and whines. She paws the bowl again, begging for more but Nat shakes her head. “No. Eat first.” The man appears in her sight and sets a second bowl in front of her. Then his hand pats her head and she choose to let it happen. She even waggles her tail a bit. She eats whatever is in front of her. Y/N can practically feel her strength getting back. She doesn’t manage to eat the whole food in the bowl since she hadn’t eaten in days but it seems to be enough for the moment. She sits back at her haunches and looks expectant at Nat. “Good. I give you some more water and the you change.” Y/N lays down and plays her front paws over her eyes with a whine. She really doesn’t want to change. Not yet. “Okay. Fine. But you will need to change eventually.” Y/N sits back up and lets her tongue loll out again before she quickly empties her water bowl. The man chuckles but quickly vanishes as Nat glares at him. Nat motions her through the door of the tower and into the hall and ignores Happy’s who now sits on a couch but Y/N feels his eyes follow her. Then she motions for Y/N to get into the elevator and steps back out with her to stand in front of the common room. Nat takes a last look at Y/N. She’s nervous. What will happen when she crosses the door? What will they do? Shout? Throw things? Kick? Or nothing of that?

Nat pushes her inside and Y/N is instantly met with silence and stares. Bruce sits with Wanda and Sam on a couch, Tony talks with Vision but stops as he sees her. Steve sits beside Bucky on the couch and looks at him with a worried expression. Bucky lies down, buried under a thick blanket. He looks tired, his eyes are bloodshot and he even looks a bit thinner than Y/N remembers but she probably lost a few pounds too.

Y/N whines once but it gets no reaction from the brunette. Only the others to stare at her. “No! No, no, no. First Frosty brings a cat, that’s not actually a cat, and now you bring a dog? Absolutely no.”

“Chill, Tony. It’s not a dog. Not really. It’s her.”

“You got her to come?” Steve raises and eyebrow and sits up a bit straighter. Nat only motions to Y/N and she looks up to her. Instead of changing like Nat wants her she strolls over to Bucky and sits in front of the couch. The man stares at the ceiling, not noticing anything. Y/N nudges him with her nose but gets no reaction from him. She does again and this time even licks over his arms and suddenly Bucky sits vertical on the couch. His eyes are wide and open and he stares at her in shock. Y/N paws his leg with a whine and then lies down, her head on her paws. “You know, I ran into her a few days ago. She got chased by a man from some shop. And first she ran from me, too, but I got her. She wouldn’t come so I brought her food, which she never touched. And today I forced her here after she couldn’t even stand right. She’s a bit like Barnes. Yeah, well, here she is. Obviously, a cat is not the only thing she can do.” Y/N barks shortly and sits back up, going a bit closer to Bucky’s legs. Bucky just looks at her with somewhat dull eyes. Nat goes to the kitchen and gets a bottle of water as well as a banana. “Y/N.” Y/N turns to look at Nat. The other woman stares at her with firm eyes and nods. Y/N huffs and strolls over to her. She whines but Natasha still stares, so she has no choice. She concentrates and changes back until she stands beside Nat. She quickly slips a bit behind her. Natasha tosses the bottle and the banana at Steve who passes it to Bucky. He doesn’t eat but at least drinks a few small sips from the water.

Y/N’s eyes wander over the faces of everybody and stop at Bucky’s. She locks eyes with him and a little spark comes to his grey eyes. She feels herself smile the slightest bit. When his eyes come back to life like this, can they do something bad to her? Will he punish her? Or shove her away?

She doesn’t wave at him despite having the impulse to do so. She feels too nervous and the tension in her body makes her anxious about Bucky’s behavior if she would.

Someone clears his throat and Y/N looks back around to see everyone staring at her. She shoves herself a bit closer to Natasha’s back and a bit more behind her.

“Okay, Cat-dog-lady, first thing first, because I don’t want to address you with cat-dog-lady all the time. Do you have a name?” Tony says and stands up to walk to the bar and fills himself a drink. Y/N shakes her head lightly but Tony won’t let that get through. “Can you not talk?”

“Tony!” Steve scolds but Y/N shakes her head again. “I-I can.” She stutters slightly but Tony doesn’t seem to notice or just choses to not address it. “So, name?”

“I-I don’t have one.” Tony stops mid drinking and stares at her. “Sorry. What?”

“I... don’t have a name.” She says it with a small voice and hides further behind Nat. Her hand grabs a bit at the redhead’s shirt. Nat just stays still and doesn’t move. “How can you not have a name?” Steve furrows his brows and looks over to Bucky. He is silent and just looks at her. But his eyes are softer, understanding even. As if he knew exactly how she feels, how it is to live without a name or a place to be. Y/N shuffles uncomfortable. She feels Nat turn a bit as she places a hand on her arm to reassure her that it’s fine. “I-I had one. When I was small. But... I don’t remember.” She looks down and wrings her hands together. She doesn’t want to think of the few years when she was twelve and got kidnapped. She doesn’t remember much and what she does is not very pleasant. Especially because her life got turned around completely after that “I’m sorry.” She chokes out and tries to suppress the tears in her eyes. She feels herself tremble and expects to get hit at any moment. “You don’t need to apologize.” Steve stands up and comes closer to her. Her head shoots up and she flinches a bit. He stops and looks helplessly and shocked. “Sorry.” Y/N whispers and looks back down again. She grabs at her dress and turns her hands into fists so that her knuckles turn white. “No, no. It’s okay.” Steve walks back again and sits down beside Bucky. Y/N follows him with her eyes. “Can we call you Y/N then?” Bruce looks at her and Y/N switches her eyes over to him. There’s no need for her to think about it. “Yes.” She meets Bucky’s eyes again and as she sees that his lips curled up slightly, she adds, “I like it.” It’s the name he chose for her and she really likes it. She feels her own mind release some tension as Bucky actually smiles at her. She knows she must be smiling at him too because she sees Steve relax beside Bucky and hears someone hum. “Go sit.” Natasha whispers into her ear as she feels her sway a bit and Y/N looks at her. Nat motions to a free seat beside Bucky and Y/N makes an afraid noise in the back of her throat. But Natasha shoves her gently forward and so Y/N doesn’t have another choice than to walk over and sit down beside Bucky. She leaves some space between the brunette and herself. She doesn’t look at him and focuses on her hands that now lie intertwined in her lap. Bucky doesn’t say anything, so she doesn’t either. For a moment it’s silent. No one says anything but despite the silence in the room in her head it’s loud. Thoughts run around wildly. Why does no one’s say anything? Are they mad? I thought it would be okay… Is Bucky mad? But he smiled. Will they accept me? Will they even like me? Are they going to throw me out or let me stay? I want to stay. It goes on and on until Tony speaks up. “Okay. Let’s get serious now. What is th-”

“What else can you do?” Clint cuts Tony off and looks at Y/N with curious eyes. “Clint!” Nat says but Y/N softens her features a bit. It’s nice that he shows such an interest. She can’t remember a person in her whole life that showed interest in what she can do. Why did she think they would hurt her again?

She looks at Clint and quickly changes into a panda. Clint gasps and walks over to pet her. “What else?” She changes into a puma, a tiger, a small pony and even a big lizard before she settles for an eagle. “That is so cool.” Clint stares at her as she flies some rounds around the coffee table and lands on the back rest of an armchair, not far from Bucky. Tony scowls a bit, she obviously sits on his chair again, so she quickly flies back to her spot next to Bucky and changes back. She heaves some breathes, feeling exhausted because of so many changes in so little time and a bit dizzy because she still hadn’t enough to drink and eat. A hand on her wrist tucks her down so that she flops onto the couch where she had sat before. She looks up and sees Bucky stare at her. Y/N feels her cheeks heat up a bit and she quickly looks back down until a water bottle is shoved into her face. She looks back up again and sees Nat stand in front of her. Y/N takes the bottle and quickly uncaps it and drains half of it in one go.

“Okay. That’s great and everything. But now. What’s with this changing? Why can you do it?” Y/N twitches a bit as Tony’s voice who stands right behind her. She turns around and then throws a pleading look to Nat. She redhead shrugs and gives her an apologetic look. “I-I...” She thinks for a moment to tell him the truth but then again, she doesn’t want to think about it. “I can do it since I’m small. Don’t know where it came from.” Her voice is small and she prays that no one goes to dig deeper than that. “How can you not know? Don’t tell me it popped up suddenly. You didn’t go to school and suddenly sat as frog in a classroom, did you?” Y/N eyes Tony shortly but averts her gaze back to her lap. “I- No. But- I don’t remember.”

“You don’t remember? Is that the answer for everything?” Y/N feels like in an investigation, like her whole self is turned around. A sob comes out of her mouth and her hands shoot up to grab at her hair while she curls forward. “Sorry. I’m sorry. Sorry.” She rocks forth and back shaking her head rapidly and even starts to pull on her hair. Flashback hit her suddenly of kids punching her, shoving her into lockers closing her up in them. Kids kicking her after school, her father hitting her for being late and dirty, her mother making her sleep outside because she lost something like pens. “Y/N!” Hand grab at her wrists. She doesn’t fight them but keep on rocking forth and back, shaking her head. She feels the tears stream down her cheek and she knows everybody is watching. They probably think of her as pathetic. Of being worthless. It won’t take long and they start to hit he and punch her out of the tower. “Shouldn’t have… Shouldn’t have come. Mistake. Failure.” She mutters and tries to stands up but the hands are still firm at her wrist and hinder her on getting up. “There! You’re running again. Why do you run all the time?”

“Tony! Stop!” Wanda and Steve say it at the same time with firm voices but Y/N barely registers them. She’s too far in her own mind. “Y/N, look at me!” This voice is firm yet gentle and Y/N knows it’s Nat who’s holding her down. “Everybody, back off a bit. Give her some space. Y/N you need to breath. Take deep breaths.” She gasps for air and only then realizes that she hadn’t breathed properly. She struggles to get more air but then she feels a light touch to her chest. Just above her breasts. “Y/N.” The voice is silent but Y/N knows instantly who it belongs to. She tries to focus on the touch alone. On the warmth, the fingers. The feeling of the hand through the fabric of her dress. “Breath.” The voice is still gentle and then the second hand comes to her back. The feeling is different but still similar to the one on her chest. The hand on her back draws slow and small circles and slowly Y/N stops rocking and gets some air into her lungs. It takes a while of silence and back rubs until she’s so coherent that she gets a grip on her surroundings again. Bucky. She nearly sits on his lap now. His hands on her chest and back to get her to focus. Nat still holds her hands in her to prevent herself from hurting. And the others. Everybody is staring at her. “Don’t leave again. Stay.” The room is silent. Very silent. Y/N has the feeling that Bucky hasn’t spoken since she left, just like she hadn’t, and that he surprised everyone with his small voice. And Y/N struggles to get the plea in her head. Why would Bucky want her to stay after he was what a mess she is? After she showed him what a failure she is.

Y/N turns lightly to look at Bucky. His eyes are still bloodshot but they hold a bit more life than before. He stares at her. Not with disgust and hatred like she thought he would but with fear, confusion and concern. He wants her. He actually wants her here. In his life. But why?

He seems worried and nervous. She never saw him like this. He was always happy when she came, talked her ears off and stroke his hands through her fur. He was carefree. Nothing like this. From the corner of her eyes she sees Steve smile and lean back. Uncertain of what to do she shifts her eyes to Nat. The redhead leans back a bit, not releasing her hands, and smiles at her with a small nod at Bucky and a raised eyebrow. Y/N looks back at the brunette. And the only thing she can do is swallow and nod.

It stays silent for a while. And it’s comfortable. “Why do you always run?”

“Tony, stop it already!” Sam says and throws an apologetic look at Y/N. “Why? Don’t tell me you all aren’t curious about her!”

“We are but she’s clearly uncomfortable.”

“And? She has to answer the questions anyway. Why not now? So, spill!” Y/N takes in a stuttering breath and looks between all the people. She shuffles and feels lost. Even more so after Bucky takes his hand from her chest. He leaves his hand on her back though and continuous to draw the circles. “You don’t have to answer, Y/N.” Steve says and Y/N is grateful for his understanding. But she also knows that Tony is right. She has to answer the questions sometime. And no time will be any better than now. It always will be uncomfortable.

“I… People don’t like me.”

“W-what?” Tony shakes his head as if he didn’t hear right and stares at her. As does Bucky and the rest except of Natasha. Y/N fidgets a bit and throws a look at Nat but all that the red-haired woman does is nod at her encouragingly. “They don’t like me. They hit me, kick me, punish me. They always did. It got worse after my first change. I ran away from home a few years ago.” She wrings her hands again. “It’s the same as animal but better to handle. I can escape quicker. Getting food is easier. I don’t freeze in the cold.” She looks down at her hands, now released from Nat’s grip. “People scare me.”

She feels Bucky shift a beside her and rubs his circles a bit firmer into her back like he’s trying to comfort her. “Almost like Bucky then.” Steve says and Y/N looks up at him. “Buck used to avoid going out. Not because he was scared of the people but they were scared of him. I’m sure you know who he is and what he did under Hydra’s control.” Y/N nods lightly and changes to look at Bucky. Everybody knows Bucky. But she only saw the goods of him, so she isn’t afraid. And she always counted herself to the people who believed that Bucky wasn’t at fault for all the things he did. She knows how things that you can’t do anything against can scare people and hurt yourself. “He didn’t go out and then at some point the people scared him. He still doesn’t talk to strangers.” Bucky doesn’t show any reaction to Steve’s story. He only looks down at his hand. They stay silent for two or three seconds longer until Tony speaks up yet again. “Okay and now that we had that tell us why you stayed here and then took a run.” Tony sits down on his armchair. “I-I... I stayed because Bucky wanted me to. I liked it. He was nice to me all the time. I hadn’t need to beg for food. It was warm. Comfy. I finally had a home. Someone who liked me. When I changed, I got scared. People always punished me for changing. Chase me and hit me or avoid me. I was scared. I didn’t want it again. So, I left.” She looks directly at Tony who hums and sips on his drink. “It must have been hard.” Y/N looks over to Wanda and nods. “I got used to it. Avoided people altogether.” It’s silent for a long while then. No one says a word or moves. Y/N likes the silence but she feels uncomfortable as long as the time goes on. “Okay!” Tony claps in his hands and leans a bit forward in his seat. “I want you to stop running. I know I’m probably not expected to say this, seeing that I scared you pretty much myself but I want you to stay here. I even get you a room close to Frosty.” Tony motions to Bucky and Y/N is left with staring at the genius. “W-what?”

“Yeah you do him good and now stop asking.” Y/N stares with open mouth at him but her eyes switch to Bucky as his shoulder hits hers. He smiles at her with a small, shy smile. And she smiles back. “So…” She looks up at Clint whose eyes are still curious. “What’s the biggest thing you can do?”


	5. Safe

Y/N actually shows them a few of her animals, starting at the smallest which happens to be a dwarf otter, up to the biggest which is a black puma. After that she continues to sit shyly next to the brunette and listens to the others talk as if she had sat there the whole day. Nobody pushed her away until now, and she didn’t get beaten for her ability. The only thing that lets her feel slightly uncomfortable is the feeling of Bucky’s eyes on her. It’s not the uncomfortable feeling of wanting to run away and hide, it’s the feeling of knowing someone is watching you because you woke his interest.

The day passes by and Y/N stays mostly silent. She answers some questions but never starts a conversation on her own. She steels some looks at everyone present in the room to get a better reading on them, to get a feeling of what they might think of her, now that they know. But neither of them shows any kind of discomfort. The result is the same every time. As soon as they meet Y/N’s gaze they smile kindly at her. At some point Steve leaves and comes back with food and water and passes it to Bucky and Y/N. She only nibbles a bit on her food before she puts it back on the coffee table with a disapproving look from Natasha.

At some point Y/N slumps down on the couch and her eyes drift shut quicker than she manages to open them again. A hand on her shoulder rouses her form a light slumber she can’t remember to have fallen in, and she snaps her eyes open with a twitch. Grey eyes look guiltily and knowing at her. He’s not saying anything but motions for her to stand up and follow him. She looks around the room to see if the others are watching her, but she is surprised to find most of them gone. Only Tony, Natasha and Steve are still there. Had she fallen that deep into a slumber that she hadn’t noticed them leaving?

Slowly she drags her gaze back to Bucky who waits for her by the door. She looks quickly to Nat to get a confirmation to follow the man and only after she nods at her she starts moving to him. They walk silently through the hall to the elevator and then stay silent as it rides up a few levels. Y/N finds herself looking at Bucky from the corner of her eyes. He looks relaxed if tired. Somehow a bit of color is back in his face and his eyes actually seem brighter that she ever saw them. All in all, he seems to radiate a calmness and happiness he seemed to have missed over the time she was gone. As if it was bottled up. He catches her staring as the doors of the elevator open and smiles at her before he places his hand gently on the small of her back to push her out. He guides her along some doors until he stops right in front of one. “It’s your room.” He motions at the door and takes a step back for Y/N to open it. Confused to why she gets her own room she looks at him until he takes her hand to place it on the door handle. A wave of warmth flood through her as he touches her and as soon as it comes it vanished again as his hand leaves hers. The handle moves almost on its own and the door swings open only to reveal a room with grey and turquoise, decor pictures on the wall and here and there some fake plats to make the room comfortable. A cream-colored couch sits in the middle of the room, facing a big TV. Filled bookshelves are on the wall behind it, to each side a window showing the skyline of New York. Y/N stares for a moment. She never had a room like this. Not even this big. She turns to Bucky only to find him smiling knowingly at her. She feels her own mouth twitch into a matching smile. She makes a move to step fully into the room but Bucky quickly grabs her hand and pulls her into his arms. She tenses with surprise at the gesture. Bucky is tense as well, probably thinking about the fact that he just hugs her out of nowhere. “Y/N.” His voice is a whisper. Y/N doesn’t miss the pleading note in it. “Don’t leave again. Please.” She swallows past the lump in her throat and shakily wraps her own arms around Bucky’s middle. “Okay. I’ll stay.” She whispers back just a silently and closes her eyes, only focusing on the feeling of Bucky’s arms round her, the weight of his head on her shoulder and his puffy breath on her neck. They stay a moment longer until Bucky pulls away. He gifts her a smile before he quickly presses a kiss to her cheek and all but runs to the room opposite hers, which she knows pretty well. Y/N stays dumbstruck on her spot, one hand on the cheek Bucky has kissed and gaze pinned to the now closed door. She knows she smiles dumbly but does nothing to control it. Bucky had kissed her! It was a kiss to the cheek, yeah, but he HAD kissed her!

She stares a bit more until she’s sure that Bucky doesn’t leave his room again and turns around to look through hers. She skips inspecting the living area and turns straight to the corner of the room she hadn’t seen before. A big bed stands in the middle of the wall with small bedside tables beside it, beautiful lamps on top. The bed is more like a four-poster bed. Carefully she lets herself sink on the mattress. It’s soft, just like the one in Bucky’s room. She turns to look around and finds a second door. She opens it and finds herself in a bathroom. For a moment she gapes. It has a shower and a tub! A small sink and a toilet and many, many shelves. Y/N realizes she doesn’t even have something to fill them with. She leaves the room again and looks through her new living space. A knock on the door startles her. She lifts herself from the mattress again and walks to it. She opens it just the tiniest bit but then pulls it open as she sees Tony’s face. A bit of fear creeps through her. He used to not like her and shoo her away. Will he do just that again now? Does he accept her now that he knows who she is?

“Hey. Don’t be nervous. I won’t do anything. Can I come in? Great.” He doesn’t really wait for her to answer and strolls in just to flop down on the couch. Y/N only stares at him before she throws a quick glance at Bucky’s door and down the hall. She sees no one, so she closes the door and stands awkwardly by it. “Don’t just stand there. You’re making me nervous. Sit down!” Y/N shudders a bit but does as he said, paying attention on leaving some space between them. Nervousness creeps up on her, and she wrings her hands in her lap. “Okay, so. I’m here to apologize.” Y/N’s head shoots up, and she stares at the man. “W-what?”

“I’m here to apologize. I was not really nice to you and I’m sorry. I don’t want you to flinch each time when I enter a room. Don’t deny it. I saw it back in the common room.” Y/N closes her mouth but continuous to stare at him. “God dammit, stop staring at me.”

“S-sorry.”

“What’s with this staring? Do I have something in my face?”

“N-no. But…” Y/N stops speaking and wrings her hands a bit tighter. “But what?” Y/N has to admit that Tony actually looks a bit curious and concerned. “N-no one ever apologized.” Y/N sees out of the corner of her eyes how Tony’s eyebrows raise up to his hairline. “Never?” Y/N shakes her head. “Wow. I mean…” Tony goes silent and actually looks down on his own hands. They don’t say anything and Y/N finds it’s not really bothering her. Sure, she’s still wary of Tony but somehow his apology helps her to grow fond of him. “You know, I think I can relate a bit to how you feel. I faced some shit myself. It’s not that my father was a bad guy, but he lacked some things. I met many people who only treated me kindly because of my money but started harassing me after I refused to lend or buy them something.” Tony looks up at her, and she thinks for a second that she sees the pain she feels reflected in his eyes. She nods, not knowing what else to do. The silence stretches a bit until Tony clears his throat. “Yeah, well. I wanted to apologize. And I want you to feel at home. Feel free to use the rooms as everybody else does and if you need something you can ask JARVIS. I think you know him already from your first stay. He will order for you and you can make your own shopping list. Don’t worry about money. I cover for it.”

“But-”

“No buts!” Tony pats her knee and stands up. “It’s your home now. And I have more than enough money to cover for your stuff.” The man walks past her until he stands at the door. He’s almost outside before Y/N even manages to stand up, but he turns again to face her with a smile on his face. “Y/N. Feel free to make yourself comfortable in this room. Buy furniture you like or put on some pictures. Maybe even buy a scratching post or something.” He waves at her before he vanishes and misses her smile at his words. She lets herself sink back on the couch and smiles fondly at the door. This is unexpected. She never had thought that she would find people who accept her. Even like her.

After a moment she feels her tiredness grow, so she lifts herself heavily from the couch and strolls over to the bed again. She looks down on herself. Still, in the same dress with dirty feet and all. For a moment she thinks about showering but then again, she feels like she could fall asleep just standing there. The only thing she wants to try is one of the dressers. She opens a drawer and is surprised to actually find a pajama in it. She runs her hand over the soft lavender colored fabric and smiles. It’s the softest fabric she touched in a while and it feels really comfortable. So, she is quick to strip out of her dress, letting it fall to the ground where she stands and slips into the pajama. It actually feels soft all over, like a second skin that belongs there. A content sigh leaves her lips, and she wanders back to the bad, only to slip under the blanket and the bedspread and closes her eyes. The room gets suddenly very dark and when she opens her eyes to inspect it, she sees that the blinds glide to cover the windows. She stares for a second before she quickly shuts her eyes again. Too tired to ask JARVIS if it was him. It doesn’t take long for her before she falls into a slumber and then into a deep sleep.

* * *

The moment she opens her eyes she knows that something happened. Not outside her room but in here. With her. She’s cladded in sweat and her breathing is too quick. The blankets are tangled around her as if they want to hold her on the spot. She’s shocked for a moment. She really can’t remember what she had dreamed about, but she knows that it had to be bad. She sits a bit longer in her bed, looking around the dark room until she finds it to be too small and scrambles out of the blankets. In quick, long strides she makes it to her door and pushes it open to blindly walk to the elevator. She pushes the button Natasha had pressed prior and rides up to the common room. After the door slide open again, and she finds herself in the comfortable big room and lets out a sigh. The room is dark as well but bigger. It doesn’t feel as if it's pressing down on her to trap her. Her gaze falls to a clock somewhere on the wall and is surprised to see that it’s almost two in the morning. She fell asleep somewhere around noon. She really had to be tired if she slept for this long. A shiver runs down her back as the cold and drying sweat start to tingle on her skin. Her breathing is back to normal, but she knows that the shivering is bound deep down in her bones and won’t stop for the next twenty minutes. She sits down on the couch, draws her legs up to her chest and rests her head on top of her knees. She focuses on her breathing and on the silence. On the ticking of the clock, the wind outside and the faint sounds of cars that drive late at night. She ignores the shivers that run through her and the dark thoughts that sometimes come at night when she’s awake.

Suddenly a hand touches her shoulder, and she bolts up with a shriek. Her instinct flies into action, and she changes into a cat, runs over to the nearest shelf to climb up on the curtain and hide on it in the farthest corner. “Y/N. I’m sorry. It’s okay. Just me. Just Bucky.” Y/N gulps big shallows of air to calm her nerves that suddenly stand on edge and pushes her instinct on full alert. She peeks carefully over the edge of the bookshelf, ducked deep to quickly hide again if needed. “Hey. I’m sorry. Can you come down?” The brunette looks with fond eyes at her. He sits down on the couch and looks up to her, waiting until she feels comfortable to climb down to him. She feels a whimper leave her and Bucky’s face changes from light concern to more worried. “Are you okay? I heard your door shut and thought I look after you.” Y/N doesn’t answer, but she slowly makes her way back down from the shelf. Bucky takes the time she needs to climb down, to slide from the couch to the ground. He drags a blanket down from it as well and drapes it around himself but leaves some space on his lap for Y/N to climb on.

Her nerves are still in full alert, so she takes her time to slowly tiptoe over to him. She carefully sniffs on his legs and flinches a bit when he frees a hand to pet her. He quickly stops, shocked at her reaction but recovers quickly to hold a hand out for her to sniff on. She does and carefully presses her head into it after her nostrils are flooded by Bucky’s calming scent she likes so much. Bucky seems to take it as a sign to lift her up and place her carefully on his lap. Y/N snuggles a bit down into the blanket and lets out a purr as Bucky scratches behind her ear. “Are you okay now?” She opens her eyes on looks him deep in the eyes before she lightly shakes her head and closes the eyes again. Bucky says nothing but starts to stroke her fur more firmly as if he wants to ground her. And she actually feels her nerves calm down and even relaxes. She’s almost slack on Bucky’s lap when he starts speaking again. “I missed this. Stroking your fur, talking to you while you just listen. No one ever just listens. They always ask questions or want to give advises. But this is nice.” Y/N lifts her head for a moment and looks at him before she meows in confirmation. Reluctantly she lifts herself up and crawls up on Bucky lap until she can place her paws on his chest. Now she’s almost eye to eye with him and before she gets the chance to actually think about what she does she lick a small stripe over his beard and nuzzles into his chin. Bucky chuckles and presses her lightly into his chest before he places a kiss onto her head like he did before he knew that she’s actually human. When she looks into his face, she doesn’t see a sign that he minds. He actually looks relaxed as well. “How about we go back to bed, huh? It still late.” Y/N tenses a bit in Bucky’s arms, and he looks down at her with wide eyes. “It’s okay. We don’t need to.” Y/N knows that her eyes must look haunted because Bucky’s face switches through several emotions. Surprise, concern, shock and then understanding. He knows exactly what Y/N feels. At least she thinks he knows because he’s exactly doing what she needs. He scoops her up and cradles her in his arms, stroking soothing through her fur while he leans back against the couch again. “Do you mind changing? I like to talk to you. Really talk.” Y/N stares a moment at him, debating if she should or not, but then she wiggles out of his grasp and lands light-footed on the ground. She can feel Bucky’s eyes on her as she sits down and changes back to her normal self. Before she even gets a grip around being human again, she has already a blanked draped around her and gets pressed to Bucky’s side in a one-armed hug. She trembles again but gives into the hug and lies her head on his shoulder. She feels his lips for a brief moment on her hair before his head rests on hers. “What happened?” Y/N shrugs. She knows that’s not what Bucky wants, but he’s patient and waits. “Nightmare, I guess. Can’t remember.” Bucky hums and it sounds like he knows how it is to wake up in sweat, out of breath and haunted, terrified without even knowing what it was that caused it. “Any ideas?” She shakes her head again. Then she leans away from Bucky, sits up and looks at him. Properly looking at him. He seems better. More color in his face, the bags under his eyes seem reduced. He looks rested. His hands feel warm, warmer than before, and he looks happier again. If you wouldn’t know you would think that he had just a something like the flu and recovers from it instead of denying sleep, food and social conversations because of missing someone. “I’m sorry.” She says it in a whisper but Bucky hears her. His head turns a bit to the side which causes a bit of his hair to fall in his face. Now she registers that his hair is in a messy bun, destroyed off sleep and now a bad case of bed-hair. “For what?”

“Leaving. I know you meant it. Now I know.”

“Hm.” He hums and looks at his own legs before he looks back at Y/N. “I understand, though. Before Steve got me back, I used to run off more than once. I couldn’t understand that he actually would want me here. With everybody he calls friends. That they would accept me. They did in the end but it needed time to understand.” Y/N starts to chew on her cheek. She knows that it will need time. But recognizing that you want someone to leave does as well. “Y/N.” Bucky’s hand takes hers and its gentle. She could slip out of the grip if she wanted but his skin on hers sends a tingle through her. Automatically her fingers surround his hand and her eyes fly to his. “We will never push you away or set you on the streets. If I learned one thing about Stark then it’s that he means it when he tells someone that the tower is the new home. He lets me stay. Even when I killed his parents. It’s okay. You’re safe here.” Y/N opens her mouth to give a reply, but then she closes it again. She feels the burn of tears in her eyes and leans slightly forward until her head hits Bucky’s shoulder. And all he does is to wrap his arms around her and to whisper against her ear. “You’re safe. This is your home now. We’re your family.” Y/N lets her tears fall for a while and Bucky holds her the whole time. Then they scramble up and Bucky wraps the blanket tighter around her before he walks with her back to the elevator and down to their floor. Y/N shifts more and more while they come closer to her room. She really doesn’t want to go to sleep again. Especially not alone. Bucky seems to sense it because he speaks up as they step into the hall. “Do you want to come to my room? I don’t mind.” Y/N thinks about turning his offer down, but then she finds herself nodding. And the smile that crosses Bucky’s limps makes her warm inside. “Okay.” He guides her over to his room and opens the door. He lets her step inside before he follows and shuts the door. Y/N only stands on the spot as Bucky shuffles around. Even when she lived in this room for a few days it feels awkward to be here now. It’s different and feels more like an intrusion even when Bucky offered her to stay. She looks around and bites her lips until she hears Bucky from his bed. “Do you want to change?” Y/N looks at him and nods slowly. She holds the blanket tightly around her until she’s fully changed and buried under the blanket. She wriggles herself out of it and jumps up on the scratching post that surprisingly still stands in his room. Bucky looks at her for a moment. He looks a bit disappointed that she chooses the scratching post instead of lying in his bed, but he recovers quickly and gets comfortable in bed while Y/N rolls around on her favorite spot.

After five minutes, or so, she hears Bucky’s soft snores, but she herself is unable to fall back asleep. She debates in her head for a while until the stronger side of her brain won. She stands up, jumps down onto the floor without a sound and jumps on the bed without making the mattress dip. She walks up to Bucky and carefully nudges his arm as he lies on his stomach. Bucky grunts and just as she does it a second time, he rolls onto his side. Y/N takes it as success and quickly cuddles up to his chest. While she makes herself comfortable, she feels Bucky shift again. He wraps his arm protectively around her and presses her further into his chest. Y/N sighs in pleasure, breathes in his calming smell and closes her eyes. She’s asleep within seconds.


	6. Calming

Y/N stays as cat the next morning. Bucky took a liking on carrying her and Y/N quickly leans that he purchased a hoodie which has a big pocket on the front that actually is designed for a grown cat to rest in. They look a bit like a strange kangaroo now. Bucky walks around and Y/N looks out of the pocket, only her head to be seen. Clint actually coos and snaps a picture when Bucky is distracted. She hides in the hoodie until Bucky sits on the table with everybody else. Just then does she peek out again and slips onto his lap. Bucky smiles down at her and strokes her fur. It’s almost as if she never left, and he wouldn’t know about her being human. She purrs and nuzzles into his hand, then she peeks over the edge of the table. Her ears twitch as she starts to listen to the chatter around her. Her eyes land on a plate not far away from her and focus on the food. A sandwich lies there, innocently waiting to be eaten. The chicken calling for her to steal it and her instinct calling to do so. So, Y/N does. She cowers lowly, grumbles and jumps to the floor. She tiptoes over and ignores the snort from someone beside her. Then she looks up. The plate is Tony’s plate. He’s chatting with… Bruce? The man has curly hair and Y/N thinks that it’s Bruce. Using the time Tony’s distracted she jumps on his lap. He shrieks and looks at her but Y/N is already on the table, takes the unprotected chicken in her mouth and runs over to Bucky while avoiding to run over someone else’s food. “Hey! That’s mine!” Y/N ignores Tony’s shout and bathes in the laughter that surrounds her as she walks proudly over to Bucky and places her pray in front of his plate. She looks up at him with pleased eyes. Bucky laughs and scratches her ear while he wipes tears from his eyes with his metal hand. “Good job.” He praises and smirks at the pouting Tony. Y/N looks over her shoulder, flips her tail and tries to see if Tony is really angry now or just acts pretty well. Tony stands up abruptly and marches over to her. Y/N flinches and cowers lowly. She tries to go further to Bucky to hide but Tony is fast. “Tony!” Bucky’s voice is firm. The laughter stops and his face is serious. Protective even. But Tony ignores him. He grabs Y/N on her sides and lifts her up. She lets out a shriek and tires to wriggle from him but his grip is tight while he walks away. Even scratching doesn’t help. A chair falls behind them and Y/N knows that Bucky had jumped up. Tony walks to a shelf and Y/N fears for a moment that he wants to put her into it and trap her there. But Tony gets a plate out of it and walks to the fridge. He sets Y/N on the ground and glares at her. “Sit!” She stays where she is, cowering to make her as small as possible. She gazes over to Bucky who’s still standing at the table. The others stare at Tony with a mix of confusion, concern and bemusement. Bucky seems to practically vibrate. He’s protective and seems on edge of walking towards them to punch Tony in the face. “Here. Take your own food.” Her head spins back around to Tony as he sets a plate in front of her. He’s crouching before her and… smiles. She stares at him before her eyes drift down to the plate. It’s full of chicken stripes. Unbelieving, she looks up again and meows in confusion. “What? You think I throw you out of the window because you’re hungry.” Y/N continuous staring and Tony raises an eyebrow. “I think I broke her.” The brunette looks up and looks somewhere behind her. “I think I broke terminator, too.” Y/N turns and looks at Bucky. He stares at Tony, too, with opened mouth. His hands hand limply at his sides. Y/N looks back at Tony, at the plate, at Bucky and to the plate again. Then she carefully bites the edge of it and drags it over to Bucky. She feels every eye pair in the room on her as she pulls and shoves the plate. She stops in front of Bucky and sits beside the food, paws on his legs and lets out a proud meow as if to tell him that her haunt was successful. Tony snorts somewhere behind her and walks back to his sandwich. Bucky crouches down and strokes over Y/N’s head. “You okay?” He whispers and Y/N purrs to confirm that she’s fine. Her heart is still beating a bit too fast and her nerves are slightly on edge but otherwise she’s totally fine. And hungry. While she waits for Bucky to slip back on his chair and start to eat, she steals the chicken from the table, which she stole from Tony, and places it to the other food. The moment she sees Bucky eat and nod at Tony, she starts eating herself. She’s hungry but still manages only half of her plate. Her stomach can’t handle much food after days of eating nearly nothing. She makes fun of it and just drops to her side with a pleased purr. Her tail flicks around her and she closes her eyes. “Hey, Y/N. Already in food coma?” Clint’s voice pipes up forms somewhere to her side, and she meows to answer him. Careful hands pick her up and for a second she thinks it’s Bucky, but then she registers that the hands feel different. They’re still gentle but not as big. Both of them are warm. She opens her eyes and peeks up only to be faced with Steve’s smiling face. “Hi.” He takes one of her paws in his hand and squishes it a bit before he shakes it and drops it again. Y/N meows and nudges her head against Steve’s chest after he settles back in his chair. He chuckles and strokes her fur. “I can’t believe you thought we would push you away. You’re so comfy and calming.” Y/N meows and turns her head into an angle at his words. He really thinks that? He likes that she loves cuddles? No one ever liked it be cuddled by her.

She stays on Steve’s lap over the rest of breakfast and even doses off a bit.

She wakes up on Natasha’s lap. She lies on her back with Nat’s hand on her tummy. “Oh. Someone woke up from coma.” Y/N blinks a few times and turns her head to look around. It’s just her and Nat, Bucky and Tony in the room. Although Bucky lies unconscious on a couch close to her. “You have many things in common. He fell asleep as soon as he sat down. He didn’t even wake up after he slid onto Sam’s shoulder, and he stood up to get away from him. He fell like a brick.” Y/N looks back at Nat and purrs while she turns to curl into a small ball. “You know, Y/N. I really think we could use someone with your ability”, says Nat. Y/N looks up at her but turns as a humming comes from behind her. “Romanov is right. You could be really helpful. Buckaroo could get you into shape, together with Capsicle. You might even like it.” Y/N shakes herself. She should go out and fight? Be and Avengers? No thanks. She tried to avoid trouble at all costs. Which worked fine until she met Bucky. Y/N pushes herself up onto her paws and stretches as long as she can. She hears a crack from her shoulder but ignores it. Light-footed she jumps down from Nat and promptly up on Bucky’s back. She sits down and starts to clean herself. “Think about it, Y/N.” Natasha smiles at her and strokes over her head before she leaves the room. Y/N looks up from her paw and watches her leave before she looks at Tony and lays her head into an angle. “Don’t look at me. Your decision.” Y/N eyes wander to Bucky. She looks at him for a moment before she jumps down and changes until she stands right beside Bucky. She looks down on him before she crouches and strokes some hair out of his face. “Why?”

“Pardon?”

“Why do you want me in your team?” She turns and looks at Tony. He seems to be baffled and shakes his head. “Because you were a good team member. And, to be honest, your ability is cool.” Y/N frowns at him. No. Her ability isn’t cool. It’s a curse. It’s the cause for being lonely, without a family, without friends. She's so deep in her thoughts that she nearly jumps as a hand grabs hers. She turns, but is quickly pulled into Bucky’s arms, who had sat up behind her. He pulls her on his lap. “It’s okay. You don’t need to join. Don’t think about it.” Y/N turns a bit more until she’s able to look into Bucky’s eyes. She sees the pain and the understanding in them. “You’re perfect. Don’t let your thought tell you otherwise.” Y/N frowns a bit at him as he talks. She’s vaguely aware that Tony leaves the room. Bucky’s hand rises up to cup her cheek. “You’re okay?” Y/N looks him deep in the eyes and nods slowly. A small smile shows on his face, his thumb strokes over her cheek. “I… really like to kiss you.” Y/N sits stiff on his lap, the sentence and silent request running through her head. He really wants to kiss her? Is he sure?

But then she smiles. “May I?” Bucky looks at her with a sincere expression. Ready to back off if she denies his request. “Yes.” She breathes and watches as Bucky smiles and leans in. At first his lips touch hers in a soft manner before they press a bit firmer into hers. His hand still cups her cheek, and he smiles against her lips. When he leans back, its only for a few inches. He’s still smiling and Y/N finds that she’s smiling too. Bucky slings his arms around her and pulls her close to his chest so that her head rests on his shoulder and his on hers. It’s a comfortable warmth. “Okay?” Bucky asks and Y/N can still hear his smile in his voice. “Very.”

And it is. It is more okay that half of her life ever was. She feels her body vibrate and her face with hot tear. Bucky says nothing. He holds her gently, runs his hand over her back and places small kisses on her head. “We get through this. Okay?”

“O-okay.” Her voice hitches a bit. Bucky continues to hold her. Y/N startles a bit as a second pair of hands settles on her. She flinches, nearly falls from Bucky’s lap and turns around. Steve is behind her. He looks as startled as she is. “I’m sorry.” He holds his hands up and smiles apologetic at her before he lifts the blanket from the floor and gives it to her. Then he sits down on the coffee table. “I know it must be difficult for you. To accept that we don’t mind what you can do, that we want you here. But it is so. We don’t mind. We like you and to be honest, the most of us have similar problems like you. We’re a family and everyone has his package to carry but none of us needs to do it alone anymore.” He smiles a pained smile at her, and she sees his eyes flicker over to Bucky. When Steve stands up, he claps Bucky on the shoulder. “You two are good for each other.” He smiles again and leaves the room. Bucky smiles, too. He reaches out for Y/N, and she quickly crawls back on his lap. Y/N nuzzles her head into the crook of Bucky’s neck, closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “Bucky?”

“Yes?” Y/N takes another deep breath and tightens her hug. “How long will it take?”

“What?”

“How long ‘til I stop to flinch? To think that someone will hurt me? To think that you shove back on the street as soon as the possibility arrives?” Bucky hums. “I don’t know. But I know that no one will hurt you. Never. And certainly not when I can stop it. And I know no one will set you on the street. I promise.” Y/N nods numbly. It’s not the answer she wants and it’s not really helping her. “Y/N. Look at me.” He strokes over her hair and looks down at her. Hesitantly she looks up. “I know it is hard. But it will get better. My time in Wakanda was hard but it got better from day to day. Steve helped me. And if you let me, then I will do what Steve did for me.” He presses his lips against her head. Y/N closes her eyes and lets the feeling flow through her. The feeling of warmth. Of comfort. Of having a family. A home.

* * *

“Buck! Snap out of it. Wake up!” Steve’s screams sound through the hall and Y/N snaps awake in an instant. She sits up and rubs tiredly on her eyes. “Bucky, come on!” She needs only a second to jump out of her bed and run over to Bucky’s room. The door is already open, and he can see Steve’s back in front of Bucky’s bed. “S-Steve?” Timidly she steps into the room. Steve turns only a second before he turns back to Bucky. Bucky lies almost still, stiff as if somethings holding him down. But his face is scrunched up in pain. He grunts and whimpers, tries to move. A shout rips from his lips. “Y/N, stay back. I don’t know what happens when he wakes up.” Y/N’s breath stocks in her throat, and she watches as Steve’s hands roam over Bucky’s stiff body. “Buck. Come on.” Y/N watches for a moment as Steve struggles to wake Bucky. She doesn’t want to stand there, helpless and just watching. She wants to be useful. Slowly she rounds the bed. “Y/N!”

“I-I can help.” Steve looks at her for a second before both their eyes are snapped back to Bucky who lets out another painful grunt. Y/N eases her way onto the bed and strokes softly through Bucky’s hair. “Hey, Bucky. Come back. Come home.” She whispers into his ear and Bucky grunts again. Less painful this time. “Buck. We’re here. It’s okay.” Steve mimics Y/N’s calmness and Bucky actually starts to fidget a little. He shows signs of waking so Y/N changes into a cat and settles on his chest, providing warmth and a calm purr. “N-no…” It’s a whine and Steve is not the only one who inhales sharply. Y/N stands back up and snuggles closer to Bucky’s head. She meows softly as Steve takes Bucky’s hand in his and places his other on his shoulder. “Buck.” The brunette stirs a bit more and opens his eyes. Y/N jumps back up in delight, purring and jumping on his chest to paw around and settle down. A rumble goes through her chest and body and sends it straight to Bucky’s chest. “’evie?”

“Yeah. It’s me buck. And Y/N.”

“Y/N…” Bucky closes his eyes again, his hand blindly searching for her on his chest. She presses her head in his hand and meows, watching as a tired smile crosses his lips. They are silent for a second until Steve speaks up again. “You’re okay, Buck? It’s been a while.”

“Yeah.” Bucky sighs and opens his eyes again. “I’m… I’m good.” Steve frowns and places a hand on Bucky’s cheeks in a friendly manner. “Well then. Try to sleep for a bit longer. Get me if you need me.” He smiles tightly before he glances at Y/N and runs his fingers over her fur. “Take care of him.” Then he pushes up and walks to the door. He throws a last look at Bucky before he shuts the door close. Y/N stays put and looks at Bucky who strokes softly through her fur, his gray eyes looking directly into hers. The affection is clear in them but there is also a lot of pain and angst. She meows and paws at his chest, nuzzling to his hand. “I’m good. Really.” He smiles and it still looks tired. So, Y/N stands back up, flicks her tail and lies herself around his head like a helmet. She purrs directly into his ear. A choked sob comes from Bucky and Y/N snaps to action. She jumps from the bed and changes mid jump, then she turns and is on his side in an instant. “What’s wrong?” She looks concerned at him but Bucky presses his eyes closed and shakes his head. His hand flies up to grab her pajama shirt. “Hey.” Her voice is soft, softer as she thinks to manage. Her body vibrates with nervousness. Carefully, she places a hand over his, it's trembling just the tiniest bit and she hopes that Bucky doesn’t notice. “Hey.” She says again until Bucky’s eyes fall open again and focus on her. “Let me take care of you, okay? You want to do it for me. And I- I want to do it for you.” Tears roll down his cheeks, but he manages a short nod before he pulls to get her closer. Y/N complies. She squeezes herself on the small place beside him and snuggles close to his side. Bucky curls together into a small ball, letting Y/N wrap herself around him. She strokes some strands out of his eyes. She can feel him trembling with sobs. “We’ll make it. I hope so.” She places a careful kiss to his temple and closes her eyes.

It’s the first night they spend together in bed while Y/N is human.


	7. Shock

Y/N feels warm and content. There is no other description for it. She hums sleepily and cuddles closer to the warmth that surrounds her. It the best she felt in years, and she’s determined to enjoy it. A puff of warm air flows over her cheek and suddenly Y/N is very aware of the arm that’s slung loosely around her waist. She opens her eyes carefully, intending to close them if she sees that person attached to the arm is awake, and blinks against the light. She’s instantly met with a beautiful sight. Bucky’s face is mere inches away from hers. His eyes are closed, and he’s still deeply asleep. His mouth is opened slightly and each time he breathes out, warm air hits her face. His features are gentle, comfortable. He seems to be really calm. Warmth floods Y/N’s chest at the sight, and she can’t other. She carefully extracts her hand from under the blanket and runs the fingers through Bucky’s hair, own to his cheek and through the beard. The man sighs in his sleep and nuzzles into the hand unconsciously. Y/N smiles and watches him sleep in silence. Her fingers continue to lazily run over his cheek. Bucky makes small noises of content.

The silence is rudely interrupted by a loud alarm. Y/N flinches and nearly changes in shock. She stiffens as Bucky stirs next to her. She feels her heart hammer in her chest and the panic rising. Bucky blinks his eyes open, seemingly not affected by the noise and looks at her. He seems to catch on, on what’s going on with Y/N, because he draws her instantly closer to her, tightens his arm around her waist and frees his other hand to rub soothingly over her back. “It’s okay, Y/N. Just the avengers alarm. It’s okay. It will be over in a minute.” Bucky’s hands come up and cover her ears. He leans closer, his lips touching her skin as he whispers directly into her ear. Reassuring words fly over her. The panic is almost blinding and it’s hard for her to concentrate on Bucky’s words. Her instinct and the itch to change grow bigger and bigger and its almost not bearable. She feels herself shivering. Bucky drags her closer which seems almost impossible now. “Y/N. It’s okay. You’re safe. Everything is okay. I know it’s scary at first.” Y/N knows he really tries but his words do nothing for the fog in her mind. It feels like the alarm blares hours but in reality, it can’t be longer than a few minutes. As soon as its stops Y/N is on her feet. She ignores Bucky’s shout and darts out of the room. Her breath is quick, and she feels as if the air in the tower is stale, thick, used. She needs to get out.

Bucky’s naked feet thumb behind her on the floor, but she ignores it. Soon she’s in the common room without any memory to even got there. She quickly opens the window and just as she changes, she hears Bucky behind her. “Y/N!” His voice sounds panicked and sad. But Y/N has her priorities right now. She changes quickly into an eagle and flies out of the window. Only the cry of her name reaches her ears before she’s far away from the tower. She dents look back, afraid to see Bucky’s sad face, afraid to see something that increases her panic. She just flies. Cool wind ruffles through her feathers, her sins are sharp. She can see people down on the streets, tiny as if they were ants. But she ignores them. She flies further until she has most of New York behind her and reaches the forest. She lets herself descend and lands on a tree. Other birds ruffle their feathers in agitation and fly away. Small animals on the ground look up curiously but continue on their path without taking further notice of her.

Y/N feels calmer now. She doesn’t often change into an eagle. Her muscles ache while changing, and she feels stiff after she changes back to human dorm. Sometimes, though, it’s not avoidable. When the anxiety is too big or when she feels trapped and her cat or dog form can’t free her. She thinks for a moment if she should change but decides against it, so she just sits there and listens to the sound around her. The birds, bug and animals. The wind in the trees and bushes. The knack of wood when a deer steps on it. All those little sounds that you ignore or not even hear in the city. The sounds that calm you down even when your eyes are closed. The only things that still floats through her thoughts is the hope, that the noise won’t start again as soon as she lands back on the tower. She really doesn’t like it.

She enjoys the silence, or not so silent silence, for a while longer before she decides to go back. She feels hungry but doesn’t really want to hunt down some mice. And Bucky probably wonders where she is, even if she’s not out that long.

The flight back feels shorter than before. Maybe because she pays more attention to where she is. Instead of flying through the still open window she lands on the roof. A place where she knows no one often comes but her or Bucky. She wasn’t up here often and neither was Bucky but Steve had told there that he would seek the place out a lot before he started to take care of here. That was before they knew she was actually a human person. Obviously, Steve tends to talk to animals like they were a friend or a therapist. Y/N doesn’t mind though. It’s kind of soothing.

She lands on a spot next to the edge where she can look over New York. She waits patiently. She believes in Bucky asking JARVIS if she’s back yet and comes to search for her. It only takes a few minutes before the door flies open with a bang, swinging fast enough that it hits the wall. Bucky stands in the door. His eyes frantically searching the roof for her and finally land on her frame. For a second he only watches before he moves and comes closer. A few feet in front of her he stops and falls to his knees. Confused to why he did that Y/N takes a closer look. Bucky looks rough, kinda like he looked the day she came back. His hair is messy his eyes wide. All in all, he looks frantic and anxious and Y/N feels guilty immediately. She turns fully and hopples over to him. He’s slumped forward on his hands and knees. Y/N uses her beak to sort through Bucky’s hair in a reassuring manner, making a little chirp while she does as if to ask him if he’s okay. Bucky sighs and leans back. “I thought you wouldn’t come back.” His voice is silent but Y/N understands him. She chirps again and lays her head at an angle. She would come back for him. Doesn’t he know that?

She ruffles her feathers, stretches out her wings and walks closer to him until she’s able to pick carefully at his shirt. From the outside it must look as if She’s hugging Bucky. A small smile crosses Bucky’s face, and he lets a finger run carefully over her head. She closes her eyes and enjoys it. Even through her feathers she can feel the smooth metal.

Suddenly an idea pops into her head. She opens her eyes again and jumps back from Bucky. He looks startled at her and his eyes widen as Y/N spreads her wings again and this time swings herself back into the air. She flies up high and draws big circles around the tower. She watches as Bucky slowly stands up and looks at her. Then she lets herself fall forward, rushing in a fast speed down at him. Just as he makes a shocked expression, preparing himself to jump out of the way, she catches herself, stops to a speed where she’s able to land on his metal shoulder. She can hear and feel him breathing wildly and silently she grins into herself. Then she goes back to sort his hair a bit. “Don’t EVER do this again. My heart.” Bucky places a hand over his heart and Y/N chirps happily at being able to shock a man who was an assassin.

* * *

Late in the evening Y/N sits on a shelf and sorts through her feathers once again. Bucky had given her some chicken and had begged her to change but Y/N feels rather comfortable right now. She doesn’t know why, though. The others had returned from wherever the alarm had driven them and Y/N was a bit curious as to when they would gather here. The first to emerge is Tony. He looks tired and a bit pale. He lets himself plop on the couch Bucky sits on, still leaving some space between them. Bucky looks up for a second but returns to the TV screen. Y/N eyes the engineer a bit closer. A big gash decorates his left cheek and Y/N ruffles her feather is agitation. She quickly makes her way to him and lands on the backrest beside him and start to click her beak and go through his hair. Tony shrieks and nearly jumps up in surprise before he takes a closer look at Y/N. “Wha- Never mind!” He still eyes her suspiciously and flinches each time she comes close to him. “Y/N. Leave him be.” She looks at Bucky ruffles her feather in confusion. Does he not see that Tony is hurt? Doesn’t he want to check if he’s okay?

Tony uses her distraction to slide from the couch and makes his way to the coffee maker. Y/N turns back at him and makes a displeased sound as the doors open again. What she sees gets her more agitated than Tony’s injury. Steve comes in with Sam. And Steve is limping. Y/N doesn’t even need to let her eyes wander over him; she sees the cast immediately that goes from his right foot all the way up to the middle of his thigh. Another displeased sound, ruffling of her feathers and jumping left and right later she lands in front of Steve and starts picking at the cast in a furious manner. Steve is so shocked that he nearly stumbles and has to steady himself on Sam. “Y/N! Calm down. That happens all the time.” All the time? What does he mean, ‘all the time’?

Someone grabs her and she screeches. The thought of picking at the eyes from whoever picks her up like that crosser her mind, but she shoves it aside as she sees that it’s Bucky. He carries her like she’s a chicken and sits down on the couch with her while Steve slowly comes over. Bucky’s hand runs soothing through her feathers as Steve sits down beside him. “What’s up with her?”

“Bad start in the day. Should have warned her about the alarm.” Steve grimaces. He totally seems to understand what Y/N had gone through, and she thinks for a moment how it must have been like for Bucky when he was new in the tower. Y/N feels restless so her eyes snap from Tony to Steve and then to Sam who nurses a black eye with an ice pack that she just now notices. Instantly she changes. Not caring that she’s on Bucky’s lap she starts fussing over Steve who’s the closest. “What happened? Are you okay? Are the others? Bucky what do you mean that happens all the time?”

“Y/N! Breath. You’re going to strangle Steve with the blanked.” Bucky laughs and pulls Y/N back from Steve who’s wrapped in a blacked with his leg popped up on three pillows on the coffee table. Y/N looks at him with a light glare but Bucky chuckles again and pats her arm. “That happens when they go on missions. It’s okay. They will be better in a few days.” Y/N frowns though and looks back at Steve who smiles kindly at her. Her eyes wander over to Sam and who then waves at her with a smile. Tony steps back to them, steaming mug in hand and nips on it with a nod. Y/N is not really sure if the nod is for the taste of the coffee or for Bucky’s statement. “But… doesn’t it hurt?” Her voice grows silent with each word but the others catch on it. “You bet!”

“Like a bitch!”

“Not so much.” They all talk at the same time and Tony and Sam glare at Steve as he denies any pain. “Rogers. I hate you and your serum.” Tony points at him and slips on the couch next to Sam. Steve just shrugs and cuddles closer into the blanket with a content sigh. Y/N watches the three for a bit longer, making sure none of them need something before she leans back at the backrest. “And the others?” Her voice is silent but Steve catches it. “They’re fine. Mostly. Clint has a few scratches but Nat and Bruce are fine. He had to Hulk-out so Nat is with him to calm him down.” Y/N frowns and lets her eyes dart to the door and back to Steve. They all stay silent though and Y/N starts to think. Even if Natasha said it out of fun, they want her to join? She should get herself into fighting? And let herself get hurt? For people that never cared for her but made sure to hurt her, not only physically? There is no way and no time she sees herself fighting with them. She got hurt a lot in her life and now that she met nice people, had a nice home and finally a nice and safe life she can’t give it up to safe people who judge her without even knowing her.

She startles out of her thoughts as Bucky lightly touches her shoulder. “Stop it. You don’t need to fight.”

“How did you-”

“It’s all on your face.” He smiles at her and runs his hand over her cheek. “You never need to do something without wanting it. Except of changing. I want my cuddle cat!” Bucky demands it like a child and gets Y/n to smile. She looks at the others and is surprised to see Clint, Nat and Bruce on another couch. And not only did they manage to come in without her noticing, Steve also fell asleep with his head half on her shoulder. She smiles a bit more at that, shoves his head carefully on the backrest and changes into the cat again. She slips from the couch and jumps up beside Clint. She makes her way through each Avengers, showering them in short affection and assessing their injuries. She only stays at Bruce lap for a while longer, helping him to calm down further because she feels that he’s still a bit tense. But with a purring ball of fur on his lap he calms rather quickly, and she continuous on her walk through the Avengers. She quickly lets her head nudge against Sam’s chin, licks just below Tony’s cut cheek and paws on Steve’s nose to stop his snoring before she finally falls on Bucky’s lap and rolls together into a comfortable position. Bucky smiles and runs his hand through her fur. “Little mother hen, huh?” He chuckles as Y/N meows a confirmation.


	8. Fighting without a fight

It’s late in the evening and Y/N has changed once again. Now she lounges in front of the window, tail draped around her and ears up. She doesn’t listen to the things in the room though. She looks out of the window, gazes over the stars and the cars, listens to the faint noises of honks, people talking and sound the city does at this hour. She misses it a little, to go out and run around, yet, she could just go down to the entrance, and she would be outside. Her gaze falls on a small creature, and she thinks she remembers it. It looks like a thin black cat with a limp. This cat was one of her good friends, and she always gave her something of her food when her leg bothered her too much. She’s thinner now. Y/N sits up and leans her head against the glass to follow the cat with her eyes. She walks up and down the street, always only few hundred meters before she turns around and goes back. Y/N wonders if she’s waiting for something, if she should go down. “What’s so interesting?” Y/N shrieks and hisses while she jumps back and arches her back. She punches with her paw and nearly hits Tony’s face with her claws if he hadn’t moved fast and backed away. “Wow!” He holds his hands up in surrender and looks shocked at her. “Sorry.” Y/N feels her breathing slowing down, but she still glares at the brunette. “I’m sorry!” He cries out and continuous to look at her. “Barnes was right. This look is evil.” Satisfied at making Tony uncomfortable she sits down and continues staring at him. To his credit, Tony really looks uncomfortable. He rubs his neck and looks everywhere but at Y/N. “Barnes, eh… he said he wants to see you.” Y/N meows and takes a step to him before she throws a last look out of the window. The cat is gone.

Y/N walks along the hall, tempted to remember the way and to find Bucky. She finds him where he usually is; in his room. He sits on his bed and Y/N slips through the open door to join him. “Hey, you. Tony found you, huh?” She meows to answer him and snuggles close to his thigh before she looks at him. He smiles and rubs over her fur before he looks at his feet and clears his throat. “Y/N… I would like to take you down to the gym.” Y/N tenses and growls a bit. “I know, I know. But… Come on. You don’t need to do anything. Just watch, okay? Can you change?” Y/N watches him warily before she slowly stands up. She walks away from him, all the way to the end of the bed and changes. She sits there and wrings her hands in her lap but avoids looking at him. She hears Bucky sigh, his shuffling as he turns but chooses to ignore that, too. “Y/N. I promise you need to do absolutely nothing. Besides it’s important that you know where the gym is. Can’t have you getting lost yet again.” Y/N’s head shoots up in annoyance. “One time, Bucky!” Y/N sighs and glares at Bucky’s hair. It’s true that she got lost. She was walking through the halls, as cat obviously, to look around and search for Bucky to get some snuggles. Somehow, she lost count of the turned corners and doors she passed. It took the others nearly two hours to find her and by then she was a shivering mess, pressed into a corner with nearly holding a panic attack off. Bucky had needed forty minutes to calm her down and another thirty to get her to change back. “Hey.” Y/N stares into his beautiful gray eyes. When did he get so close? When had he cupped her face in his hands?

“It’s okay. We just do some easy things and leave after twenty minutes if you want. Nothing serious, nothing that hurts. Okay?”

“I-I…” Y/N stammers and thinks hectically. She doesn’t want to spar. She doesn’t even want to go anywhere near the gym. She was beaten up often enough in her life and that was by strangers. She doesn’t need someone, who is her friend, to beat her up as well. “Y/N?”

“Hm?” Her voice is shaky, and she doesn’t trust it for more.

“It’s okay. We can just go down and watch Sam getting his ass handed to him by Nat.” At that her lips twitch to a small smile. Bucky smiles, too before he wraps his arms around her in a hug. “You should stop worrying about everything, doll.”

“Hm.” Y/N hums again and snuggles closer into his embrace.

They stay for a bit like that until Bucky draws back. “Ready?” Y/N nods and quickly changes back to. Bucky looks at her for a second, but he says nothing. Y/N is grateful for that. Each time she changes and no one complains he gets the feeling that she could change into a crocodile in the middle of watching a movie and no one would complain or say something.

Bucky picks her up in a swift motion and sets her on his gym bag before he starts walking out of his room and to the stairs. She cuddles into the rough fabric of the bag and looks up at Bucky the whole way. He only walks a few floors until he steps into another hall and through the doors to the gym. They can hear grunts and pants. The occasional slap from skin on skin. The smell of sweat fills the air. Y/N looks around. Like everything else in the tower is this room huge and filled with everything that’s needed and a high-tech gym. Nat and Sam stand on a mat, throwing punches and kicks at each other. Steve sits at a bench next to the mattress, leg propped up beside him and watches the two. He spots Bucky and Y/N quickly and waves at them with a smile. Bucky pats her side was he walks over to Steve and carefully sets the bag with her on top on the bench. Y/N lips forms the bag and eyes Steve warily. Her eyes switch over to Sam and Nat and then to Bucky. The brunette smiles at her and pats her head a last time before he wanders off to the punching bags and wraps his fingers up. Her eyes follow him before she lightly hops from the bench to sit against the wall, opposite to Steve, where she can see everyone and everything.

Y/N watches for a while until Nat notices her and catches her eyes. “Hey Y/N!” She calls, getting Sam to spin around and flash a smile at her. Nat uses his distraction to kick his lags away from under him and get him in a choke as he falls. “T-that’s ch-tin’.” He pants and pushes on her arms until Nat let’s go of him.

Bucky’s laugh barks through the room and Steve joins right in. Bucky stops punching and walks over to them while Sam gets up pouting and sits down next to Steve to unscrew his water bottle. “If it’s so funny, take your turn.” He gestures at Nat who looks at Bucky and Steve with crossed arms and a smug grin. “You just don’t concentrate. You get distracted.” Steve tells him and Sam rolls his eyes. “Tell me you hadn’t turned to say hello.”

“I hadn’t” Steve shrugs and Y/N is sure he wouldn’t have. He seems to know Nat too well. Sam grumbles some more and glares at Bucky as he snickers again. “Your turn, Barnes!” He points again at Nat. Bucky catches Nat’s eyes for a second before he shrugs, gets the bandages off his hands and joins Natasha on the mattress. Steve smiles and Y/N catches Steve’s look a few times while the red-head and Bucky fight. Neither of them gives the other a chance for some slack which makes Sam grumble in annoyance. Steve claps his friend reassuringly on the shoulder before he lifts himself up with a wince. He grabs his crutch and walk over to Y/N, only to slide down on the wall until he sits next to her. “Do you mind?” He gestures to her Back and rests his hand on her fur. Instead of giving him a real answer she purrs and closes her eyes for a second. Steve takes it for what it is and starts stroking over his back. Y/N stays where she is but after a few minutes she lifts herself up and flops on Steve’s lap. Lying on her side she feels the whole pleasure of stroking and purrs almost the whole time Steve’s hand glides over her. Suddenly Steve starts speaking. “You know, they’re not all responsible for what happened to you.” Y/N’s head whips from Bucky’s form to Steve. He’s looking directly at her with soft eyes. “Not everybody treats you badly. I never saw a child kick a cat around. When I woke up, I felt strange. It’s a whole new world for me after all. And then I met Tony and I thought what an arrogant ass he is. I still do sometimes. But I know the kindness in his heart and it wasn’t until we fought together that I learned how our point of view can be a hindrance sometimes, because I swore, I won’t fight side by side with him, that it never will work out if we do. But I was mistaken. We need to change our thoughts; try things we think we’ll never do. Try to understand others or jump over our own shadow and walk out of our own comfort zone. Bucky had to learn that, too when I brought him back here.” Y/N looks back at buck and plays the word from Steve through her head. Then she stands up jumps from his lap and sits next to and changes. She’s silent for a moment but then whispers. “I don’t feel like I owe them.”

“I know. I understand, too. But sometimes that makes a hero what he is. That he doesn’t care about some kinds of owning but of the things that have to be done.” Y/N looks still at her lap and feels a tear slide down her cheek. She hears Steve’s sharp intake of breath before he wraps one arm around her shoulder. “Y/N, I didn’t want to-”

“I don’t want to die.” Steve stocks and stares at Y/N as she talks and looks directly in his eyes. “What?”

“I… I don’t want to die. Who promises me that I come back when I get out? Who promises me that I won’t get caught and used as experiment? I had all of that at some point in my life.”

“Y/N…” Steve frowns at her and pulls her closer to him. She sniffs silently, wipes her eyes with a sleeve from her shirt, which actually is Bucky’s shirt, and looks back at Bucky. “never. We would NEVER let anything happen to you. And I won’t force you.”

“What do you want, then?” She looks confused at him and Steve smiles. “I mean you should try. Go and spar with buck. Or Nat if you’re more comfortable with that. Try if you could get used to it. Maybe come on an easy mission with us. And just then, if you still think you can’t do it, you can drop it. But you will now you tried.”

“Hm.” She looks back down to her feet. Nat and Bucky are still fighting and the grunts and punches turn a bit sloppier while they listen to Steve’s talking. Y/N knows exactly that they are more focused on her answer, then on training. “I… don’t know.”

“Think about it. No one will judge you.” A loud thud lets Y/N look up. Nat and Bucky lie on the ground, wound around each other. It’s not clear who of them actually has the upper hand but Bucky is the one to tap out. He helps Nat to her feet and walks over to Y/N, while Nat marches to Sam and steals his bottle to take a few sips. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Y/N feels a small blush form on her cheeks. “You tryin’ with me?” Bucky cocks his head to the side and looks at her quizzically. “I…” She looks at Steve who nods at her and untangles his arms from her shoulder. Her eyes turn back to Bucky. The brunette is crouched in front of her and kindly smiles at her. “O-okay. But I don’t… I don’t know how.”

“That’s fine. I’ll show you.” His smile widens, and she can see that even the others smile at her as Bucky helps her up. He holds her hand until they properly stand on the mattress. Y/N feels very out of place and awkward. The fact that not only Bucky but Steve, Sam and Natasha are watching makes her even more uncomfortable. An itch in her skin makes her wish she could just change and bolt of the room, hide in a corner, empty room, anywhere. But she doesn’t really want to do that. She knows she’s perfectly fine here even when she feels a bit uncomfortable right now.

Bucky tries his best to distract her with soft touches and kind smiles. He goes through some moves to which Bucky explains when to use them and how to counter them. Her feeling of being uncomfortable continuous for the next twenty minutes when Bucky manages to slam her on the ground one time after another. “Buckyyy…” Y/N whines as she lies on the ground once again. “You just don’t hold your arms right. Come on, I’ll show you again.” He pulls her back up and stands behind her. “See, you need to lift your arms like this. And when I come close you punch me with your left like this and use your right hand for cover in case I try to punch.” Bucky goes through the motions a few times until Y/N thinks she got it; then he walks in front of her. She does as he taught her, and she actually manages to push him away and knock him down. Y/N screeches and beams at him before she turns to Steve. “Did you see? I did it.” Steve smiles at her. Nat and Sam sit now beside him and while Sam laughs and claps gives Natasha her a thumb up. Bucky pushes himself up again and smiles. “That was good. Let’s try something where I come from behind you.”

“You’re getting bold Barnes?” Sam calls and Bucky glares at him, but stutters with a blush. Y/N giggles at him. Bucky only sighs, shakes his head and walks behind her. “Don’t forget the moves I showed you earlier.” Y/N nods and tries to wait for Bucky’s touch. And as it comes it surprises her nevertheless. She startles as he actually touches her and shrieks before she jumps forward, stumbles and falls on the mat with a heave. Her breath is quick and pictures run through her head. Distantly she hears Bucky’s voice calling for her. A hand on her shoulder makes her whimper, and she tries to fight as she gets pulled to the side. Her back meet another warm ground and it takes her a few seconds to recognize it as a chest. A woman’s chest. Natasha holds her securely and Bucky crouches in front of her. He looks concerned and holds her hands in his, thumbs stroking softly over the back of her hands. “I’m sorry. I thought you were ready. It’s okay. It was just me.” Y/N locks eyes with him, and he looks sad and guilty. She takes another stuttering breath, nods and squeezes his hands. Natasha rubs her hands on her thighs and leans a bit to the side, so she can see Y/N’s face. “Better?”

“Y-yeah.” She nods again and smiles a shaky smile at Nat. The red-head smiles back and slowly slips away from her to where Sam sits. The man has a hand on Steve’s shoulder and looks determined to punch the blonde, so Y/N guesses he was about to stand up and run over. Bucky squeezes her hand again and gains her attention. “Shall we go upstairs?” But Y/N shakes her head. Even if she got startled and had some kind of flashback it had made fun to fight with Bucky. And it’s too soon to end it. “I-I… would like to try again.”

“Are you sure?” He still looks concerned and a bit uncertain but Y/N nods again. Something on her face must have changed his mind, and he shows a small smile. “Alright. But you need to tell me if we need to stop, okay?”

“Okay.” He helps her up once again, and they position themselves like they did before. “Okay.” Bucky says it to warn her and this time she’s prepared. He touches both of her shoulders and Y/N reacts quickly. She stomps on his foot and rams her elbow into his stomach. Bucky wheezes and Y/N spins around to shove him away. Bucky hasn’t fully recovered. He stumbles back and falls over his own feet. He gasps as he falls and stays on the ground. Steve barks out a laugh and Y/N smiles at him. “T-That hit.”

After that they try some more moves which Y/N can’t really success in. She gets more and more frustrated, especially at Bucky’s smug face. Now she’s lying under him again and Bucky smirks at her again, this little triumphant smile that she wishes she could swipe of his face with the blink of an eyelash. An idea pops into her head as she picks herself up from the ground and ignores Bucky’s outstretched hand. She claps the dust from her clothes and glares at him as she takes her stance again. Bucky frowns at her but copies it. Y/N waits for him to move. This time, she’s going to beat him, if a bit unfair, but she will. And she will wipe this grin form his face. The moment he launches at her she manages to jump to the side and away from him. As fast as she can she changes into a big wolf. She bares her teeth and growls before she crouches down to jump at him. Bucky startles and tries to get away but Y/N is faster. She tackles him to the ground. He lands on his back with and ‘uff’. Y/N positions herself over him and growls again while she glares at him. She notices satisfied that Bucky is actually shocked and maybe a little afraid of what she’s going to do. She changes once more, this time into a big and long cobra. She slides onto his chest with a few hisses and rolls together. She feels Bucky stiffen under her and feels satisfaction bloom in her chest. And because she has fun right now, she lifts herself up a bit and hisses directly into Bucky’s face as his hands come up to get her from him. Bucky takes a sharp breath and Y/N sees his eyes dart to Sam and the others. He’s pale and seriously, he looks afraid. Obviously, Y/N found the one animal he really doesn’t like that much. So, she crawls forward, lets her tongue lap at his nose before she boops hers against his. Then she crawls from him, only to change back next to him. This time she smiles smugly at him as Bucky’s head falls backward on the mattress. She hears the others laugh loudly behind her, but she ignores them. “That was cheating.”

“Was not.” Bucky rolls his head to look at her. She places a hand on his chest and now feels it hammer against his chest. It seems she scared him more than she intended on. She feels a bit guilty now, so she leans in and kisses him. Bucky smiles against her lips and wraps his arms around her. Instantly, she forgets about the others and only concentrates on Bucky.

The moment she draws back he smiles lopsided at her. The moment is broken from a whistle and a slap. “Hey!”

“Shut up.” Y/N looks briefly behind her. Sam rubs the back of his head while Natasha glares at him. Steve seems to be content and smiles up to Y/N and Bucky. She turns back to the brunette and strokes through his hair. “Can we go now?”

Bucky sighs and nods. He tightens his arms around her for a last time and kisses her before he lets go. Y/N slips quickly past Steve, Sam and Nat but waits for Bucky at the door. She sees that he whispers to Steve about something but it only lasts two more seconds before he joins her at the door, and they make their way up. Hand in hand this time.


	9. Affecting Nightmares

The hall is dark while she walks. The light was cut off by the storm and Y/N isn’t sure how exactly that is possible. Tony always exclaims how progressive his tower is, so she figures that the electricity shouldn’t be cut off by a normal thunderstorm. But there’s no arguing. The power went out and the thunder and lightning are closer than Y/N likes, which is why she’s out in the hallway. She searches for Bucky. He wasn’t witch her in the common room and everybody else was wherever they are now. She was alone and she feels a bit terrified. She thinks she’s silly to be afraid of the storm and being alone while it rages. She lived on the streets for years before she moved in with the others. But she was never really alone. She has to admit that she always was surrounded by cats or dogs that lived on the streets. They shared living spaces in the night and body heat in cold days. Occasionally they even shared the food to keep themselves alive.

A bright lightning and a loud thunder lets her twitch in fear. The little hairs at the back of her neck stand up straight and she feels the itch to shift into something smaller. “Bucky?” She calls and opens a door to a room she can’t remember. It’s too dark to see anything but from the smell she can tell that it’s a storage room. It smells like soap and dust. She’s just back in the hall, closing the door as something crashes behind her. She turns around, her heart stopping for a second and adrenaline pours through her veins. “B-Bucky? Are you there?” She tries to see something but it’s too dark. “Hello?” A lightning illuminates the hall for a second. She thinks she can see two figures just a few feet away but she can be mistaken. She squints her eyes, tries to see better in the dark and listens closely but she only hears the rain and the thunder from outside. A faint laughing reaches her ears. When she wouldn’t know it better, she would think that it’s Steve and a faint giggle could be Tony. “S-Steve? Are you there?” She takes a few steps closer to the laughing noises, ready to run or shift. But it’s to late. A loud bang lets her freeze and in the same moment ice cold water pours over her while the bucket rolls in front of her. She gasps and stumbles back. Afraid, she looks around and sees Steve and Tony in a doorway, laughing and looking at her. “W-why?” She’s confused. She doesn’t understand what’s happening here. She takes another step back and collides with something firm and warm. She spins around. Clint. Before she can do something, he grabs her arm hard and joins in into the laughter. “Why so anxious?”

“Clint.”

“Shut up. Nobody told you to speak.” A slap to her head lets her look to the side. Natasha smirks at her and lifts her hands to smack her again. Y/N is quick to break free of Clint’s grip, almost tripping over her feet and slipping on the wet floor. “I-I don’t understand…”

“Poor thing.” Nat coos. “Doesn’t understands when you pull tricks on her.” Steve shakes his head with a faked pitying look on his face. Disbelieving she shakes her head, takes a few more steps back as a loud thunder explodes outside. She screeches, turns and runs. She hears the others laughing behind her and tears burning in her eyes. She’s a bit lost, runs the halls without looking where she is. Then she stops. She knows the door. Pretty well actually. It’s hers, her room. The door is slightly opened, so she pushes it open fully. Candle light shines her in the eyes and for a moment it seems very bright but she adjusts quickly. “Bucky? Bucky. The others, they- W-what are you doing?” Bucky stands at her closet, his back to her and he… he throws the bit of things she has into a suitcase. “What does it look like?” Y/N takes one step back at the cold voice that greets her. He doesn’t even turn around. “I don’t-”

“Dear god, Y/N! Are you acting or are you really this dumb? I’m packing your things. We’re throwing you out, don’t you see? I’m tired of you.”

“Y-you’re… What do you-”

“Heavens… Take your things and go!” His voice is loud, angry and cold. He shares only a small glance at her, shoves the suitcase into her hand and pushes past her, knocking into her shoulder with a calculated thrust that hurts. She stumbles against the doorframe and looks after the brunette.

* * *

She opens her eyes; her face feels cold and wet and she knows that she cried in her sleep. The dream felt too real and was full of the fears she horded for the past weeks she’s living in the tower. The worst that can happen to her here. She wipes the remaining tears away and tries to steady her breath. She looks to her right and sees Bucky’s back facing her, the man softly snores. She takes a shaky breath and slips out of his bed. She doesn’t turn to look if he stirs awake, she just escapes through the door into the hall. Relief floods her as the night lights slip on and guide her the whole way to the common room. She thinks about serving herself on Tony’s bar but then decides against it. Instead, she takes a glass and fill it with water. The cool liquid soothes her throat and helps her to calm down. She feels immediately better and sighs. Thunder rolls loud through the sky and Y/N tenses with panic. She drops the glass without thinking, the panic of the dream is close to resurface and runs to escape it. She runs the whole way back to Bucky’s room; ignores the sleeping men and jumps onto the bed before she hides in the blanket. Bucky groans, and turns around. His arm drapes around her waist and he pulls her close. “Y/N…” He slurs, voice thick with sleep. “You ‘kay?”

“Hm.” She hums only to avoid that Bucky picks up on her state but it’s pointless. The man props himself up on his elbow and looks at her. His hand glides through her hair. “Y/N?” His voice is filled with worry and Y/n curses herself. That’s exactly what she wanted to avoid. “I’m okay now.” She comes out of her hideout and smiles at Bucky. Her smile fades quickly as a new crash sounds from outside. She whimpers and hides in Bucky’s stomach. “It’s okay. I’m here. Want to tell me what’s wrong?” He lies back down and Y/N cuddles closer into his embrace, shakes her head and mutters about having a nightmare and that she doesn’t want to talk about it. She’s glad that Bucky’s not one to pressure her and lets her be. He only runs his hand through her hair until he’s certain that she’s asleep again.

She knows that Bucky is worried about her. She’s more silent than usually and a bit mor jumpy as well. Now she sits beside him, sandwiched between his and Steve’s tights and tries to clean her fur. Bucky scratchers her had occasionally and glances with a worried expression at her but she keeps quiet. She can’t do something else as cat anyway and she really doesn’t want to talk about her insecurity about living in the tower. Somehow, she has the feeling that it would hit Bucky hard if she would talk about the things her mind comes up with. She doesn’t miss his worried expression and the silent whispers with Steve, though. She knows that she worries him, but what else can she do?

She doses a bit as the door opens and Tony steps in. He laden witch boxes but Y/N doesn’t share any interest in him. Which she regrets. She misses the moment where Tony trips lightly. One of the boxes slips down from the tower and crashes to the ground. Metal flies anywhere and the man curses while Steve stands up to help clean it up. But Y/N tenses, hisses and, as fast as she can, scrambles up, runs over Bucky’s lap (she must have hit something painful because he hisses and curses) and hides under a sideboard on the wall. She trembles and presses as far into the dark corner as she can. She knows that the others look at her in confusion. It’s Bucky who crouches down in front of the sideboard and slips his hand under it. He carefully strokes over Y/n’s paw. “Hey, it’s okay. It was just Tony. Come out. Come here.” He waits a minute but then she feels like her heart has calmed down. She crouches forward, inch for inch, and quickly pushes in the safety of Bucky’s arms. She peeks out of her hideout and actually sees only Steve and Tony who pick up the things that tumbled out of the box. They even look apologetic at her. Neither of them makes a comment on her behavior.

The next night starts normal. She showers, dresses in her pajama and lies down beside Bucky. She feels him snuggle closer to her than usual and for his sake she doesn’t say anything. She falls asleep rather quickly, only hoping that the bad dreams would keep away from her tonight.

She’s not that lucky.

Bucky wakes to trembling and rustling beside him. He rubs his eye’s tiredly, yawns and turns to face Y/N. What he sees is not exactly what he wants to see at night. Y/N toss and turns beside him, sweat on her forehead and small whimpers escaping her lips. Tears stream down her cheeks and she looks miserable, pained and sad. She’s shaking like a leaf when she lies still for a few seconds, then she starts tossing form new. He debates for a second what to do. Should he wake her? Talk to her? Press her close and stroke through her hair, hoping her dreams clear again and sweep her off to a sweet one?

He decides to pull her close and run his hand through her hair. “Y/N. I’m here. It’s okay. You’re safe with me. Everything is fine. Shh… come on.” It takes a while but eventually she calms down enough that she stops tossing and turning. She whimpers occasionally, but then she grips his shirt a bit tighter and calms down again.

“Y/N, please… I’m worried. Tell me. If you don’t want to talk about it, okay. But tell me how I can help you.” Y/N sighs closes her eyes for a second before she turns around to Bucky. “I’m fine, buck. You don’t need to do anything. That are just dumb dreams. They’ll go away sometime.” Bucky frowns at her but he drops the topic. For a moment Y/N thinks she sees hurt in his eyes but Bucky acts like it’s nothing, so she decides not to worry.

The day goes by like usual with watching TV, watching Nat and Steve fight, Bucky working out, Tony tinkering in spaces he’s not supposed to and taking naps. Many, many naps. A perk that comes with being a cat for the day. Somehow Nat convinces her to go out shopping, some thing for her room because it looks like a guestroom had she said. So, Y/N shifts and goes with her.

They’re out longer than she thought first. It’s already getting dark when they step back into the tower. Nat shoves Y/N quickly to her room and helps her to pack out the things they brought and together they decorate the room. Y/N has to admit that it looks actually pretty cozy now, more than before and that it really is just her room now. She’s glad that Nat got her shopping. But now it’s late and she doesn’t really want to wake Bucky up to slip in his bed. She thinks about shifting and slipping in as cat but then again it wouldn’t hurt to sleep one night in her own room.

* * *

She wakes up to silence. It’s late, too, almost three in the afternoon. Y/N feels still tired. She stretches into full length and push up from her bed. She makes quick work of dressing herself and making her hair. She just brushes her teeth, puts her hair into a sloppy bun and dresses in a shirt from Bucky and a pair of sweatpants that Nat gifted her. After that she yawns again and makes her way through the tower to the common room. She sees no one and it’s still silent. Somehow Y/N is painfully reminded of the dreams which haunted her last night as well but she tries not to think about it and continuous her way. “Morning.”

“Hello, Y/N. It’s already afternoon.” Steve laughs and waves at her. “I know.” She yawns again. “Hey, Bucky.” She smiles at the man but throws as he doesn’t turn od says something. “Bucky?”

“Y/N…” Steve clears his throat and motions for her to come closer. “W-what is with him.” She looks at Bucky while she walks over to Steve. The brunette sits on the couch, leaned back against the back rest and stares forward at the black TV. Now she notices even Bruce and Tony. They sit on another couch, heavily concentrated on the books and little mechanical ting in their hands. Steve places his hand on her should and she focuses back on her. “Bucky has these days sometimes.”

“I don’t…”

“These days are rare since you’re here. But from time to time they come up again. Normally they occur when he has a bad night, plagued with nightmares, when he’s reminded of all the things he did while he was brainwashed, when memories from the war and before return… You know, generally when bad things come back to him. Sometimes this happens when he’s too stressed, too.” Steve sighs. Y/N frowns and her eyes stay on Bucky the whole time. “B-but… He was fine the last days. He didn’t have any nightmares. He was happy.” She looks back at Steve and shakes her head. “I am the one with the nightmares. He wanted to talk about them but I- I’m not ready yet.”

“Y/N... That’s okay. He understands that. I don’t think that’s really the cause for his state.” The blonde smiles lightly at her and squeezes her hand. “But… Is there something we can do?”

“Unfortunately, not.” Bruce pipes up from the other side and Y/N frowns at him. “What?”

“There’s nothing we can do. We tried a lot. We’re lucky that we manage to get him to drink but that’s all.”

“Talking, shaking, nothing helps to pull him out.” Tony adds, he doesn’t look up from his mini project. “We can only stay at his side and be there when he comes out.” Steve sighs and shakes his head while he eyes his best friend. “That’s not right.” Y/N mutters and looks back at Bucky. “But it’s the only thing that helps.” Y/N’s eyes draw back to the brunette and slowly she stands up and walks over to the man. She crouches down between his legs and looks in his face. His eyes are glazed; he looks far, far away. “Bucky?” She places a hand on his cheek but gets no reaction. She sighs disappointed and stands up. For a minute she thinks about what to do. She can’t just it there and wait for him to come back on his own. She sees nothing to drink on the coffee table so she makes up her mind to get him to drink. She walks into the kitchen and switches the kettle on. Silently she debates if Bucky’s state has something to do with her nightmares, that she can’t talk about them and that she wasn’t in bed last night. But then again, he said that it’s fine. That he understands. She’s so deep in thought that the beeping from the kettle lets her twitch. She turns and quickly prepares a cup of tea for Bucky. She takes the cup and walks back to the man on the couch. She feels the eyes of the others on her back but she ignores them in favor of helping Bucky. Carefully, she presses the cup into Bucky’s hands, then she drapes a blanket around his shoulders. Bucky doesn’t register her but he lifts the cup and takes a sip from it. Happy that this worked she sits down beside him and switches the TV on. She turns the volume of low, only for background noises and watches Bucky’s face for a while.

Half an hour later she’s pretty annoyed by Bucky’s attitude. She knows he’s not really able to doe something against it but still…

She takes the empty cup from his hands and places it on the coffee table. Then she kneels between Bucky’s legs again and this time places both hands on Bucky’s cheeks. “Hey, Buck. Let’s get you settled, hm?” She says, just to say something to him. She takes the blanket from his shoulder and pulls him to his feet. He goes without doing anything. “What are you doing?” Steve looks at her and Y/N shrugs. “It feels not right to have him sit like this all day.” She turns back to Bucky and takes the hem of his shirt. She softly pulls it up and strips Bucky out of it with just a bit of trouble. Then she kneels down and loosens the belt. “Ah! Take a room if you’re doing this.” Y/N ignores Tony’s comment and shoves Bucky’s pants softly down to his ankles. Then she pushes him to sits down again, only in his boxer. Tony grumbles behind her and quickly shuffles out of the room. Y/N shakes her head, takes each of Bucky’s ankles and frees them from the pants. Then she pulls him on the metal arm to lie down, lifts his feet on the couch and covers him with the blanket once again. Then she lifts his head a bit and slips under it so that it rests on her lap. “All better, don’t you think?” She runs her hand through his hair. “I’m good, Bucky. I just have some bad dreams about… about you all leaving me. But it’s fine.” She whispers and smiles at him. “I don’t know if you’re like this because I can’t talk about it, but I promise you that we’ll be fine.” She runs her pointy finger from his forehead down his nose. She does it for a while. Again and again, until his eyes slowly close and his breathing evens out. He slips into a dreamless sleep and Y/N is glad that he’s able to sleep. It scares her to see him so unresponsive. The last time she saw him like this was the day Nat brought her back to the tower. Y/N sits for a while and runs her hand through the brunette mop but then she slips out from under him. She debates a second but then changes into the beautiful golden retriever that Bucky and Steve like. She jumps on the couch and settles half on top of Bucky and half beside him and the back rest. She watches as Steve and Bruce stands up. The scientist smiles at her and leaves while Steve walks up to her. He ruffles her fur and scratches behind her ear. “You’re doing good, Y/N. You’re good for him and I figure he’s good for you. I’m glad that you both find peace in each other.” He smiles and stroker over her head again before he follows Bruce out. She lies her head down on Bucky’s chest and watches him for a moment. Then she decides o take a nap as well, only to wake to a hand on her head, slowly stroking her fur and Bucky smiling down at her.


	10. Mission

The days rush by as if nothing happened. No bad dreams. No bad days. No bad moods. Y/N feels truly happy, lounging whenever she wants. Now she lies on the couch in the common room, eyes half opened and content. She’s relaxed, more than ever in her life. She listens to the faint sounds of the streets below the tower and the silent steps outside the room. She’s so relaxed that she doesn’t hear the doors open and close, doesn’t hear the conversation Bucky and Nat have and doesn’t hear them approach. The hand that's finally placed on her shoulder startles her so much that she screams, jumps up, gets tangled in the blanket at her feet and falls to the ground with a breathless ‘oof’. She hears snickering above her and when she looks up, she sees Nat laugh freely and Bucky smirking, trying to hide the laugh behind a mask. Y/N glares at him and Bucky has the decency to look ashamed. He stretches a hand out to help her up and Y/N lets him. “I’m sorry, doll. Thought you heard us.”

“I didn’t.”

“We noticed.” Nat snickers from beside Bucky. Y/N crosses her arms in front of her chest and directs the glare to Nat. She holds her hands up in surrender and shoves Bucky’s shoulder with hers. “Y/N. Do you want to come with us?”

“What?” She looks confused at the brunette, but he smiles at her. “Nat and I want to do some things in the jet. Do you want to come with us? You could walk around and… explore it.”

“Yes.” She smiles excitedly but her smile turns sour and serious. She feels proud that Bucky’s own smile falls at seeing her serious expression and that a shade of fear shows in his eyes. “Under one condition.”

“W-which?” She smiles at Bucky’s cute stutter and giggles a bit. “You carry me.” She doesn’t wait for him to answer, instead she changes to her cat form and paws at Bucky’s leg with a loud and commanding meow. The man looks surprised for a moment before he laughs and picks her up. He kisses her head until she stops him with a paw on his mouth and a playful scowl. Bucky smiles against her paw, takes it in his hand, kisses it a last time and lets her slip into the pocket of his hoodie to carry her around. She purrs satisfied and gets comfortable with some shifting.  
She’s comfortable, even as Bucky bends down to pick some things up. She protests only silently with her claws in his abdomen, making the man wince. “Y/N, stop that.” She plucks her nails once again against his stomach. Just for fun. “Ow! Y/N.” Bucky curses and Y/N can hear Nat snickering again. The man stands back up, pats her through the fabric of his hoodie, then he shuffles through the halls. The movement and the warmth make her drowsy and sleepy. She’s almost asleep as Bucky’s hand pats her again. “Come on out, Y/N. We’re here.” She jumps out of the hoodie, yawns and stretches herself as long as she can get. Bucky laughs, crouches down and strokes her back. “Okay. Nat and I are going to work some in the front there.” He points in the direction of the cockpit. “You just walk around and look at everything okay?” Y/N meows in approval and hurries away from him to explore. She finds some dark and comfy looking corners, the stretchers with blankets for serious injuries and the small storage spaces for each Avenger. After a while she yawns again and thinks she could use a small nap as long as Bucky is still working, so she settles down in one of the new-found corners and rests her eyes.

It’s loud, someone talks loudly. There is an annoying rumble in the background and the ground is vibrating. Hurried footsteps rush past her hiding spot and things get dropped and picked up near her. She opens her eyes, alarmed by the hectic around her. She stands up and slips out of her corner and is shocked and slightly frightened. She sees Steve in his uniform, hears Tony talk over the comm and hears Clint’s heavy boots step around. She looks around widely until she spots Bucky somewhere near the cockpit. She runs past Bruce, who sits on a seat and looks over a tablet; through Clint’s legs, who curses at the shadow he sees rushing past and then past Steve until she’s right next to Bucky. She meows wildly and paws his leg, probably with too much claw because Bucky hisses for a second before he looks down and curses. “Y/N? Fuck, what are you doing here?” She meows again, looking wildly around and feeling stressed. “Y/N, hey.” Bucky crouches down and picks her up before he sits down next to Nat in the cockpit. The red head looks over for a second, frowns at Y/N but says nothing and Y/N is grateful for that. It’s not like she exactly planned to be here when they are on their way to a mission. It’s then that she notices that Bucky is wearing a uniform, too. She meows worriedly, not only because she’s frightened that she’s on a jet, which leads to a more dangerous place than the streets of New York, but also because Bucky is wearing a uniform, which means he’s going to fight. He never went with the others. Not that there were many missions since she lives in the tower.

“Y/N, it’s okay. Well, it’s not really but it will be. I’m sorry. You didn’t respond earlier when I was calling for you, so I thought you already left, and then we got a mission from Fury and I had no time to search for you.” He strokes over her head and tries to keep her focus on him which actually works because Y/N doesn’t dare to look somewhere else. “I need you to stay with Bruce when we arrive, okay?” He looks down at her. Y/N can’t answer. She still feels the blood rush through her because of the shock of seeing everyone suited up. “We’re already in the air, so there’s no other option. Stay with Bruce.” He says again and Y/N meows shortly before she hides her head in Bucky’s chest. Breathing in his scent and tries to let it calm her. “Buck?” Y/N hears Steve step up to him, and she can almost hear the frown on his face as he asks confused. “What?”

“I didn’t know she’s here, if it's that what you want to hear.” Bucky says in a defending voice. “I didn’t say anything. I thought I saw her run past me just a few minutes ago.” Y/N feels another hand on her head, and she glances up to see not only Bucky’s gray eyes on her but Steve’s blue ones, too. “You’re going to stay with Bruce and watch over the jet?” He pronounces it as a question but Y/N knows that it’s more of a command. She still meows in confirmation and goes back to hiding in Bucky’s chest, concentrating on his heartbeat and breathing. Her tail flicks nervously around her and Bucky tries more than once to get it to stop. At one point he switches positions with Clint and sits down next to Bruce. Bucky passes her over to the scientist and Y/N protest loudly, trying to wind herself out of Bruce’s grip but Bucky stops her with a hand gesture. He crouches down as the jet descends and sets down on the ground. “It’s going to be okay, Y/N. I’m back in a bit, don’t worry.” He kisses her head, scratches it a last time and leaves. Y/N looks after him, disbelieving. Don’t worry? But she worries, though. There’s so much that can go wrong. From the jet getting captured, to Bruce hulking out, to one of them getting hurt or dying. Especially Bucky. If he’s anything like Steve on missions, which is possible considering they’re best friend since they were kids, he’s going to run head first into the danger.

Even Bruce continuously running his hand over her fur can’t calm her down enough.

* * *

“Y/N. It will be alright. It’s not the first time.”

But it is for Bucky. Why aren’t you worried at least a bit!” Y/N snaps and chews on her bottom lip. A second later she sighs and stops running around in circles, turns to Bruce and runs her hand through her hair. “I’m sorry.” Her voice is silent. “I’m just…”

“Worried. I take it.” Bruce nods, still sitting on his seat. He stands up, though, and stretches for a second before he steps up to her and places his hand on her shoulder. “I’m not worried because he’s with them. They’re looking out for each other. It will be fine.”

“I hope so.” She mutters, more to herself than to Bruce, but he hears it anyway and pats her shoulder reassuringly. The moment the scientist walks away to the cockpit she starts walking her circles again. Suddenly the jet is filled with grunts, fighting sounds, gunfire and shouts. Her head shoots up to see Bruce stand behind the pilot's seat and smile at her. “Maybe this calms a bit?”

“Is that…?”

“Yeah, the comm frequency. We can only listen, though.” She nods slowly and listens closely to Steve shouting commands, Tony making unappropriated jokes and Sam and Bucky bickering. A warmth floods her at hearing Bucky’s voice. Free from pain and distress, only pressed with the force of the fight. She’s surprised to hear Wanda and Vision, too. She hadn’t seen them on the jet. Then again, it's been a while since she saw them anywhere. She notices that she still walks her circles, but they slowed down a bit. She’s not that anxious as she was before, either.

“Ah, shit. Someone, get over here! He’s down!” Y/N’s head shoots up, and she looks worriedly at Bruce while Sam shouts. “Fuck! We need to get back. Nat, status?”

“Language, Cap!” Tony chimes in with forced amusement as Nat answers Steve.

“Got the flash drive loaded. Setting up the bomb.”

“Good. Sam, I’m coming over. Wanda, Vision, Clint, cover us. Tony, get Nat out safe.” Y/N blacks out the sound from the come as her heart drops. Steve, Sam, Wanda, Vision, Tony, Nat and Clint. They’re all fine. Which means that… That Bucky… “B-Bruce?” Her lower lip quivers, and she stares at Bruce in disbelieve. The man looks actually worried, too, but still stays calm. “Y/N, I’m sure he’s fine. Probably only got shot in the arm or so.”

“S-Shot!? And that’s not serious!?” She starts walking frantically again but Bruce’s is at her side again and places now both hand on her shoulders. “Y/N. Take my advice, which I had to learn myself first. Don’t freak out just yet. Wait until you see how worse it actually is. And even then - Don’t freak out. Do it when he’s helped and bandaged up.” She doesn’t feel better but she nods nonetheless. She takes a few deep breaths before she joins Bruce outside the jet to greet the others and assess the damage done to them. To Bucky.

At first, she sees Clint and Vision, then Wanda. Right after them she sees Steve and Sam, helping Bucky walk with his arms slung over their shoulders. Y/N is relieved to see that he’s actually conscious and able to walk, more or less. She can see that he’s limping and dragging his right leg after himself more than actually using it for support. As they come closer, she sees the blood on his leg, too. Seems like Bruce was right after all and Bucky got shot in his right thigh. Behind the three men are Nat and Tony. All of them try to move as quickly as they can and neither of them looks back to where they come from, which proves to be wrong as a shot rings through the silence of the forest. Y/N twitches with shock and Bruce shoves her down into a crouched position, holding her head down. No one shouts in agony and no one falls to the ground.

Y/N dares to look up and sees the backs of the others. Every single one of them has turned around. And over Nat’s shoulder she can see at what they’re looking. There’s a man, bald with a mean grimace, a scar running through his left eye, down to his chin and a cut off ear. He has a small army behind him of uniformed men with guns and grim looks. Y/N feels Bruce slowly stand up, so she follows him, ignoring the fact that he steps a bit in front of her to shield her.

“Well, well, well… You didn’t want to leave before saying goodbye, did you?” The voice the man talks with is deep and forced a shudder through Y/N. It seems familiar, but she can’t remember to have heard it somewhere before. The smirk on his face is dark and Y/N feels the fear gripping her. Something with this man is off. Y/N notices that Nat shifts back a bit and stands now almost in front of her. But the fact that she noticed means that the guy in front of them does, too. He narrows his eyes at her before a bright smile shows on his face which looks more frightening than the scowl from before. “Wolf!” He claps in his hands with a smirk. “Haven’t seen each other in a long time. You left without saying goodbye, too.” Y/N takes a deep breath in and stumbles back a step. No one of the others turns around to look at her, but she can practically feel the confusion dripping from them. “What? No greeting from you? How bad. It almost looks like you don’t remember me. I’m hurt, Wolf. We had so much fun. Maybe you remember this.” He holds up some small device which almost looks like a remote for light strings. “I’m glad I always carry it around. You never know if you need it, right? I’m wondering if it still works after all these years.” Y/N can’t really register what he means because an intense pain surges through her chest. The next thing she notices, beside the pain, is that she’s suddenly on the ground and screaming her lungs out. Faintly she hears the others shout for her and the man laugh darkly. The pain stops as he presses the button again, and she’s left breathless. She closes her eyes, trying not to vomit from the shadow of the pain. When she opens them a second later, she notices that Nat is kneeling beside her, holding her up and saving her from collapsing fully on the ground. “Y/N! Are you okay?” Nat looks concerned at her. Y/N’s head is still a bit fogged, so she doesn’t catch on Nat’s words, she closes her eyes once again and opens them as she feels Bruce’s hand on her chest as well. “Y/N, Talk to us. Are you okay?” She sucks in a new breath and nods slowly. The man laughs again. “Y/N? That’s how they call you now?”

“Let her be! She has nothing to do with this!” Tony shouts and lands in front of her. “Oh, but she actually has more to do with it than you all seem to know. More than she thinks she does. Our little Wolf, or Y/N how you apparently named her, was with me longer than she’s with all of you. Sadly, she ran away at some point but that won’t be a big problem, now that my little toy still works. I’m sure we get her back in the best shape within… two more tries? Then she gets rid of you all in no time. Come here, Wolf.” Y/N has her eyes still closed, faced to the ground and shakes her head. She doesn’t want to go to him. He scares her and her instinct screams danger. “A mistake.” The Button gets pressed again. Her own scream rings in her ears and blinds every other sound from her, every other sense. As the burning pain stops again, she gags and vomits right in front of her. “Buck!” Her head shoots up at hearing Steve’s scream. She sees a blurry version of Bucky struggling to get to her, only to fall after taking a step. The man laughs loudly and some of his goons join in. “How pathetic you are.” Y/N breathes shallowly, but she has no time to get enough air as the button gets pressed a third time. This time her vision grows white and only comes back after the pain stops. She’s lying fully in Nat’s arms, needing her support to not fall in her own vomit. Everything is blurry and muffled, but she hears the man almost clearly “Come, Wolf, come back to me!” As if she’s magically forced, she lifts herself from the ground onto her wobbly legs and walks past Nat, past Tony, straight to the man with the scar. “Y/N, stop!” It’s Bucky’s voice, she notices it. For a second she considers listening to him but the fear of the pain has her keeping going forward. “Y/N!” She looks at him with an almost blank expression but with sadness and fear in her eyes. And she knows that Bucky sees it because he’s not shouting her name again. He knows she won’t stop, out of fear. They have to take the man down fast.

Right as she stands next to the man, he presses the button a fourth time. The pain shoots through her chest and expands through her whole body. She feels some kind of recognition in her mind and only hears the command from the scar man clearly. “Change to what you truly are, Wolf.” She does. She changes into the wolf but the pain doesn’t stop. It drives her mad. She shakes and howls for it to stop until her instinct overtakes her. She listens to the silent spoken commands and turns to face her friends. Her face darkens, eyes clouding with anger because of the pain. And then it suddenly stops. “Take them out. One after another.” Y/N focuses on the person closest to her which happens to be Steve. She growls deeply and dangerous, shows her teeth and lies low to prepare for attacking her prey. She walks slowly to him and ignores everything else around her. Steve holds her gaze and lets his shield drop, hands up, showing her that he has nothing to fight her with. “I’m not gonna fight you.” The man behind her laughs. “You’re just making it easier for her!”

“Y/N, stop, please!” Her eyes flicker to the man on the ground. She doesn’t know who he means, just that she has to kill them all, to stop all the pain. She changes directions, from the blonde to the brunette on the ground and starts running. She jumps, growls and bites. She gets his arms between her teeth and digs them deep into the skin, shaking her head to get as much damage done as possible and her teeth as deep in the flash as they go. She ignores the pained cries and continues ripping at the flash. The man behind her laughs madly. Then she gets tackled away from a dark-skinned man. She growls again. The anger rises to pure rage. She wants to see blood, so she prepares to attack him, instead of the man on the ground. Before she jumps at him, something behind her catches her attention. Someone shuffles, nervousness lies in the air. A shot. Slowly she turns around, focusing on the trembling young-looking man with wide eyes. “You fool! What did you do?” The bad guy shouts at him. Y/N’s eyes zero in on the young man, and she walks over to him, changing into a sprint and jumps at him. He screams in fear and Y/N smells it, the fear, the adrenaline. She rips at what she can reach before she goes to the next man, and the next, and the next. Not caring if she injures or kills. Blood. She needs it. It will save her. That’s what she’s trained to do!

She’s in rage now, only hearing her own blood rush through her ears, blind for everything around her. She feels satisfied because of the screams, laced with fear and panic. The man with the scar looks at her as she zeros in on him. The last still standing. She takes her time to walk up to him. “Stop, Wolf! I am your master!” Wrong, Y/N thinks. I’m my own master. I don’t need someone else, don’t need anyone, just me and my prey.

She falls into a slight run which quickly changes into a sprint but stops suddenly as the pain returns. She howls and stumbles, catches herself and looks around widely. She wild now, pure anger and rage dripping off of her in waves. She needs to find the source. Her eyes snap back to the man. He’s holding something. A device. He is it; she thinks. Die! You all shall die!

She jumps at him as a second shot rings through the air. She ignores it in favor of killing her prey. She bites and rip at all she can get. Loving the taste of blood on her tongue and the screams in her ears. Only as they get silent and the man lies lifeless down at her feet, does she look up and gaze at the remaining people. She decides to start with the injured one, saving the fun with who can run for later. She doesn’t feel the pain in her chest anymore but the anger is still very present, so she falls into a sprint, still focused on the man on the ground. It confuses her why he doesn’t look scared. His scent isn’t scared. He looks almost… sad.

Someone tackles her from the side, so Y/N changes plans and takes him down first. She manages to get her teeth into his thigh and shakes her head as widely as she can, growling triumphantly at the screams. She’s ripped out of her headspace as a hand strokes her head while she’s still with her teeth in the flesh. She rips lose and jumps back a few inches, confused. Why was he stroking her even when she’s going to kill him? She looks up and... recognizes him. Clint, lying on the ground with Wanda beside him and pressing down on his thigh to stop the bleeding. Panic grips Y/N’s mind as she looks from one shocked face to another, until her gaze stops at Bucky. Bruce tends to his arm, but he stops as he sees Bucky focusing on Y/N. She shakes her head with a whimper, tasting the blood on her tongue which she knows felt good seconds earlier. She draws her tail between her legs, feeling confused and scared. Scared of what they might do with her now, scared of what she did. How could she do this?

“Y/N.” The voice is soft and draws her gaze up. Steve looks at her with kind eyes and takes a step up to her but Y/N backs a step away, not letting him get close. She looks around and sees the hurt and dead bodies behind her. A new whimper forces its way out, the panic still very strong in her mind. “Y/N.” Steve says it again, and she turns right back to him. He holds his hands up, coming closer. She takes a step back again and stumbles over a corpse. She jumps away from him only to stumble over another. She whimpers and loses herself more and more in the panic. “Y/N!” This time it’s Bucky calling her name. “Please. You’ve been shot. Come here.” His eyes are pleading and scared but Y/N can’t. She can’t go to him. They will not want her anymore. Not after this massacre.

Bucky stretches his metal arm out for her and Steve takes a step closer again. Y/N whines and looks Bucky a last time into the eyes, seeing him recognize that she won’t come to him. Seeing him deflate with sadness. She whimpers a last goodbye, takes a step back and then turns around and runs into the forest. Away, deeper and deeper. She hears his last pained call for her, and she ignores it painfully. She runs as fast as she can and as far as her feet can take her. She loses count of time. She runs as long as she can until her legs give out. She stumbles, collapses to the ground, breath heaving, blood rushing through her ears and pain in her chest. Not the blinding pain from before but similar, a little deeper and lower. Somewhere in her lower chest. But it fades slowly as she lies there. She tries to get up but the pain flames up again, so she stays on the ground. She closes her eyes sadly with a crying howl and gives in into the darkness and cold.

She’s going to die alone.


	11. Fear

Her ears are filled with rushing. It’s her own blood rushing through her ears as her sluggish mind confirms. She feels cold and weak, her whole body hurts. A twig breaks close by and sends a flood of alarm through her. Through the rushing she hears boots on the forest ground, faint shouts. Her instinct tells her to get up, to run, to flee. Get as much room as possible between herself and the boots. But she can’t. She has no power. She tries halfheartedly but collapses right back down. She howls at the pain shooting through her. Her eyes won’t stay open for long and fall close every few seconds. She tries to listen closely and see what’s going on around her. But it’s dark. Was it dark when she started running? There are stars, blurry, little spots on the dark sky.

The voice she hears moment ago sounds closer now. She thinks she hears her name, so she forces her eyes open again. When had she closed them?

She sees a light blob. At first, she thinks it’s a very bright star, but then it doesn’t stand still. It moves, comes closer. She shifts her head a little and whines as the movement shoots straight to her wound. She hears a new shot. The light is faster now. And then it’s lower, on the ground. “Y/N!” She whines again as the man falls down beside her. “Steve! Stark! I found her. Hurry!”

She thinks she knows the voice. Sam? He runs a careful hand over her side and Y/N almost doesn’t notice it until he curses and runs it very close to her wound. She howls in pain and tries to back off but it hurts. The pain blinds her senses once again. Sam talks to her, but she can’t concentrate on it. Her breath picks up on speed. Panic floods through her again. Then she sees more light coming closer. She can hear boots on the ground. They’re running. “Sam! Oh, fuck!”

That’s Tony. She knows his voice well by now. “So much blood…” Steve is there, too? She closes her eyes and tries to listen to the voices in favor of distracting herself from the blinding pain. “That’s too much blood. Her fur is soaked.” Sam turns and looks back at Tony and Steve. “What are we going to do? She needs a doctor as fast as possible.” Steve frowns and kneels down at her head, running his hand over it. She presses it weakly against Steve’s touch, seeking the last comfort she can get. “We’ll get her to the jet. Bruce will look and do what he can. Meanwhile, we try to find someone who can look at her.” Sam’s voice is firm but Y/N catches on to the slight fear in it. “I take her. I’m faster.” Gentle but cold hands shove under her head and butt. Tony lifts her softly from the ground but the pains shoots through her like new bullets. She whines painfully and tries to fight. She’s too weak to really do anything. She only manages to get her paw against the glowing light in Tony’s chest. “I know, I know. I’m sorry, Y/N. It will be over soon.” Tony takes a few steps back and each step shakes her in his arms, increasing the pain until she blacks out for a moment.

When she comes to her again, Tony’s already in the sky and descending again. If she concentrates and ignores the blurriness of her vision, she can see Bruce standing down on the ground. Right at the jet with Nat beside her. The moment Tony lands she is shaken so much that she blacks out again. The second time she opens her eyes she’s on a much softer ground than before. She feels warm. At least warmer than before. She can’t keep her eyes open for long, the light is blinding her, and she has to close them. She hears shuffling around her. And she smells this scent. Her favorite scent. She shoves her head a little in the direction and fins her nose pressing into something soft. It smells so good, but there’s a mix of blood and something else on it. The soft thing hisses a bit as she nudges it and a hand finds her head. “Y/N?” The voice is shaky. Y/N opens her eyes a little and is met with a blurry version of Bucky. For a second she fears that he looks angry and mad but his expression is soft and worried. He seems little relived, though. He looks at her for a few moments, but then he gently lifts her head and places it on his thigh, which she had nudges her nose against. He strokes her head slowly and leans down to kiss her. “I was worried. Don’t run away again. You promised you stay with me.” Her eyes look up at Bucky. He’s crying. Why is he crying?

Y/N whines. Not because of the pain that’s still lingering. She thought she would die there She thought they won’t come for her. She thought Bucky won’t want her anymore. But he does and he’s here. Keeping her company and comforting her. She licks Bucky’s wrist as it comes closer to her nose, and he lets her.

“Y/N?” She looks away from Bucky to find Sam right in front of her. He’s crouching, so that he’s on eye level with her. She notices that he has blood on his chest and for a second she thinks she hurt him too. Bad enough that she injured Bucky and Clint, but Sam, too?

A new wave of pain shoots through her as a hand gently places itself close to the wound. She whines and half-barks, half-growls at it. “Shh, Y/N. It’s Bruce. He tries to fix it. You need to keep still for me, okay? You’re losing too much blood. We need to fix you.” Sam places a hand on her head and scratches lightly between her ears. “I’m sorry, it will hurt.” Y/N looks him a bit in the eyes, then tries to look at Bruce. The man seems apologetic and very, very uncomfortable. He gives her a sign that he’s going to start and Y/N howls and whines loudly. Her eyes dart to Bucky, pleading him to stop it but all Bucky can do is sit there, with her head on his thigh and stroking her in comfort. He keeps his eyes on hers the whole time, whispering to her with no really meaning and tries to distract her as good as he can. And Y/N tries to focus on him as good as she can, but she quickly slips into unconsciousness as the pain increases and increases.

* * *

Bucky looks down at Y/N while Bruce still works. He ignores Sam, who sits in front of him and assists Bruce. He ignores Clint who’s on a stretcher sleeping on against the pain in his thigh. He ignores Tony and Steve talking. He ignores his own pain in his arm and in his thigh were Y/N’s head rests on his wound. Instead, he counts Y/N’s slow, shallow breathes, looks for a sign of danger. Anything that doesn’t seem normal despite Bruce trying to fish the bullet out of her and stopping the bleeding. “She can’t anymore, Bruce.” Bucky’s voice is silent, but he knows Bruce hears him. The scientist sighs and cleans his hands on a rag. “I know. I can’t reach the bullet. I make more damage as good if I try further. I don’t know enough of the anatomy of dogs. If she were a human, then maybe… But as wolf… I’ll wrap her up to stop the bleeding, but we need a vet. Now.” Bucky’s eyes widen in shock, and he stares at Bruce. “What?” His voice is more of a squeak than anything else. “No. No, no, no, Bruce. You need to safe her. She can’t…”

“Buck.” Steve comes up to him and sits down beside him. He knows Bucky long enough to see the state he’s in. He knows Bucky is close to losing it, so he claps his shoulder and gives it a squeeze. And maybe he sits just a bit closer to him than he normally would. “Don’t worry, Barnes. I know a good vet. Tony is in contact and gets everything ready. We need about 5 minutes.” Clint shouts from the spot where he sits and looks over. Bucky nods slowly and focuses on the head on his thigh. Y/N’s fur feels a bit dank and Bucky would say that she’s sweating. He silently prays for her. That she’ll be fine and won’t run off again. That she won’t panic as soon as she wakes up. That she just lives.

Bucky bites his bottom lip, worrying about Y/N’s life, her future. Their future.

The next five minutes feel like an eternity for him. He holds his breath each time Y/N’s breath is a bit slower or seemed to have stopped only to continue on as normal. As the jet touches down, he doesn’t even really wait for the door to open. He picks Y/N up, ignoring the burning pain in his arm and leg. He ignores Steve’s and Bruce’s protest. He needs her to be okay. That’s the only thing he can think about. It doesn’t care him much if he worsens his own injuries. He will be fine in the end. As long as she is.

He runs quickly to the building when he sees Tony waving at him. He follows him through a few halls until they stop in front of a big room. A woman stands there and ushers him to lie Y/N down on a stretcher. He does and wants to follow he as she rushes inside the room with Y/N but Tony holds him back. “You can’t go in there.”

“I can’t leave her.” He makes a move to step around Tony but tony mimics his steps. “Barnes, you can’t.”

“Let me through!” Bucky nearly growls but Tony doesn’t seem impressed. “Buck.” Steve has catches up on him and stands next to Tony. “Sit down. You pulled your stitches.” The blonde motions to a chair but Bucky only glares at him. “I don’t care! I care about her!” He motions at the closed door. “I need to be beside her. I need her to be okay. I-I need…” Bucky feels his heart jump into his throat, his lower lip quivering and tears burning in his eyes. Tony actually seems shocked and at a loss for words. Steve looks empathic at him and drags him over to the chair. Bucky doesn’t protest any further. He falls down on the chair and lets Steve wraps him up in his arms. He doesn’t cry. But he’s close. Numbly, he watches as Sam starts to patch his shot wound up again and lets him pass him a water cup. He notices that the others scatter around them and that some nurses look curious to why the Avengers are waiting for an ordinary, hurt wolf. Except that she’s not ordinary. She’s all Bucky ever needed. She saves him from bad dreams, if he wants to admit it or not. She makes his day happier.

Bucky can’t really say how long he sits there, leaned against Steve’s side, waiting. But the moment the door opens and the doctor steps out he is on his feet. “How is she? Is she alive? Can I see her? Please…” The woman looks shocked at him, not having counted on getting bombarded with questions, but she recovers quickly. She smiles at him shortly before it falls. “I just need some questions answered.” She clears her throat and looks a bit uncomfortable to Bucky’s wrapped up arm, to Clint’s leg. He sits on one of the plastic chairs, leg propped up on Nat’s shoulder, who sits on the ground in front of him. Then she looks back to Bucky again. “Why does she have blood on her snout? If she attacked you, I’m afraid I have to report it.” Bucky feels his face drain of color. Frantic he looks over to Steve and Tony. Both men stand up from their places and come over. “Go, Buck. We answer.” Steve claps him and on Bucky’s shoulder and shoves him carefully into the room, while Tony takes the woman by her arm with a charming smile and leads her away from them.

Bucky doesn’t trust himself to look at the lifeless wolf on the table. At first. But then he directs his gaze from all the cabinets, machines and stuff to the table. Y/N lies there, motionless, looking dead. He takes a shaky breath and swallows thickly past the lump in his throat while his shaky legs take him step for step to her. He leans a bit on the table, only to be at eye level with Y/N. “H-hey, girl.” His voice is shaky and raspy. He trembles and feels his body shake with exhaustion, fear and exertion. His hands feel clammy, and he’s afraid to stretch them out, to touch the animal before him. To rouse her of pain-free slumber or cause more pain from his touch itself. He’s afraid that she fades away as soon as he touches her, that the machine with the steady beeping, showing her heartbeat, will stop. Go silent and announce that he lost her. For good this time. He doesn’t want to risk it. But he wants to comfort her, show her he’s here, not leaving her alone. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” He is whispering now. The words are just for her ears, even if she’s not able to hear him. His hand wanders over hear head, caressing her ears and running along her fur until it’s stopped by the bandages around her chest. His eyes land on the white of them and hurt settles in. He should have protected her. It was his duty. He’s supposed to safe her, keep her safe. And he failed. Not only by stopping her ripping the men apart but also by not looking for her as she was still asleep in the jet. He should have known that she wouldn’t leave without telling him. He should have known!

A single tear runs along his cheek, but he doesn’t wipe it away. He needs it. He needs the feeling of being helpless. It grounds him, shows him that he’s still able to feel, to love. Silently, he makes up his mind. He looks around for a blanket and wraps Y/N in it, softly, careful to not her. Then he rips everything out of her. The needle for the saline, the heart monitor. He ignores the wild beeping, and he almost walks past the doctor that come running in, with everybody else close behind. He ignores the shocked faces of them all. Except Steve’s. He looks his best friend in the eyes. “I’m taking her home, Steve.” He watches him nod, then he walks past them. “Wha- Stop! You can’t just-”

“Mam. I’m sorry. I’ll explain everything.” Bucky hears it from far away. He knows that Steve will calm the doctor and explain everything she needs to know. He trusts him. With his own life if needed. But right now, Y/N is the one who needs him. He walks along the halls and out of the building. He feels and hears someone behind him, but he doesn’t turn around. “You’re going to take good care of her, yeah?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Natasha nods and steps up beside him as they wait for the ramp of the jet to descend. “How’s she doing?”

“She’s alive.” Bucky looks down at the wolf in his arms and heaves a heavy breath. “Thank god.”

* * *

Sitting on the bed he gazes down at her. She has barely moved and is asleep for a while now. The doctor told Steve that her recovery will take its time; she lost a lot of blood and this is the course for her body to recover slower than it would normally. There was a moment where she was awake on the jet. She had stirred, whimpered and licked his arms before going still again. He tried to talk to her but didn’t get an answer. He thought she was back asleep again. But then she whimpered louder, opened her eyes and started squirming. She looked around widely and tried to get away from the spot she was lying on. Bucky had worried about her stitches and tried to talk to her but Y/N seemed too delusional to recognize anything. Bucky saw the panic in her eyes, the wild look she sends anyone who was near her. He had stretched his hand out, slowly to prevent her biting him in fear, and placed it on her head. She had whimpered but then pressed her head against his fingers as he started scratching. It took a while for her to slowly walk back to him and settle down beside him, closer than before. Bruce had quickly checked her stitches but everything was fine.

After that Bucky was more determined to stay beside her until she would wake up again. He had carried her to his room. Now she’s sleeping on his bed, surrounded by the blanket, curled up as small as her injury allows. Her head is cuddled deeply into the pillow. Nat had tried shifting the pillow earlier to a more comfortable position but Y/N had growled each time her hand came close to the pillow, so they left her be. Bucky figured that it comforts her, and he’s not ashamed to say that he’s a little proud of that fact.

It gets late and the sky slowly turns dark. Bucky has to admit that he’s tired of sitting inside all day, alone. He knows the others are up on the common room, so he figures he could join them. Still, he doesn’t want to leave Y/N alone for too long. He strokes her fur a last time, even bends down and kisses her head. “I’ll be right back, doll.” He turns around, walks to the door and turns back to look at her. Satisfied to find her still asleep he quickly wanders to the elevator, rides up the two floors and walks into the common room.

Clint sits on the couch, his leg propped up on Nat’s lap, wrapped up in a cast. They both playing a phone game against each other. Bruce sits beside Nat, reading a book. From somewhere in the kitchen he hears popping. He can smell it too and knows Steve is making popcorn. He’s always the one making it. Out of the corner of his eyes he sees Tony at the bar, taking a drink with an excited Peter beside him. Bucky has no clue when he arrived. A laugh from the kitchen confirms that Sam is in the tower as well, probably making fun of Steve. Wanda and Vision sit with Pepper, probably arrived with Peter and Sam, on the couch and looking through the DVD selection of the tower.

Bucky ignores them all. Instead, he rips some pillows for the couches, takes the blankets and throws everything on the ground. Then he pushes the coffee table away to make some room before he arranges everything he threw down to a comfy looking nest. He knows the others look at him curiously, but he ignores it. He walks back to a wall closet where they store some more pillows and blankets and rips some more out, adding them to his makeshift mattress. He nods in satisfaction before he walks right back out of the common room and down to his room. He’s glad that Y/N is still fast asleep. For a few moments he strokes through her soft fur and lies down beside her, feeling her steady heartbeat and breathing against his chest. Then, after he’s satisfied and calmed down a bit, he stands up and carefully to not hurt her, picks Y/N up in his arms. She doesn’t make a sound but her head nestles closer to his chest. Bucky smiles at that and grips his pillow somehow awkwardly. He carries her slowly to move her as less than possible, careful of her stitches. It takes a little longer to reach the common room, but he doesn’t care. He carries her inside, ignoring everyone who’s already settled on the couches. Luckily, no one decided to rip a pillow form his nest. “Buck? What are you doing?” Steve looks directly into his eyes, the curiosity sparkling in his own. He doesn’t answer. He walks up to the nest and carefully lies Y/N down, then he settles himself beside her, his chest to her back and his arms wrapped around her. He buries his face into her fur and takes a deep breath. Her scent fills his nose and shoots a wave of calmness through him. He feels like it’s the first real breath he takes all day. He hears a chuckle behind him and is surprised as a blanket wraps around him and Y/N. He looks up and is greeted with Pepper’s smile. She pats Y/N’s head for a second before she goes back to her spot beside Tony and cuddles into him. Bucky hides his face back in Y/N’s fur as everyone settles down. He feels their eyes on him and smiles faintly into Y/N. “Well. Movie night?” Bruce pipes up and is greeted with agreement.

* * *

Y/N smells him. Everything is fuzzy but that she can say as clearly as water in a tub. She hears the muffled sounds from the TV and sees the blurry light that reflects on Bucky’s face. She finds herself lying beside him, rolled up to his chest, facing him. If he noticed that she’s awake then he’s not showing it. He looks calm and engrossed up on whatever they’re watching. Y/N feels his arms around her and his hand lazily stroking the fur where it’s rested on her back. She also feels the dull pain of her injury. Pictures flash before her eyes of what happened, and she quickly closes them to shut the memory out. She worries for a moment if they will throw her out, now that they saw that her instinct can win her over. But then again… Bucky wouldn’t cuddle her if he were afraid of her, would he? No. he wouldn’t. So, Y/N gives herself in on the fact, that they apparently will keep her and cuddles closer to Bucky. She hears him breathe in and feels him move slightly. His arms tighten around her, and she knows he’s looking down at her. Then his lips meet her head, and she smiles inside herself before she falls back asleep.

The second time is a little slower to come to. She still hears the muffled sound of the TV playing behind her. It sounds different from before, so she figures that she was asleep for a little longer than she thought. She hears snoring form somewhere around her and quiet whispering. She thinks she hears Clint saying that he wants to draw on someone. “Hey, doll. How are you?” She opens her eyes and looks straight in Bucky’s face as he whispers to her. She noses his chin and lick it to confirm that she’s actually fine, a bit in pain but that’s to be expected. She’s delighted as she sees him smile at her. Without her knowing her tail thumps against the floor in excitement. A new hand places itself on her head, and she whips it around to be faced with a boy. He smiles at her with shining and curious eyes. She figures it must be Peter. She hears Tony curse about him a lot but Bucky and Steve told her that he likes the kid pretty much and feels about him like an adopted son. She figures she can humor the boy and licks his arm, thumping her tail a little quicker against the floor. Peter’s smile widens, and he giggles a bit before he walks back to the place beside Tony where he sat before. The man is deep asleep and snoring. Probably the one Clint wants to draw on. “I was worried, Y/N.” Her head tuns back to Bucky. His smile is vanished, and he has some sort of concern written on his face. Y/N doesn’t like this look. “But I’m glad you’re feeling better.” His forehead leans down on her, and she uses the opportunity to lick at the skin she can reach once again and place a paw on his thigh, carefully avoiding his on bandages. Bucky buries his face in her fur and Y/N licks his ear, the only spot she can reach, in concern for him. But the giggle he lets out makes her believe that he’s fine. She thumps her tail once again against the floor and attacks his ear more violently, causing him to squirm more and laugh loudly. Her eyes lock with Sam’s and Steve’s, and she finds both of them looking fondly at them. She lets her tongue loll out. She knows it must look like she’s grinning at them, because they both laugh a little. She turns back to Bucky, her eyes landing on his bandaged arm. She whines and causes Bucky to sit up straight in concern. “What? What’s up? Did I hurt you?” Y/N whines again and noses against the bandage on his arm. She knows fully that it’s her fault that his arm is injures. She licks lightly over it and looks up at Bucky. He seems relived somehow. “Don’t worry. It will heal. I know you wouldn’t hurt me and I know you weren’t really you.” He smiles at her and kisses the tip of her wet nose. Y/N shakes her head in confusion at the sanitation. Bucky laughs at her expression, and she figures it must have looked funny. Y/N let’s out a yawn, feeling suddenly very tired and rests her head against Bucky’s chest. He wraps his arms around her and lies back down, her head still on his chest. She falls asleep to Wanda whispering to Bucky that Y/N is glad he’s fine, too. Bless Wanda for translating her thoughts to Bucky.

The third time is the worst. The pain is killing her, ripping her chest open and feels like someone is boring in her chest with a knife. She’s painfully aware of the wound that was only a light throbbing form before, thankfully because of the meds she must’ve gotten. She knows something is very different form before, but she has no energy to open her eyes. She feels weak and tired. Slowly, voices and sound some into her ears. Suddenly the pain intensifies and she whimpers. “Shit!” Bucky! That’s him? But what is he doing? It gets louder around her, someone is running around, someone is shouting. “Doll?” Someone grasps at her, and she knows it’s Bucky. Behind her closed eyelid she sees light explode. It’s blinding her, and she presses her eyes closer to shut most of the light out with a new whimper. “Y/N? Can you hear me? I need you to look at me.” It’s Bucky again. She tries to open her eyes and they actually do. The light is bright and for a moment she sees nothing until Bucky comes into focus. He’s worried and clasps onto a hand. Y/N is confused. Whose hand is this? Why is he holding it so close to his mouth? What going on? Bucky has blood on his hands and on his cheeks and Y/N worries that he ripped his stitches or got hurts otherwise. Did she bite him again? She wants to ask him, to tell him she sorry. “Bu-” Wow… That was her voice. Croaky and laced with pain but her voice. The feeling of her body intensifies. She feels her legs, wrapped up with a soft blanket, feels her hand in a death grip from Bucky, feels the hot searing pain in her chest. “Yeah, doll. It’s alright. Bruce is trying to stitch you up again, okay?”

“W-what hap-end?” She croaks and winces as the pain throbs in her side. “You shifted in your sleep. Pulled and popped all the stitches open.” Bucky looks her directly in the eyes as a second head pops up beside her. Wanda gifts her a thin-lipped smile before she wipes a wet clothe along her forehead, cleaning her off of the sweat that she hadn’t noticed before. “Y/N?” Her eyes are drawn back from Wanda and focus on Bruce. His hands are already in white gloves, and he holds up a needle. “I’m going to stitch you up again, okay? I gave you something against the pain, but we can’t wait any longer. It can get infected if it stays open for longer. Hold tight on Bucky.” He doesn’t wait for an answer before he kneels down beside her and Y/N figures that he has no say in what happens anyway. Bruce smears something on her wound and it burns. She whimpers and aches her back, tries to get away from him, closer to Bucky but Bucky hold her down. “It’s okay. It’s over in a minute. I promise.” Bucky strokes his bloody hand through her hair and across her cheek trying to calm her with his voice and touch. The pain subsides slowly, but she still feels the first few burns from the needle that goes through her torn skin. Her eyes lock on Bucky’s occasionally they travel to Wanda when she removes the cloth and wipes it over her forehead again. She’s always greeted with a smile that look more honest each time. Otherwise, she ignores the others around her. Ignores they’re talking and questions, their concerned looks.

She has no real feeling on how long it takes for Bruce to fix her up again but at some pout Bucky leans down and kisses her lips softly before he picks her up. The area around her wound feels numb, so she feels no pain as he carries her over to a couch and sits her down softly. Nat passes her a glass of water, her eyes staying a little longer on her before she smiles and squeezes her shoulder in comfort. Tony is the one to sit next to her and passes her some painkillers that she takes greatly, not wanting the pain to return anytime soon. Sam pops up in the field of her view and waits for her to take the painkillers before he shoves a thermometer into her mouth. “Wha-”

“Shh. I thought you were a little too warm before you shifted. We want to get a reading on your fever.” Bucky squeezes her hand that he still holds in his metal one. She figures, once again, that she has no saying in the happening, so she lets the others fret over her as much as they want. It’s the only thing that calms them anyway. She lets Peter and Pepper change her clothes and Steve wrap a blanket around her and Bucky.

At some point she gets tired and leans on Bucky. He shifts her and himself against the armrest until she sits comfortingly between his legs, her back to his chest and head on his shoulder, legs stretched out along the couch. He wraps her tightly into his arms, kisses her behind her ear and whispers into it. “Go to sleep. I’ll be here the whole time.” And Y/N does. Glad that everyone cares about her. Glad that no one is mad at her. Glad that she’s not thrown out and punished but cared for and loved.


	12. Learn about me

They are still on the couch. Y/N lost a lot of time and it’s difficult to tell how late, or early, it is right now. She’s still cuddled against Bucky’s chest, dosing off a little while he breathes against the skin of her neck. Y/N figures he’s just as sleepy as she is. He hasn’t moved an inch the whole time they are on the couch now. Instead, he holds her tightly to his chest refusing to budge a little if she moves. She doesn’t really mind. Her side feels fine so far, the painkillers are still working, and she feels warm and wanted. But she knows that the questions hang in the air. No one wants to ask, probably because they want to give her time to recover, but they all are curious. She can’t really blame them, and she’s glad that they waited this long now. However, she starts to feel restless, like she’s waiting for the first bomb. She opens her eyes lazily and looks at Tony. He tips on his tablet, seemingly high concentrated. Y/N studies his face and posture. She tries to find out if he’s bugged by questions and only hides it well. After a few seconds it seems like he feels her eyes on him. He lifts his head and looks around until he actually meets her eyes. He looks surprised to see her awake, but he flashes her a smile before he goes back to his tablet. Y/N’s eyes wander further to Natasha. The red-head is already looking at her. They smile at each other and her eyes wander again. Bruce is absorbed in his book and Clint in his mobile. Sam is watching TV and whispering with Wanda about the characters. Peter and Pepper are looking through some photos. When her eyes get to Steve, she finds him looking at her like Natasha did. “Hi.” He mouths and Y/N smiles lightly at him. Steve smiles back and nods before he focuses on the TV. Y/N frowns for a moment, trying to decide if she should bring the topic up herself or not, but then she cuddles back into Bucky’s chest, letting him tighten his arms around her. “You okay?” His voice is slightly raspy from sleep, but he speaks silently so that only she can hear him. “Hm.” She hums and closes her eyes. “Tired. And warm.”

“Hm. You still have a fever. Go back to sleep.” She feels him smile against her hair and his lips as he kisses her. She sighs and closes her eyes. Sleep doesn’t come though. Continuously she feels eyes on her. Staring, trying to figure her out. It makes her twitchy and wishing she could change and run off. “Y/N…” She opens her eyes again and looks up into Bucky’s. He frowns at her and runs his hand through her hair. She looks through the room and finds more eye pairs on her than she likes. She inhales deeply and lets it out again. Slowly, very slowly, she sits up and waits for Bucky to sit next to her, then she takes his hand in hers and squeezes it tightly. “Hey…” Bucky lifts her head with his other hand and looks at her. “What’s wrong, doll? Are you in pain? Feeling sick?”

“N-no. I’m good.”

“You’re not.” Bucky frowns at her. Y/N meets his eyes briefly before she lets her gaze wander through the room, over the faces of the others. She sighs and looks down at her hands, one still intervened with Bucky’s. She knows it’s inevitable, anyway. “What do you want to know?” They all look a bit startled, unsure of what she means, so she directs her gaze to Tony. He’s always the one to asks questions first, and he surly is the one who wants to know what happened back in the forest. “What do you want to know?” She repeats herself and watches as Tony’s eyes grow wide as he realizes what she means. His eyes dart to Bucky, then to Steve and back to her before he clears his throat. “What, eh…” he stops and looks back at Steve. Y/N follows his gaze. She really thought he would be the one to throw the questions out like he did when they found out that she’s actually human. But apparently not. Steve rubs his neck, awkwardly avoiding her gaze. “What happened to you? Why did you suddenly change? Why did you walk to him in the first place? Who was he?” Y/N frowns at his questions and hums. She’s not sure that she can answer his questions, she misses many pieces herself and has almost the same questions herself. Bucky squeezes her hand and places his other on top of them. “You don’t need to answer, you know?” He whispers into her ear and she nods. She knows. But they will always be wary of her if she doesn’t, and she really wants this, the tower, the Avengers, Bucky, to be her home. “I…” she begins reluctant and swallows past the lump in her throat, trying to ignore the attentions she gets right now. “I probably can’t answer everything. I-I… I don’t know who he was. He seemed familiar but I can’t remember him. I’m missing a big piece of my past. I know I was with my parents and that my father brought me to a man. The next thing I know is pain, the taste of blood and… and an odd feeling of freedom. After that I was in the streets of New York.” They all listen to her and no one interrupts the silence as she thinks for a moment. “I know he’s one guy from Hydra and I know that he… That he did something to me, but I can’t remember. I really try but I can’t.”

“Y/N! It’s okay, stop pulling your hair. It’s okay. No one is mad. Y/N looks up to be met with Natasha’s concerned eyes, she holds her hands in her and for a moment Y/N wonders when she had come over and when she started to pull at her hair. Her breathing is a little too fast and Bucky is rubbing calming circles into her back. She takes a few more deep breathes before she talks again. “When he stood there, it was like… like an instinct. My body reacted to something from my past. The moment he turned this device on my chest exploded with pain and my body wanted it to stop. My instinct told me to walk to him, to listen. To change and take. As if I did it thousands of times already.” She’s silent for a moment and only tries to focus on Bucky’s hand on her back and her thigh. “It’s okay, doll.” He nuzzles her neck and presses a soft kiss against her shoulder, and she leans into the soft gesture. “Why did you attack us?” She looks up to see Clint lift himself up a bit and look at her. Their eyes meet for a moment before she averts her gaze, ashamed that she actually did attack them without second thought. “When… when my life is in danger or I’m in immense pain, any feeling that’s overwhelming, my animal-instinct grows. It can happen that it overtakes my mind. And then I’m just like a wild and afraid animal. I can’t do anything against it, it’s protecting me. And it’s difficult to come back then. W-When I attacked you the pain just wouldn’t stop despite him being on the ground and I didn’t know what to do. I figured you all needed to die. I was in blood-lust.” She squeezes her hand together, her knuckles turning white. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m s-sorry.” She feels the tear leak in her eyes and fall down. “Y/N...” Bucky pulls her softly closer to him, wrapping her up in his arms, mindful of her injured side. “S-sometimes, when I stay to long as one animal it happens, too. It’s as if you awake form a long dream afterwards. I can remember what I did but it is as if I didn’t do it but someone else.” They’re all silent for a while. Bucky holds her tightly and rocks her a bit until the tears stop rolling. Pepper presses her a cup of steaming hot tea and gift her a soft smile which Y/N is thankful for. It eases her raging mind and the fear of getting kicked out. “What do you remember? Of Hydra.” Wanda looks at her. Her eyes are soft, concerned but interested. Y/N thinks for a long time but then shakes her head. “Nothing much, like I said. I know that may dad took me somewhere when I turned... twelve? There is- pain, darkness and blood… An odd freedom which I know wasn’t one. I-I know I killed people. And then, one day, I can’t really remember much. There’s red light, an alarm similar to yours. I remember people screaming and wind running through my fur. I was… terrified. And the next thing I know is that I was in the streets of New York, as cat. Surrounded by them. And none of them was… hurting me.” She looks down at the mug, watching the loose tea that escaped the bag swirl around in it. “Can… Can it happen again?” She meets Peter’s eyes. He looks a little terrified and Y/N flinches involuntarily. That’s exactly what she doesn’t want. She doesn’t want them to be afraid of her. She looks down at her hands, ashamed that she, apparently, can’t do anything right. “I-It can.” Her head shoots up with wide and afraid eyes as she looks form Avenger to Avenger. “But it rarely happens. I change a lot and if I don’t have feelings that overwhelm me it should be fine. I-I promise.” She looks pleadingly at Tony. “Don’t throw me out. Please.” Tony’s eyes widen as Bucky’s arms tighten around her. “Why would I throw you out?” Tony shakes his head in irritation. “W-well, because I-I attacked you. I hurt you.”

“Yeah well… I did, too. Ultron was my fault and it could have killed any of us. And neither of them throws me out.” Tony shrugs and Y/N stares at him in disbelieve. “I-It is your tower. How can they throw you out?”

“Ah, you got me there.” Tony shrugs again with a slight smile before he nips at his glass. Bucky uses the time and wraps Y/N’s hand back in his. “Doll. We won’t throw you out. We didn’t before and I won’t let them now. You’re staying with us.” She turns her head to look in his eyes. She searches for any sign of a lie, uncertainty or doubt in her. Maybe even fear. But she finds adoration, a kind of love she never saw in someone’s eyes and an unbelievable big certainty. She inhales to say something but finds herself at a lack of words, so she closes her mouth and nods. Bucky pulls her a little closer and kisses her forehead, before he guides her head against his shoulder. Her eyes drift close at the safety of his presence and scent. “How can I help you?” She opens her eyes at Steve’s voice and looks over at him. “I-I mean. How can we… pull you out if you happen to- to…”

“If your instinct kicks in.” Sam supplies as Steve struggles with his words but the blond nods. Y/N frowns a bit and starts to think while she lies back against Bucky’s shoulder. Then she shakes her head slowly. “I don’t think there’s any kind of help. No one actually ever tried. It just… stop after a time.”

“But my touch helped, right? It pulled you out.” Bucky’s voice rumbles through his chest and vibrates against Y/N’s side. She suppresses a yawn and nods. “Yeah, it did.” She smiles at bit at the memory. It’s the only good thing that came out of all of this. That she finally knows at least one thing can pull her out of the instinct and give her the will to decide back.

Her expression turns sour again, and she shifts her head to look up at him with sad and tired eyes. “You won’t always be there.”

“But I’ll try.” He kisses her forehead and pulls the blanket up over her shoulders as she closes her eyes to the sanitation of his lip against her skin. “Go to sleep, beautiful.” He whispers just for her ears, and she smiles and nuzzles closer to him, only hissing a little because of her side, but Bucky shushes her and trails soft fingers along the bandages. She’s fast to go back to sleep this time, her mind at ease that she had answered every question for now and that no one actually yelled at her. She hears some shuffling and whispering but is too tired to really listen to it. Soon, she’s fast asleep, missing the others leaving one after another and stroking through her hair or whispering soft promises to her and Bucky.

Bucky hears and sees it, though. He smiles and now that she will never get hurt again like she did before. This is his safe heaven after all and what is his will be hers. He kisses her head and listens to Steve and Peter talk before he drifts off, too.

* * *

It's been two days now since Y/N got patched up by Bruce. Bucky has told her how close to death she actually was, and she has to admit that she’s a bit ashamed that she left Bucky so worried. She apologized, obviously, but Bucky wouldn’t have any of that. He said he understands her. He can imagine why she ran away without her needing to explain it. And Y/N is actually pretty grateful for it. It’s not that she couldn’t explain it, but she rather doesn’t want to do it. It’s making her feeling more guilty that it does already, and she knows, when she sees his face while telling him, what’s going through her head, that she actually starts to doubt herself again. She doesn’t want to do it once again. She’s sick and tired of constantly doubting herself. She wants to be proud and secure in her appearance.

She hasn’t really moved from her spot on the couch in the common room. Bucky had carried her to go and shower but other than that she wanted to stay in the area where everybody would gather for breakfast and dinner. They would meet her now and then and no one would feel uncomfortable to interrupter while sleeping or reading. It’s after all the common room. And she is never really alone in here. Bucky is always there and if he isn’t then there’s Peter who plays on his PlayStation with her, or Bruce who reads aloud for her, Wanda who shows her how knit, which she’s not really good at. Steve is there sometimes too, drawing or reading. He chatters happily with her and sometimes he as this fond look on his face when he watches her and Bucky interact. Most of the time she sleeps, though.

Now Bucky sits beside her. He has one of her hands in his while she tries to read. She can’t really concentrate, so she gives up on her book and places it on her lap, then she studies Bucky. His hand is clammy and sweaty, his hair knotted and quickly thrown into a bun. He shuffles around, seemingly not able to sit still. His face is worried and Y/N can practically feel that he’s worried and uncomfortable. It takes him longer than usual to feel her eyes on him but when he does, he tries to smile which looks like a grimace. “You want to tell me what’s wrong?” She raises her eyebrows slightly and looks into his gray eyes. This time Bucky actually grimaces and shuffles closer to her, his thigh pressed against hers. “Bucky? What’s wrong today?”

“I-I have a debriefing.”

And? That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

“I- Well, yes. They want to tell me how I did on the mission, but…” He trails off and looks at his hand that still holds hers. He tightens his grip a little. “Are you worried what they’re going to say?”

No.” This answer surprises her. She looks confused at him. “Then- What are you so nervous about?”

“Don’t you see it? I need to leave.” He looks at her as if she’s missing a major detail in the whole thing and Y/N is a little taken aback. “Y-Yeah, you can’t have the briefing here. I know.”

“No, you don’t.” Bucky sighs in frustration and turns to her with worried and impatient eyes. Y/N figures that he wants her desperately to understand what he’s nervous about and that he thinks she’s taking too long to figure it out. “Bucky.” She lifts her free hand to his cheek and searches his eyes for an answer. “What is it?”

“I need to leave you!” His voice is filled with frustration and Y/N dawns what he’s so nervous about. She leans back a little, hand still on his cheek. “Ahh.” She giggles a little and Bucky looks at her as if she took too many of her painkillers. “Wha- Why are you giggling? This is serious, Y/N!”

“N-no, it isn’t.” She tries to catch her breath and holds her side which starts to throb because of the laughing. “Bucky.” Her voice is fond and she smiles at him. “I’m not going anywhere. And I will be fine if you’re not here for a few hours.”

“But-”

“No.” She shakes her head and caresses his cheek. “I will stay here and read my book. If I get tired of that, I call someone up here to entertain me. And when I need help I will, too. No, Listen to me.” She silences him with a finger on his lips. She feels a little like they are dating for years now and somehow, she likes the thought. “If, and that’s a big if I’m talking about, somethings happening and I need you, you will be the first to know, right away. I promise.” Bucky still doesn’t look convinced so Y/N leans in and presses her lips softly to his. “I will call you, if I need you.” Bucky sighs and leans his forehead against hers. “I barely have left your side since…” He doesn’t finish his sentence and Y/N doesn’t need him too. “I know and I’m grateful for that, but we both know that you have to leave my side eventually. It will be fine.” She smiles at his just as Steve steps into the room. “Buck, are you read- Oh, sorry.” Steve blushes as he sees them both so close to each other, nearly kissing. Y/N smiles at him and then leans in and kisses Bucky again. She plays a little with his hair at his neck and feels him slightly relay under her touch. Then she leans back and searches his eyes once again, pleased to find them a little less worried. “You will call me right away?”

“Of course.”

“No matter what it is?”

“Mhm.”

“And you won’t move away from this spot?”

“Not a chance.” He looks at her and Y/N giggles a little before she lightly pushes him away and to Steve. “Go, Bucky. And don’t worry. You did fine on that mission.” Bucky reluctantly walks over to Steve. “I’m not worried about that.” He mumbles under his breath but Y/N can still hear him. And Steve’s sarcastic answer. “Of course, you aren’t.” She giggles once again and watches them both leave, waving at Bucky as he turns a last time to look at her.

When he comes back, she’s still there, smiling at him and wrapping him up in a hug.


	13. Friend of mine

Her side burns and she presses her hand against it. It’s like torture. “P-Peter, stop. Please. Ow, ow. I-I can’t anymore.” Y/N laughs and gasps as the pain increases. Peter is still gesturing around widely and talking about some stuff that happened in school lately. She tries to catch her breath as she hears a moan from beside her. She looks over and finds Bucky stir awake. He slowly opens his eyes, but they quickly go wide, and he sits up straight, looking around widely. “Y/N!” His expression is wild and a little panicked but calms as he sees Y/N, still giggling, on the couch beside him. His expression turns fond, and he relaxes back into the cushions. Y/N holds her side, which still hurts and smiles at Bucky. Then she stretches her hand out and traces her fingers along Bucky’s stubbled cheek. “Slept well?”

“Hmm.” Bucky hums and closes his eyes a little. She feels him lean into her touch. “I’m surprised you didn’t wake up from our laughing.” She giggles again. “Ow.” Bucky’s eyes shoot open and he looks at her in concern but Y/N keeps giggling. “S-sorry. L-laughing still hurts.” She watches as Bucky relaxes once again. His eyes don’t close again this time, he keeps watching her fondly. “What?” She lays her head at an angle and looks at Bucky curiously. “Nothin’. You’re wearing my shirt.” Y/N smiles and looks down at herself. She actually wears the hoodie Bucky always wears when he knows that Y/N is too comfortable as cat and wants him to carry her around, so that she can sleep in his pocket. “Yeah, I asked Peter to get it for me. It was a little cold in here.” She looks back up to find Bucky still with this fond look on his face. His eyes switch to Peter, and he yawns as he stretches and sits up. “Hey, Pete.”

“Hello, Mr. Barnes.” Bucky rolls his eyes and Y/N giggles again. “You shouldn’t call me that! I’m feeling old. Call me Bucky.”

“O-okay, Mr. Bar- Bucky.” Y/N burst out laughing again, holding her side. “Ow, ow. Shit.” She continues laughing and wipes the tears from her eyes. “What are you doing, doll?”

“P- Peter told me a s-story from his school.” Y/N gasps for air, still a little giggling. She thinks she needs a new dosage of painkillers soon if she continues like this. “Is that so?” Y/N watches Peter nod, and she smiles at Bucky. “Peter and I get along very well. I like his stories even if they hurt me.” She giggles again and this time Peter joins in. but Bucky frowns. “Y/N. Your supposed to keep it lightly. When you’re hurting, you should take something.”

“Nah, it’s my own fault.” She takes some deep breaths to calm herself down but Bucky is already standing and walking over to the kitchen, where Y/N left her painkillers that morning. He pops two pills out and fills a glass with water before he carries it back to Y/N and passes it to her. She rolls her eyes but takes it, nonetheless. Bucky slips in beside her and lets her lean in on himself. They wave at Steve and Tony, who come into the room before Y/N turns to Peter and they start chattering for a bit longer.

* * *

A little while later Y/N is tired of sitting around. Bucky is dosing on the couch again, not really asleep but not really awake, either. Peter went back to do some homework on the coffee table. Steve and Tony are still there, both on their tablets, but Y/N doesn’t really know what they are doing. She stands up and stretches as far as her stitches allow. She feels immensely better now and Bruce promised to look at her wound later, so that they can sort out if she’s allowed to change again. It’s not that Y/N doesn’t enjoy being human and to spend some time with the others. It’s actually pretty funny, and she learned a lot about them, but the itch is growing. She wants to change, to run and climb, to get patted and snuggled, cradled against chests and napping in laps. She walks a bit along behind the couches, looking over Steve’s shoulders to find him drawing on the tablet. She’s a little jealous of his skills. She walks further and watches over Tony’s shoulder but scrunches up her nose as she sees diagrams on it. Stopping at Peter’s side she crouches down carefully and pics up a pen. She quickly scribbles a little, funny face on the edge of his paper and makes him smile before she continues and stops at one window. It’s facing the side of the entrance, and she’s able to look down at the street and see the passing people on the sidewalk. She’s about to turn around against she sees a tiny black spot on the ground. She narrows her eyes and tires to take a closer look. Then she sees it. She leans back a bit before she leans more forward with shock. Her brows are furrowed and she squints her eyes. “That can’t be…”

“What are you staring at?” She feels Tony stand behind her. He walks next to her and looks down onto the street but seems not to see what she does. “There’s a cat.”

“And?”

“She’s a friend.” She looks briefly up at Tony, sees his confused face and looks back down. “Something is wrong with her.”

“How do you know?”

“I saw her once before, sometime after Bucky let me stay here. She was totally fine then, now she’s limping.” Tony hums and looks closer to the ground. He hums again as he actually manages to see the cat. “What’s her name?” Y/N shakes her head and answers absentmindedly. “Doesn’t have one. No one of them has one...” She pauses for a second before she turns around and walks to the door. “I’ll go down and see her.”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Tony calls and wakes Bucky with his loud voice. The man lets out a ridiculous loud snort, which Y/N actually would have found funny if she weren’t so concerned about the black cat on the street. “Y/N?” Bucky’s voice is a little slurred and tired sounding. He looks around, to Steve and to Peter before he turns and sees Y/N and Tony at the door. “Where are you going?”

“Down.”

“Down?” Y/N instantly notices his little panic that shows up in his eyes at these words. She always notices it when she tells him that she’s going down onto the streets, and she actually feels a little guilty of it. She knows that it’s her fault for leaving him twice. “Why?” His voice is a little shaky but Y/N tries to ignore it as best as she can. “There’s a friend of mine.” She waits a second, thinking about him coming an if it’s a good idea or a scare to her friend, but then she decides that it won’t hurt either of them if he does. It actually will help Bucky calm down and her to get the cat up onto their floor. “Do you want to com, too?” She sees Bucky nod and walk up to her. His metal hand takes hers, and she ignores the fact that he squeezes only a little tighter than he normally does. They step into the elevator, leaving a sputtering tony and a laughing Steve behind. Bucky looks at her the whole time and finally asks her what’s he wants to. “Who’s this friend?”

“A cat. She was with me since… She was always with me.” Bucky nods understanding. “Can you… tell me about her?” Y/N looks in his face and smiles.

* * *

Y/N walks through the streets. She’s hungry disorientated and doesn’t know what happened an hour before. She doesn’t even know if it’s actually been an hour or days. She so absorbed in her mind, trying to figure out what to do and what happened, that she doesn’t look where she’s going. She runs, head first, into something and topples to the ground. The growl that greets her lets her shrink together, cowering in fear and waiting for the attack. But it doesn’t come. Instead, there’s a loud meow which lets Y/N freeze in confusion. _Can’t you watch where you’re walking?_

Y/N looks up and is met with green eyes and the face of a black cat. _I-I…_

She stops as she notices that she actually understands and speaks what the cat opposite her speaks. The other cat stares at her for a second before she sits down and lays her at an angle. She studies Y/N intensely, and she finds herself getting really nervous. She looks down the ground, just to avoid the eyes. _You’re strange. But I like you. Come on._

The cat stands up and walks past her. Y/N stares at her in shock. Did she just agree to take Y/N with her? Just like that?

_Are you coming? _Y/N stares a second longer before she scrambles up and follows the cat. She’s silent for a while, trying to figure out why the cat seems to be nice to her. No one was nice to her as human, and now, that she’s a cat, it’s not really different. She was a dong before she changed to be a cat and it was even worse, so she gave that one up. She’s lost in thought again as the black one stops shortly and Y/N runs into her. The black cat looks back at her and shakes her head before she sits down and directs her gaze at the door. Y/N follows her gaze before she looks at the other cat again. _W-what are we doing here?_

_Food. You’re hungry, right? You’re more stumbling than walking._

_I-I…_ She looks confused at the cat but mimics her motion to sit on the ground. _Why are you so nice to me?_

_Because we’re all in the same ship. Is it that what they call it? Doesn’t matter. You’re out here, alone, and as long as you don’t trouble someone, we hold together. That’s how it works. You’re not long on the streets, are you?_ Despite being a cat, Y/N thinks she sees a little amusement in the face of the black one. She shakes her head no and looks down at her paws. _No, I’m not… _She waits a second before she speaks up again. _Am I not a bother for you?_ The other cat looks at her and seems to muster her. _No, why? You didn’t do anything but ran into me._

Y/N hums. _Everyone ever told me I’m a bother._

_Then they’re wrong. I think_. They’re heads whip around as the door in front of them opens. “Ah, there you are. I was wondering when you would come.” An elderly woman stands there, smiling down at them with a plate full of food in a hand. Her eyes look from the black cat over to Y/N, and she feels a wave of uncertainty wash over her. Should she go?

“Oh, you brought a friend, today?” The black cat stands up and nuzzles against the woman’s legs, making her laugh and bend down to pat her. Y/N watches, wondering who this lady might be. The woman’s sets the plate down and keeps stroking the black cat. Her eyes, though, wander over to Y/N every so often. “What’s wrong with you, sweetie? Aren’t you hungry?” Y/N looks at the woman and slowly comes closer joining the black cat at the plate and takes a bite of whatever it is that she eats. Suddenly there’s a hand on her back. Y/N screeches in surprise and fear. She leaps back, stumbles and presses herself against the wall behind her. The woman and the black cat look equal surprised at her. “Oh, poor thing. Did I scare you? I’m sorry.”

_Come back over here. She’s nice._ Y/N looks at her but fear has her mind in a tight grip. Except to walk back to the black cat and the food that she knows she need she back away, closer to the end of the alley and to the full main street. When she’s close enough she runs. She hears the woman say something and the other cat meow loudly, but she ignores it and dashes through the streets, avoiding passing people, avoiding cars and running past strays like her. At some point she stops, jumps at a fire escape and lies down to catch her breath. Her mind is still blinded with the fear of getting hurt and punished, her heartbeat is way too fast and her lungs burning. It needs a while until she can think clearly again. She doesn’t get up, though. She stays down and tries to relax as best as she can. _Why did you run? You didn’t even eat anything._

Y/N twitch and looks up to see the black one in front of her. She places something down and Y/N recognizes it as some food from the plate. _Eat it._ Y/N is about to shake her head and decline the offer but something in the eyes of the cat says her that she won’t take a no for an answer.

* * *

“We stayed together after that. At some point that nice woman died and her son wasn’t as friendly as she was. He threw things at us or put razor knives into the food and did give up on that spot. When one of us wasn’t able to get some food, then the other would share.” Y/N looks down at her hand that’s still tightly in Bucky’s grip. “One day she didn’t come back. I searched for her but couldn’t find her. It was the day I found you, outside the tower. I came back the next day to see if you were there again, because I thought that you looked sad. And you were there. So, I came back every day.” She looks up at Bucky’s eyes and smiles at him. He smiles back and squeezes her hand lightly. “What happened to the cat?”

“I don’t really know. Two days after I... left, I found her again. She wouldn’t talk about where she had been. She actually was very quiet and reminded me of me at first. I think something bad happened to her, and she’s too confused or afraid to tell me about it. But she stayed with me until the day Nat found me and brought me back to the tower.”

While she had talked to Bucky, she hasn’t noticed that they reached the entrance hall. She stops walking and stares at the door. Bucky looks at her, a little confused, and follows her gaze. “What is it?”

“I don’t know how she will react. I don’t know if she will accept me. She didn’t run away instantly when I change for Nat, but…”

“But you think that could change after all the time you were here?” Y/N hums and looks into Bucky’s eyes. “What should I do?” Bucky looks equally lost at her and shrugs. “What you think is best.” Y/N frowns at him. That’s not really helping her or easing her mind. She takes a deep breath and let’s go of Bucky’s hand. She takes a step forward to the door and the another one until the door slide open automatically. The black cat is still there. She walks up and down in front of the entrance but stops as she sees Y/N. “Hey.” Y/N smiles thin lipped, worry in the back of her mind and crouches down. She holds out a hand for the cat, and she actually comes a little closer. Y/N sees now that she’s clearly limping. “You remember me, yeah?” She smiles, now a little lighter in her chest as the black cat pushes her head into her hand. “Doll?” Y/N Turns a little around to not startle the cat. Bucky had followed her outside. He crouches a few feet behind her but his gaze switches back to the cat. “Do you think I can…?” he motions to the cat and Y/N laughs a bit. “I guess.” But just as Bucky comes a little closer the cat walks back a few feet. She lies low in fear and eyes him closely, trying to react to each move he does. Bucky notices her behavior and Y/N find it similar to her own before she settled down in the tower. She looks at the cat, a little lost in what to do, but then an idea strikes her head. She places a hand on her stitches and looks at Bucky. “You’re ready if someone happens, right?” His gaze snaps to her. He’s confused and Y/N knows that what she’s about to do will let him freak out but it’s the only thing that probably get her friend to come with her. “What do you mean?” His eyes look her up and down but then stop at her hand, which she still holds against her stitches. “W-what are you doing, Y/N?”

“Don’t worry.” She smiles at him and reaches out to squeeze his hand. “I just need you to be here.” She looks him into the eyes but then changes before he can stop her. “Y/N!”

She feels herself shrink and change. It feels incredible. She hasn’t noticed how long it has been and how much she missed it. Bucky screams her name a little too loud, and she sees the black cat back off again.

Y/N moans a little as her aching bones shift but in two more second, she stands on her paws and struggle a bit to stay upright. To prevent falling from the dizziness she sits down and looks at Bucky. He comes closer, hand hovering over her and looking her up and down. Then he picks her up and cradles her like a baby, looking at the stitches. “Y/N! That’s dangerous. You could have pulled them!” Y/N meows and nuzzles her head against his chin, reassuring him that she’s fine, only a little dizzy. Another meow catches her attention, and she looks over to see her friend look at her with wide eyes. Y/N is actually pleased that no one seems to have stopped and stare at her and that her friend didn’t make a run. She meows at Bucky to let her down, and he does. Eyeing her closely.

Y/N walks slowly, minding every step and stop one or two feet in front of the black cat. Hey. Y/N meows at her and flicks her tail lightly in excitement. H-hi. The black one stutters a little and Y/N can see that she’s confused and in pain. What’s wrong with your paw? Are you hurt? She stands back up and walks over to the other cat, sniffing carefully at her paw and looking into her face. Instead of answer, the cat looks straight at Bucky. Y/N follows her gaze. He’s nice. He takes good care of me. We can trust him. The black cat looks back at Y/N. He gave you a name?

Yeah. I’m Y/N now. The cat nods at her words and looks back at Bucky. He’s still looking over to them, still kneeling on the concrete and looking curious. Y/N nudges the cat a little closer to him. He’s fine, don’t worry. You helped me once, when I came to life on the streets. Let us help you now. Please.

B-but… The black on looks back at her, uncertain and Y/N has the feeling that she happened to walk in peoples grip that weren’t really friendly to her. Please. Y/N nudges her again and licks over her head. I’ll stay at your side the whole time. I promise. The other cat whimpers a little and Y/N understands that it’s difficult for her to trust them. She experienced it before and it took months for her to trust all the people she now calls a family. And still, now and then she finds herself doubting that they actually want her but each time she does, they prove that they want her. And she has decided, just right now, that she wants to show her friend what they mean to her and maybe she can convince her to stay, too.

Y/N walk in front of her friend, right into Bucky’s arms. She stretches up a bit and nuzzles against Bucky’s chin, to show that he’s fine. He wraps his arms around her, as if to hug her and smiles kindly. “Hey, doll. She’s coming upstairs with us?” His eyes land on the cat and Y/N sees that he’s still smiling. She even sees the worry in his eyes as he eyes her hurt paw. Y/N meows once at him before she jumps into the pocket of the hoodie. She pokes her head out to her friend. Come on. I promise he’s fine. Carefully, slowly and reluctant does she come closer. And Bucky is patient. He holds both his hands out for her and waits the long minutes that she takes to sniff at them carefully. She’s still pretty weary of him and Y/N can’t blame her. But the black one actually lets Bucky pat her carefully as he talks calmly to her, and she even, and that’s wants surprises Y/N the most, lets him pick her up and drop her into the pocket next to Y/N. It’s a tight fit, but Y/N snuggles closer and licks over the black ear that’s closest to her. Told you. You’ll be fine.


	14. I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta-read because I didn't have any time -.-

They ride with the elevator seems a bit longer than normal and the cat struggles a bit and shuffles around. Y/N tries to purr at her soothingly and Bucky does his part with patting them through the pocket. Y/N peeks out of the pocket and watches where Bucky is heading. She looks up and him and meows, wanting to know why he’s walking to the common room. “What?” Bucky looks down with a small smile. Y/N meows again and looks to the door before she looks back up. “Why I walk to the common room? Well, I thought it might be good to show her a place where everybody else will be. She can find some places to hide and get used to them. Should I not? Do you want me to go to my room? Or yours?” Y/N considers it for a moment but then she meows silently with a purr and looks to the door again. Bucky smiles and strokes over her head which she appreciates with a slow rumble in her chest. She waits for Bucky to stroll through the doors and straight over to the couch. Bucky lets her jump out and Y/N sits down patiently. “JARVIS, can you send Bruce up, please?”

“Of course, Sergeant.” Y/N nods and waits for Bucky to let her friend out. The black cat is cautious. She looks around with wide eyes, laying low in few and dashes over to Y/N and hides between her and the backrest. Y/N starts to lick over her fur soothingly while Bucky carefully sits down. Bucky watches them for a moment before he looks up. Y/N sees his movement and follows his eyes over to Tony. The scientist eyes them closely and she can see that he wants to come over. Her eyes meet his and he smiles a small crooked smile. “You know I saw what you did down there. You’re a little too much like us. You risk yourself by changing in front of so many, you know that?” Steve and Peter watch them silently. Y/N meows at tony and purrs a little. Buck chuckles. “Are you suddenly concerned about her?” Tony gasps. “She’s family! Of course, I am.” Y/N meows again. She knows he worries. Their start wasn’t the best but in the last couple of weeks she found that the man actually cared pretty much about her. And she likes him, cares for him and the others even when Bucky remains her favorite. Y/N friend is still hiding behind her, she peeks a little form behind her to see all the people more clearly and eyes them for a long time. Y/N licks a little over her head, then she lies down comfortably and snuggles against the slightly smaller cat. She hears Steve snort and looks over to him. He tries to look innocent and very interested in the tablet but Y/N sees his sheepish glances to her. She narrows her eyes and is pleased as he smiles nervously and clears his throat. Y/N sties lied down for a while, licking now and then over the nervous black cats’ fur and nuzzles her head against her. She lets Bucky pat her for a little time but the doors open and reveal Nat and Bruce. Y/n feels her friend tense beside her. _It’s okay. They’re fine. Just like the others. No one is doing something and no one will. _Y/N meows and lets her chest rumble. The cat looks only nervously at her before her eyes dart to Bruce who crouches down besides Bucky and stats whispering, eyes on the cat. Y/N ignores him for now and turns to Nat who its down behind her, making the black cat twitches and spin around with a feared screech. _It’s fine, really._ Y/N tries to assure her friend but she seems to not really believe her so she decides to proof it. She walks the two steps over to Nat, only to flop on her side like she got pushed and snuggles against Nat’s thigh. To proof that the woman really is not a threat she stretches, paws against her leg and uses the slightest bit of claw. “Ow. Y/N!” Nat winces but still smiles as Y/N meows apologetically. She bumps her head against Nat’s pants and lets out the obscene meow she ever made as Nat starts scratching just at the right spot. It feels so good and Y/N feels herself almost lost in the pleasure of it. “Hey, Y/N. Is this your friend? The one who was on the fire escape when I went to you?” Y/N looks up at Nat who eyes the black cat closely, trying to remember if she, in fact, is Y/N’s friend or not. Y/N meows and jumps on her feet, flicking her tail in excitement. _That’s right! _Y/N turns to her friend and lick over her face, making the cat scowl a little. _You know Nat already! She’s the one who brought me food and visited me for a while. Do you remember?_

_She took you from me. _If Y/N could frown, then she would. Instead, she sits down and looks at her friend. _She didn’t. I went willingly._

_No. You said you won’t go back. But she took you._

_Yeah. Because it was the best for me. And I’m glad she did. These people are wonderful. I’m sure you will love them. They never hurt me, not even once. They always care about me. _

_A-and your… your wound?_ Y/N looks down at the place where her stiches are. How does she explain how she got them? Telling the whole truth will take a little too long and lying isn’t what she wants to do. _Well… No. That wasn’t them. It was a bit of my fault. Actually. I was the one to hurt them. _ The black cat lets out a confused meow and Y/N can’t blame her for that. It’s not like she ever saw her going wild. _I explain another time._

“Y/N?” Y/N looks back at Nat. “You think I can pat her?” Y/N flicks her tail and looks at her friend not saying anything. The eyes of her friend dart to Nat and back to her. _And?_ Y/N meows and looks expectant at the other. She lies low and comes a little closer to Y/N, which means closer to Nat. She flinches a little as Nat raises her hand but stays put. She sniffs for a long moment on Nat hand before she lies down, prepared to run as soon as she does something that not feeling alright. Nat seems to see it as invitation and runs her hand lightly over the head and back. Y/N stays close to her friend, lies down beside her and purrs. _Not so bad, huh?_

_It actually feels fine._

“Does she have a name?” This time its Tony who speaks up and Y/N looks over to him. He had sat down beside Steve again, his tablet still abandoned on the table. Y/N shakes her head and looks over at Bucky. He smiles at her, reaches out and picks her up to cradle her in his arms like a baby. He kisses her head and nuzzles her nose. Y/N meows lightly and paws at his cheek. “Give her a name then.” He looks at her as if he expects her to change but Y/N doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want to leave her friend without someone to talk to. She considers giving her a name later but her friend is actually almost in Nat’s lap by now and looks at her. Y/N wriggles out of Bucky’s grip, licks his hand as apology to his pout and walks to Nat only to bump her paw against her arm repeatedly. “What?” Nat looks confused until Peter actually speaks up. “I think Y/N want you to name her.” Y/N flicks her tail in approvement as Nat looks down at her in question. Then Y/N directs her gaze at her friend. _Is it okay for her to choose a name for you?_

_I- You mean… She would?_

_Of course, she would. They all would. _Before she can get an answer, Nat strokes over the black head and hums. “How about… I don’t know. Err… Marvel?” Instantly the ears of the black cat perk up. “You like it?” The cat looks up at Nat and meows softly. _Marvel. Y/N! My name is Marvel!_

_Yeah, I heard._ Y/N would laugh when she could. She stands up and nuzzles against Marvel and gives her a careful lick against one ear. Bucky picks her away from her friend again, still pouting. “She steals you from me, Y/N. I want your attention.” He whines, hiding his face in her back as he holds her up. This time it’s not only Steve who snorts. Y/N struggles a little and finally paws at his nose before he puts her down. She snuggles down in his lap but Bucky changes her position slightly, so that she’s on her side. “Let Bruce look at those stitches, yeah?” She meows and looks expected at Bruce. The man pats her head shortly and then runs his hand through her fur until he finds her stitches. Y/N ignores his hands on her throbbing side, instead she violently attacks Bucky’s metal hand with her tongue. It’s only a little moment until Bruce pats her side and gets her attention back. “You were lucky, Y/N. You were pretty reckless but you didn’t pull anything. I’m sure your side throbs now but otherwise it should fine. I would recommend you stay like this for a few days, so the wound can heal a bit more. I don’t want to risk it by changing to a human and ripping them all then.” Y/N meows again, licking Bruce chin and snuggles back into Bucky’s side. Bucky strokes her fur again and again and Y/N feels herself drifting of.

“Oh, you’re hurt!” Y/N’s head naps up. Oh, could she forget that? She stands up and runs the few feet over to Marvel and sniffs at her hurt leg which she had totally forgotten. She meows again and lick at Marvel’s fur. Bruce comes over and stretches his hand out but Marvel hisses and cowers closer to Y/N. _Hey, Marvel. It’s fine Bruce will help you. I promise. Let him take a look, yeah?_

_N-no. Y/N, please._

_It’s okay. _Y/N licks over Marvel’s head a few times. She looks up at Bruce as she notices that Marvel’s shivering doesn’t stop.

She meows carefully and lifts Marvel’s paw with her nose. Bruce nods and carefully takes it in his hand. Marvel shivers harder and Y/N tries her best to lick over her head and back, very inch she can reach to calm her down. “Y/N. I’m afraid you need to change now. Be careful. We need to take her down. The cut is pretty deep and infected.” Y/N looks at him in shock then at Marvel and to Bucky. Bucky is frowning, clearly worried about Bruce’s earlier statement of the possibility to pull the stitches but he nods nonetheless. So, Y/N jumps down from the couch and changes. There is no way to slow it down and the moment Y/N is fully human again she staggers a bit to the side. Bucky is there and catches her before she falls. “Doll?”

“I-I’m fine. Just- Dizzy. I’m okay.” She smiles at Bucky and kisses his cheek before she crouches down in front of Marvel. “Hey, Marvel. I take you down to the lab, okay? Bruce will look at your injury and tries to help you.” She picks the black cat up and kisses her head. Marvel presses closely to her and hides her head into her shoulder, trying to be as invisible as possible. Y/N shushes her the whole way down, she strokes her fur, kisses her softly and huddles her close. Marvel stay quiet and hidden away until Y/N sets her down on Bruce’s worktable. She meows and tries to climb back on Y/N’s arm, growing more frantic when Bruce comes close. “Marvel, it’s okay. He won’t hurt you. I’m staying right here; I’m not going anywhere.” She tries to reassure her with soft strokes through her fur. She somehow manages to distract her from Bruce’s approaches and only get a big scratch on her hand as Bruce gets the syringe on her. Y/N shushes her farther until Marvel falls asleep thanks to what Bruce gave her. “I’ll call you when I finish this. FRIDAY. Can you connect me with Y/N’s vet?” Despite Bruce’s words she stays for a while. It’s Bucky who takes her hand and gets her out of the lab. “It’s okay doll. Bruce will take care of her.” He kisses her temple and pulls her into a tight hug. “I know.” She hides her face in his chest and squeezes back. “I’m worried about what happened to her.”

“I know.” They stay like this for a moment before Bucky pulls away a little and lifts the shirt of Y/N’s injured side to look at the stitches. The wound is red and raw looking, thankfully nothing ripped open. Bucky bends down and kisses lightly over it before he straightens again and kisses her passionately.

* * *

Forty-five minutes later Brue appears outside. Y/N and Bucky have sunken to the floor still cuddled together, though Y/N stands up as she sees him. “How is she?”

“She should be fine. We managed to save her leg, a little longer and we had to take it. It should hurt a while and we need to apply some cream and give her antibiotics for a while but the she should be okay.”

“thank god.” Y/N sighs in relieve. Bruce inspects her closely. “How are the stitches?”

“Oh, eh. I’m good.”

“let me see.” Bruce smiles at her kindly and Y/N lifts her shirt for him to see. She waits for about three seconds for Bruce to look at it before she lets the shirt fall again. “Can I see her now?” Bruce smiles at her, knowing he doesn’t be able to look at her properly again if she still worries about the black cat. Bucky places a hand on Y/N’s shoulder kisses her temple but says nothing. “Go in.” Bruce nods and makes his way down the hall. Y/N looks after him for a moment but then all but bursts into the room. Marvel lies on the table, still sleeping but she starts to stir. She looks pretty out of it and Y/N knows that its not really a comfortable situation to be in. It’s really disturbing. Y/N strokes over her fur with a smile. Marvel really looks fine. All she has is her paw wrapped into some bandages. Y/N picks her up carefully, chuckling as Marvel presses her head against her chest. “Y/N, doll. Isn’t it better if she stays here?”

“No. I’m taking her upstairs. Would you want to be alone?” She looks over her shoulder and Bucky sighs. “No, of course not. Come on then.” He kisses her head and guides her back to the elevator and to the common room. Y/N is surprised to find everyone, except Nat, in here.

* * *

It takes about three days until Marvel starts walking around on her own. Y/N stayed human while she recovers but, in some moments, she’s forced to change and guide Marvel a little. Y/N gets her stitches out and Marvel almost freaks out in fear, thinking they hurt her and Y/N needs several hours to calm her down again. Bucky tries his best to get Marvel’s trust, which he slowly earns. At least he is allowed to pat her. Y/N knows that Marvel is still unsure about her stay in the tower and about the people around her, she runs away as soon as someone enters the common room and hides under a sideboard in the far-off corner. Her hobbling and stumbling disturb her, too, and Y/N has all of her hand full of reassuring her little friend. Bucky is understanding and gives her time, even helping her with preparing food or creating some little hideout for Marvel. One night he told her that he’s glad that Marvel stays here. He thinks Y/N has grown so much through caring for her and that he feels as if they have a little child running around. Y/N loves this man. He never complains, aside form friendly banter, and always helps her out and supports her.

After two weeks Marvel is allowed to run around without bandages and she uses it in every free time she has. To Y/N’s delight she has the same habit of running around wildly and scary Steve and tony to death. She even grew a little closer to the team. She only runs away when she’s startled out of sleep or loud noises occur.

Today is one of the lazy days in the tower. Bruce hides in his lab, as well as Tony. Pepper isn’t home and Peter and Sam talk quietly while watching some stupid movie Y/N isn’t interested in. Nata and Clint went down to the gym, leaving Marvel alone on a shelve, snoring lightly and Bucky and Steve on the couch chatting. Wanda and vision do some experimental food in the kitchen. Y/N lies lazily on the couch, too, her head on Bucky’s lap. She’s bored. She has no intention of doing something, though. She stands up and striges, earning herself a curious look of Bucky. “Doll? Where are you going?”

“Nowhere.” She smiles at him and kisses him. Then she changes on the spot, licks Bucky’s chin as Steve laughs at his baffled look, and jumps back down on the ground, running over to the shelve Marvel is on and climbs up to her. Marvel instantly snuggles into her. Y/N licks her head and lets Marvel do the same to her. They don’t talk like they usually do, just staying quiet. But then Marvel speaks up. _Y/N?_

_Hm?_

_I’m allowed to stay here, right? You won’t throw me out? _Y/N’s head shoots up and her eyes zero in on Marvel. _Of course not. Why are you thinking that? This people are the nicest I know._

_B-because the humans I was with for a while, they- _Marvel stops speaking and presses closer to Y/N. She can imagine what had happened so she snuggles her a little. _Don’t worry Marvel. We love you. _Marvel would smile if she could, instead she purrs a little. _I’m glad. I like you all, too._

_Good. I can’t promise to be a cat all the time, though. _

_That’s okay. _Y/N lies back down. Stay there for almost the whole day until Nat comes up and calls them for lunch. Y/N and Marvel race around, almost knocking Tony over who comes stumbling up from his lab. After lunch she jumps right back on the couch to snuggle against Bucky. Marvel is a little reluctant. It’s not that she’s afraid of Bucky, the opposite, really, but she has still some difficulties with her paw. So, Y/N stands back up and bites into her neck to whole her up on the couch. They both squeeze themselves on Bucky’s lap. He’s about to protest but one lock from both of them has him surrendering with his hands raised up. To the delight of every Avenger around. Bucky smiles contently and strokes his hand through their fur. “You two will be the death of me.

* * *

A few months later

Bucky is already lying in bed when Y/N finally slips out of the bathroom. She feels warm from the bath water and at the sight from Bucky, already halfway in the land of dreams she feels another warmth fill her chest. She watches him for a moment, content smile on her lips and leaned against the doorframe. In that moment she’s grateful that Bucky found her when he did and took her in, that Nat was so persistent to get her back to the tower and that she than fell in love with Bucky more than she would have ever thought. The man makes a little noise which rips Y/N from her through. She looks at his sleepy eyes and his stretched-out hand. “Doll?” She giggles a little and walks over to him, slipping under the blanket and nestles against his naked upper body. She rests her head on his chest and drapes her arm over his stomach with a content sigh, running her hand up and down on his side. Bucky hides his face with a hum in her hair, wraps his own arms around her and kisses the top of her head. It’s a warm feeling of being content and loved. Y/N closes her eyes, kisses the chest under her head. A meow disturbs the silence and Bucky’s startled ‘oof’ let’ s Y/N look up. She’s met with Marvel’s fluffy face and her tongue on her node. “Hey, Marvel. Finished disturbing Clint?” Y/N smiles and runs her hand lightly through the black fur. Marvel meows proudly and rolls to a little ball om Bucky’s stomach. Bucky sighs and adjusts her a little, so both of them are comfortable before he hides his face in Y/N’s hair again. “I love you.” He mumbles sleepily, his hand around her going lax. Y/N smiles and kisses his chest again. “I love you, too.” The last they hear is Marvels silent and little meow, followed by a content purring.


End file.
